Exploring Adoption

Author Camy Tang Discusses Adoption

In yesterday’s post, I introduced you to my author friend, Camy Tang, a “loud Asian chick who writes loud Asian chick lit.”

Camy writes romance with a kick of wasabi. She used to be a biologist, but now she is a staff worker for her church youth group and leads a worship team for Sunday service. She also runs the Story Sensei fiction critique service. On her blog, she gives away Christian novels every Monday and Thursday, and she ponders frivolous things like dumb dogs (namely, hers), coffee-geek husbands (no resemblance to her own...), the writing journey, Asiana, and anything else that comes to mind.

Camy and I chatted about adoption, racism, and Christian fiction:

Laura: You and your husband are thinking about starting a family. Have you considered adopting? Why or why not?

Camy: Actually, we have considered adoption. My husband and I have worked with our church youth group for years and are open to adopting an older child, although we’re still in prayer about it.

We’ve also discussed adopting from China.

Laura: Since you’re Asian-American, would you prefer to adopt an Asian child? Or are you open to adopting a child of any racial/ethnic background?

Camy: I personally would like to adopt a little girl from China because we could raise her in a Chinese American household and help her understand the variety and riches of her racial background.

Laura: Have you faced any overt or subtle racism? If so, can you give us an example of how you dealt with it?

Camy: Actually, I have been very lucky because I haven’t experienced much racism at all. I grew up in Hawaii, where the majority ethnicity is Asian, and in moving to northern California, I’m still surrounded by Asians since there is a large Asian population here.

I think the only “racism” I’ve encountered personally have been a few Caucasian guys with Asian fetishes who visited my church when I was still single and who targeted all the Asian girls.

Laura: What inspired you to write Asian American chick-lit from a Christian perspective?

Camy: I love Christian fiction, but noticed there just weren’t many Christian novels about Asians, and there weren’t ANY Christian novels about Asian Americans (very different from Asians in, say, China) or any Christian novels written by Asians.

Since I’ve pretty much grown up in the Asian American culture, I wanted to write something that might be interesting and unique to Christians growing up in other ethnic American households.

I also tend more toward humor than women’s fiction or historical novels (anyone who visits my blog regularly knows I’m very silly and irreverent), so I naturally gravitated toward chick lit.

Laura: Do you base your characters on real people/situations? Where does “fact” stop and “fiction” take over?

My characters are mostly fiction. I try really, really hard not to base any characters’ personalities off of people in real life. In my opinion, that’s just not polite.

However, peripherals like a character’s occupation or maybe a character’s unique quirk of behavior will sometimes come from real life stories I hear.

Laura: Tell us a little about your upcoming books.

Camy: The novel that just released is Single Sashimi, the third book in the Sushi series. Here’s a blurb:

Drake Yu. Why would Drake call her after … what, five years? Six?

Venus heard in his voice that resonance that was almost a growl, that titanium-hard determination to get what he wanted. And he usually got what he wanted. The voice said: “I want you to work for me.”

Not this time… If it was a choice between Drake and McDonald’s—she’d choose french fries. She’d never work for him again. It would take an act of God.

Venus Chau is determined to start her own game development company and launch the next Super Mario-sized phenomenon. However, she needs an investor to back her idea. When Drake Yu, an old nemesis, approaches Venus with a contracting opportunity at his sister’s startup, the offer to become Chief Operating Officer tempts Venus to think the unthinkable.

Venus would rather throw away her PS3 than work for Drake again … except Grandma bribes Venus to do this favor for Drake’s wealthy family with a coveted introduction to the most respected investor in the game industry. It’s also a short job—only a few months—so Venus won’t have to stand Drake’s presence for very long.

But one wild youth group, a two-faced assistant, and Grandma’s determined match-making threaten to make them both fail—or go insane. With the encouragement of her three cousins, Lex, Trish, and Jennifer, Venus discovers that even a wounded heart can undergo a beautiful transformation …

My next novel is a Christian romantic suspense titled Deadly Intent, coming out in August 2009 (tentative date) from Steeple Hill’s Love Inspired Suspense line.

This may not be the actual back cover blurb, but here’s a blurb I submitted recently in my Art Fact Sheet:

THERE WAS A DEAD BODY IN HER MASSAGE ROOM

And massage therapist Naomi Grant is suspected of murder. She’s frustrated and helpless as a web of lies closes in around her, framing her. She doesn’t have time to worry about her shaky faith or think about her growing attraction to the victim’s ex-husband, Dr. Devon Knightley.

