Exploring Adoption

Will You Be Unable to Adopt if You Have a History of Depression?

Prospective adoptive parents are concerned that their application to adopt will be turned down because they have a history of depression.

Several readers responded to the question:
Are there countries that restrict prospective parents from adopting if they have a history of depression?

Gary Dodd, a nurse-practitioner in Ontario, Canada, writes:

It is true that if you have had any type or form of mental illness or there is a family member with a mental or medical illness, this can lead to a rejection of your application for adoption. Our child protective services here in Ontario have strict guidelines that they follow for adopting a child or for fostering children.

As a previous foster parent, I can remember the child protection workers asking both my wife and I, if either of us had or was experiencing sign or symptoms of depression or if we were presently being treated for any psychiatric disorder i.e. Bipolar-Schizo- Affective Disorder or any medical disorder like sleep apnea or diabetes. They also wanted to know about any histories of abuse, drinking or use of illegal drugs.

I believe that once you notify the child care governing body about any mental illness that you or you family member has had in the past, there is a stigma associated with labeling those people as having a mental illness for life.

Pickel writes:

We are in the process of adopting from Guatemala and were scrutinized because of my history of anxiety and post adoption depression. I do not have a history of depression prior to adopting nor do I have a history of anxiety before adopting. However, when we brought home a son from Russia in 2005 and got unexpected special needs issues, rages, SID, etc. it was very difficult for both of us to deal with.

My physician filled out the required forms but Immigration recently sent back another inquiry so we will see how that stands.

I also know that China will NOT allow anyone with a history at all and Russia is really cracking down on it as well. As far as I know Guatemala is one of the most lenient countries as long as the issue is under control.

In Russia they do a series of psychological tests but if this is a confirmed "non-issue" then I don't think it would be a problem. I also don't think it would be an issue in Guatemala because it seems like they will accept our application even though I am still on medication.

In my opinion, they are looking for red flags...things that look like bi-polar and patterns of serious depressive/destructive behaviors. They want to protect children and I don't blame them.

In my case, my issue is post-adoption depression, which I never expected. However, it was compounded by the fact that we got a surprise special needs son who at times can be difficult. I have stayed on the medication because it makes me a better mom. There are many nights that I don't get much sleep and more than a few days a week when meltdowns happen one after another. I have found that it helps me remain more even tempered and patient.

Regarding the issue of post-adoption depression, I recommend a great book called, The Post-Adoption Blues, by Karen Foli and John Thompson.

Readers, if you have additional thoughts, experiences, or advice on this subject, please post it in the Comments area or e-mail me and I'll post it. We'd particularly like to hear from some adoption social workers.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Adoption Restrictions Based on History of Depression?

A reader asks:

Are there countries that restrict prospective parents from adopting if they have a history of depression?

If anyone can point us to more information on this topic, please respond in the Comments area. Thanks!

How to Answer Tricky Questions on Your Adoption Application

You're filling out your application to adopt when you stumble across a question you're not sure how to answer. You want to be honest and straightforward, but you're worried that providing certain information might knock you out of consideration.

Here are some questions about the adoption application that my blog's readers frequently ask:
 
What constitutes mental illness?
If someone took an antidepressant for a few years to help with irritability/mild depression, does that constitute a mental illness that would prevent adoption?

What constitutes a history of alcohol/drug abuse?
If someone had a DUI 20 years ago but has not had an infraction since then, does that constitute a history of alcohol/drug abuse?

My response:
If you're not sure about how to respond to a particular question(s), the first thing to do is to ask for clarification from your adoption caseworker. Your caseworker's job is NOT to find ways to turn you down, but rather, to find ways to say YES to your application.

In light of the increasingly strict regulations many countries are placing on who can/can't adopt (China comes to mind), you'll want to structure your responses so you'll appear in a positive light. That doesn't mean you should lie or neglect to tell the whole truth.

Your caseworker will advise you about whether you need to mention the antidepressants you took or the DUI from your past. Generally, your caseworker is looking to see whether mental illness, law-breaking, or addictive behaviors are problems you struggle with now--problems that can negatively impact your ability to parent.

If you've faced challenging issues in your past (and who hasn't?), your caseworker will want to know how you overcame those issues and what strategies you'll employ as a parent to prevent them from happening again.

Readers, what wisdom do you have to offer about how to respond to these sorts of questions? Please respond in the Comments area or e-mail me and I'll post a compilation of your suggestions.

 For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

The Adoption Process

Today I start a new series called "Getting Started With Adoption" at my adoption.com blog.

As I walk you through my personal adoption story, I'll point out many important things you need to consider as you go through the adoption process.

Here's an outline of the series:

• February 20: The Information-Gathering Phase
• February 20: The Financing Phase
• February 21: The Agency Selection Phase
• February 21: Working With Your Adoption Agency
• February 22: The Waiting Phase
• Februrary 22: Meeting the Birth Parents
• February 23: The Homecoming
• February 23: Moving Towards Openness
• February 24: Re-establishing Contact with our Son's Birth Mother
• February 24: The Great Pickling Caper (more on re-establishing contact)

This series will be continued next week.

For more articles about adoption, visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

The Adoption Home Study: Issues that Prohibit a Person from Adopting

This is the last in a three-part series about the adoption home study process. Parts 1 and 2 were posted January 11 and 12, 2006.

Perhaps you've experienced fertility challenges. Or you live with a chronic medical condition. Maybe you have battled depression. Or you abused drugs or alcohol. You’re reluctant to begin the adoption home study, fearing that you’ll be turned down because of the "issues" you've experienced.

Don’t be too hard on yourself – your adoption social worker isn’t out to get you. Her goal isn’t to find ways to turn you down, but rather, to find ways to say “yes.”

There are very few insurmountable issues that prohibit