Orthopedic surgeon Devon had only needed to claim his mother’s necklace back from his ex-wife, but suddenly he’s embroiled in a murder investigation and someone is trying to kill him. He wants to somehow protect Naomi from the trap being set around her, but can he keep them both safe against a villain with deadly intent?

Laura: Your Sushi series books focus on four cousins. Will there be a fourth book in the series?

Camy: There will be a fourth book in the Sushi series. It will be a novella and I’ll have it available FREE for my newsletter YahooGroup subscribers (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Camys_Loft) or as a print on demand book available for purchase on Amazon.

Laura: What’s your favorite thing to do on a sunny day in Silicon Valley?

Walk the dog! We live right next to the rolling foothills and it’s really nice to go walking. My only problem is that my dog is not good around other dogs (she’s really friendly with people, though). So I have to be careful when she encounters other dogs on her walks.

I'm giving away THREE copies of Camy's latest novel, Single Sashimi, this week. All you have to do is post a comment on this post (or on the previous post). Tell us why you love/hate chick lit, Christian fiction, or sushi. Or ask Camy a question. I’ll announce the winners on October 21, 2008.

Visit Camy’s website at www.camytang.com/ for a huge website contest going on right now. Camy's giving away ten boxes of books and 30 copies of her latest release, SINGLE SASHIMI.

Meet Camy Tang, a Loud Asian Chick

Camy Tang is a self-described “loud Asian chick who writes loud Asian chick lit.”

I am…well…a quiet Caucasian chick who writes about adoption. Still, when Camy and I met at a writers’ conference a couple of years ago, we hit it off famously and vowed that we are kindred blogging spirits. Just for fun, we decided to make guest appearances on each other’s blogs.

I was thrilled when, a couple of weeks ago, I heard that Camy’s first novel, Sushi for One?, won first place in the Debut Author category of the 2008 American Christian Fiction Writers Book of the Year contest. (Try saying that three times, fast!)

Camy was thrilled, too. She told me, “I was so excited at the awards ceremony that I screamed like a banshee and said something really stupid for my thank you speech.”

I recently gobbled up the first two novels in Camy’s Sushi Series:  Sushi for One? and Only Uni  (the third book, Single Sashimi, was released in August).

For years, I avoided reading Christian fiction because it was too sickly-sweet, too predictable, and the characters were just too darn wholesome. But when I started making friends with Christian novelists, I figured I’d better at least give their work a look-see.

It has been so refreshing to read—and enjoy—this unique new voice in Christian fiction. In the Sushi Series, Camy creates four single, 20-something Asian-American cousins who belong to a large extended family dominated by a manipulative grandma whose goal in life is to marry off her granddaughters.

Each book in the series focuses on a different cousin. In Sushi for One?, we meet Lex Sakai,  a spunky, volleyball-playing athlete who has compiled a huge list of traits Mr. Right must fulfill. Only problem is, all of the guys she dates are Mr. Wrong.

In Only Uni, we learn more about Lex’s cousin Trish Sakai, a flirt who has done more than her share of sleeping around, and is now attempting—rather unsuccessfully—to make amends for her wild lifestyle. Turning her life around is complicated by the fact that her gorgeous ex-boyfriend is stalking her.

I love the characters’ snappy banter, flawed relationships with one another (and with the various men they date), and their struggles to discern what God wants for them. I appreciate the way Camy gives us glimpses into Asian-American culture and into a tightly-knit extended family. Unlike most chick-lit, where you know how the story will end after the first page, I was surprised by the plot twists and turns, particularly in Only Uni.

If you want a refreshing change from the lusty, foul-mouthed, Prada-wearing heroines that populate most chick-lit novels, give Camy’s books a try. You won’t be sorry.

Camy has graciously agreed to give away copies of Single Sashimi to THREE readers of my blog! To enter the giveaway, simply post a comment below this entry. If you want, tell us why you love/hate chick lit, Christian fiction, or sushi. Or ask Camy a question. I’ll announce the winners on October 20, 2008.

Tomorrow, I’ll feature an interview with Camy Tang. You can visit Camy at www.camytang.com or stop by her blog, Camy's Loft.

Novel by Adoptive Mom, Renee Riva

The end of summer is quickly drawing near, but there’s still time to squeeze in one last summer novel. I suggest Saving Sailor, by adoptive mom Renee Riva.

Set in 1968 at a family’s summer cabin at Indian Lake, Idaho, the novel is narrated by spunky 9-year-old A.J. (short for Angelina Juliana Degulio). A.J., a Northwesterner who speaks with a self-imposed Southern accent (because she thinks “Southern” is a “beautiful language”) is the youngest daughter in a large Roman Catholic Italian family. She spends the lazy summer days hanging out with her dog, Sailor, and being alternately embarrassed and proud of her “rich Italian heritage.”

When a family from Oklahoma (who speak with real Southern accents) moves in next door, the adventures begin. I found this gentle, slice-of-life novel a refreshing weekend read.

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Renee Riva is the mother of three daughters. Six years ago, Renee and her husband adopted an 11-year-old girl from Russia through California’s Welcome Home program for last-chance kids. Renee says the program helps children find adoptive families “before they get sent to work in factories in Russia or end up on the streets.”

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

HopeToAdopt.com: A User-Friendly Registry for Prospective Adoptive Families

When Holly and Blake Schwendiman studied online registry services that connect prospective adoptive parents with parents who are planning to place their baby for adoption, they were disappointed in the $400-$600 yearly rate for the 1-2 page “letter format” that looked identical for all clients.

“We wanted a better option that was affordable to everyone,” says Holly.

So in August of 2000, they launched HopeToAdopt.com. “Our goal is to help adoptive families by providing tools to assist them in their search for a match.”

While their service is fee-based, Holly and Blake say they often pass on information and situations free of charge to their families. They do not perform agency or legal services; they only provide marketing resources.

HopetoAdopt.com offers:

• A five-page adoption Web site for $59 per year
• Banner ads that offer additional exposure for $50 per year
• Web page, banner ads, and business cards package for $99 per year

Their competitors charge over $100 per month, says Holly.

They can afford to charge far less than their competitors because Blake wrote the computer program that automates Web site creation, and Holly designed the site. Their site’s user-friendly tools include:

• Automated program for site creation
• Unique five-page profile format
• Personal URLs
• Ability to review and track personal site statistics
• Ability to monitor and filter correspondence for scams/spam
• NO advertisements on individual sites
• Community bulletin board that provides support and friendship during the journey

“I wanted families to be in charge of what their ‘file’ looked like and how it presented them. I wanted them to be able to edit it any time without additional waits or fees,” says Holly. Consequently, the Web site format is the only pre-prepared element; families choose their own content and theme. 

Prospective parents create their site as they answer questions and make selections—no programming skills are required. As an added bonus, says Holly, families create their entire site without commitment or obligation. “If they like it when they're done, they can choose to activate it.”

When they activate their site, clients are given a personal Web site address such as: www.blakeandholly.hopetoadopt.com. “We wanted Web site addresses that were easy, personal, and could be found by search engines, as well as friends and family members.”

The tools on HopeToAdopt.com make it easy for prospective parents to create a unique profile for potential birth parents to read. “Most ‘birth parent’ letters are too lengthy, wordy, and generic,” says Holly. “I have a hard time picturing young birth mothers reading so many pages of text.”

Holly created a five-page profile that begins with an overview page that provides basic information. More detailed information is broken into categories, giving both the viewer and the creator more control.

Holly also wanted to give adoptive families control over viewing their personal site’s stats and to feel a sense of security in correspondence matters. Blake designed the database to track and record all activities and to allow Holly the ability to filter incoming messages. 

Advertising on adoption registry sites also irritated Holly. “I hated that families were paying top dollar for advertising only to have additional ads placed on their sites that would redirect and distract the viewer.”

Their clients’ individual pages do not contain advertising. The response has been instant and wonderful, says Holly. “Families felt more empowered and matches began turning into successful placements.”

Holly and Blake figure they must be doing something right, because their format has been adopted by other adoption registries and they’ve received many offers from people wanting to buy their site. “We respectfully declined,” says Holly. Instead, she and Blake are continuing to explore new ways to help adoptive families.

This article may be reproduced for use in other print and Internet publications, provided the reprint includes the following credit line:

“HopeToAdopt.com: A User-Friendly Registry for Prospective Adoptive Families,” by Laura Christianson, Exploring Adoption blog, April 29, 2007, www.laurachristianson.com.

Need a good book about adoption? Visit Laura's Exploring Adoption Bookstore. 

Can A Couple Who Has Experienced Infidelity Fall In Love Again?

The final post in a 5-part series

This week we’re chatting with Melodie Fleming, an adoptive mom of two who co-wrote The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity.

How can a couple who has experienced infidelity fall in love again?
Many things must be navigated before love will again blossom in the marriage.

• The affair must be completely severed.
• The self-lies within the heart of the straying spouse must be faced and overcome.
• Significant progress must be made in the three movements of the dance.

When these issues are in place, advancement toward emotional oneness can be made. Consistency, time, and trust in God can help the unfaithful spouse be patient and supportive as the wounded spouse grieves and heals. Forgiveness needs to be extended. Rediscovering actions and words that bring the emotion of love can help. Learning to incorporate God’s truth into one’s prayers, speech, and meditation can also help.

How does prayer play an important part in healing from infidelity?
In our sections on forgiveness and rebuilding emotional love, we allude to a technique of prayer that Abel uses with his clients for many types of issues. We are currently working on a book about this kind of healing prayer.

Are you and Abel Ortega available for speaking opportunities?
Abel is a frequent teacher, preacher, and seminar speaker. He also has his own call-in radio program. He recently restructured his counseling practice to allow for more speaking and writing opportunities. He is fluent in both English and Spanish and can make presentations in either language. He can be contacted at (956) 682-5132 or at his temporary email address: ortegaworld@juno.com.

I sometimes accompany Abel and am available on a limited basis for other engagements, such as women’s ministry events. However, due to the ages of my children and to my ministry commitments, I do not accept many invitations. I am, however, a freelance writer and will consider providing inspirational, devotional, or self-help articles for a variety of venues, including web sites. I also collaborate with Abel on a wide variety of topics within his area of expertise. I can be contacted at melodiefleming@sbcglobal.net.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Infidelity: To Confess or Not To Confess

Part 4 of 5

This week we’re chatting with Melodie Fleming, an adoptive mom of two who co-wrote The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity. 

Why do you call restoration a dance?
When a couple attempts to reconcile after a betrayal, each partner has a set of needs or desires. These emotions are in direct contrast to one another.

There are three pairs of needs that have emerged as typical and extremely challenging to overcome:

1. The Need to Express Anger versus The Desire for Forgiveness
2. The Need to Replace Support versus The Desire to Run for Cover
3. The Need to Find Answers versus The Desire to Bring an End to the Guilt

We describe these issues and the resolutions to them as three movements to a carefully choreographed dance. Each partner has steps to follow in order to dance through the process of restoration.

Should those involved in affairs confess to their spouse?
Let me answer three different scenarios:

1. If the faithful spouse suspects an affair, the straying spouse should answer honestly and with humility.
2. If the staying spouse is currently involved in an affair, but wants to cease the affair and remain with his or her mate, he should go see a professional counselor or trusted advisor immediately. All contact with the adulterous partner should be discontinued. If the spouse has indicated suspicions of the affair, it should be confessed. If not, the counselor may need to give guidance on a case-by-case basis.
3. If a person had an affair many years ago, but has remained faithful since then, it may not be advantageous to confess. The purpose of confession in these cases is usually to relieve a guilty conscience. This is unfair to the faithful spouse, because hearing the confession can be devastating. We feel a better route is to pursue forgiveness from God without causing unnecessary pain to the innocent spouse. However, questions should be answered honestly if the spouse asks, even after many years.

In any of these cases, we recommend people do not try to navigate through the issues alone. Infidelity is destructive for everyone involved, including the straying spouse. Outside help is usually needed to help pick up the pieces. In our book, we give important criteria for a full confession.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Working Through Anger With Your Unfaithful Spouse

Part 3 of 5

This week we’re chatting with Melodie Fleming, an adoptive mom of two who co-wrote The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity. 

Your book is unique in that it contains a ‘mini novel’ of a typical infidelity scenario.
We begin with a woman who suspects her husband is cheating. We then walk the couple through the entire process of confrontation, admission (or denial), breaking up with the other woman, reconciliation (and its inevitable struggles), forgiveness, and rebuilding.

How do you work practical advice into the story?
Using font changes and titles, we move back and forth from story to explanation. In the instructional section, we clarify the reasons the story characters are reacting as they are. We also identify typical responses other than the ones illustrated in the story. Finally, we discuss how things differ if the wife is the unfaithful spouse.

Anger is a huge factor among spouses who have been betrayed. Explain your theory regarding dealing with anger.
This was one of the most difficult portions of the book to write because each person is unique in their handling of this emotion. In addition, gender also plays a role in how anger is managed. Even so, in his years of counseling, Abel has seen some general patterns emerge.

There is usually a set of conflicting needs or desires between the husband and wife. The betrayed spouse is tremendously angry and has an emotional need to express this anger. On the other hand, if the unfaithful spouse is hopeful for reconciliation, he or she needs forgiveness and often wants it far more quickly than it comes.

These opposing relational positions are complicated by the typical two-stage pattern of anger that often occurs. After an initial explosion, the wounded spouse often enters quickly into an apparent desire to save the marriage and extend forgiveness. But as the relationship begins to progress, the depth of the pain involved begins to stir deep anger, which confuses the spouse who thought he or she was forgiven. There are several specific reasons this anger is sometime especially intense, which we discuss in the book.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Why Write a Book About Infidelity?

Part 2 of 5

In the previous post, I introduced you to Melodie Fleming, an adoptive mom of two who co-wrote The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity. Today we’re going to learn more about her co-author, Abel Ortega.

Tell us about Abel Ortega, your co-author for The Dance of Restoration
Abel Ortega is a licensed professional counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist. He is also an ordained minister and has worked both in the pastoral ministry and in the clinical field. He is currently in private practice.

What are your qualifications to write on these topics?
In addition to my thirteen years of experience as a minister’s wife, I hold the Master of Religious Education degree from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. Abel handles all clinical issues. However, I am qualified to answer questions that are educational, spiritual, or biblical in nature.

Why did you decide to write the book together?
Abel and I began writing together on various projects about nine years ago. Sometime early in this partnership, we wrote a brief pamphlet about adultery for a seminar he taught. Later, we decided to turn that material into a full-length book. It took about two years to complete the first manuscript.

What was the impetus for writing a book about restoring a marriage damaged by infidelity?
We needed the book in our ministries! Over his years in counseling, Abel noticed a specific pattern of conflict that emerges in couples that are trying to reconcile. He needed a resource to help his clients understand what was happening to them so that they could navigate back to one another.

Who are your book’s target readers?
Couples in crisis - Our first priority was to write a resource for couples in crisis. For this reason, we kept the book brief and incorporated a strong story line.

Counselors - Since Abel is licensed to supervise counseling interns and because we both have connections to pastoral ministry, we were careful to footnote counseling tips and biblical foundations where appropriate.

A number of people have indicated to us that reading it helped them give support to family and friends who are struggling with the issue of adultery.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Q & A with Adoptive Mom and Author, Melodie Fleming

Part 1 of 5

My featured guest this week is Melodie Fleming, an adoptive mom of two and co-author of The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity(AMG 2005).

In this Q & A with Melodie, we’ll learn about her adoption story and about her book. Today, we’ll focus on the adoption on her two children.

Tell us about your first adoption
Our son, who is now 7, came to us through a private adoption. A mutual friend, who knew a college student who was seeking adoptive parents for her unborn child, introduced her to us.

What was your most memorable moment during the adoption process?
We were honored to meet our son’s birth mother several times during her pregnancy. Once she even grabbed my hand and held it to her abdomen so that I could feel him roll and kick. My eyes sting every time I remember that moment. We were at the hospital when he was born and saw him minutes after his birth. He came home a few days later, and I have been in love ever since.

Do you have an open adoption?
Our son’s birth mother is now married to a fine man. She recently completed an advanced degree and has begun a prestigious career. We are proud of her and love her very much. We have a semi-open adoption in which we stay in touch with each other and exchange gifts.

How did your second adoption differ from your first?
We traveled to China to place our arms around our daughter. She was 13 months old at the time. She is now three and loves Elmo and everything princess. Of course, we are overjoyed to be a part of the royal family. Unless God intervenes with a miracle, we will never meet her birth mother. But we pray for her often and hope to meet her in Heaven.

To order Melodie's book, click the following link: The Dance of Restoration: Rebuilding a Marriage after Infidelity

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.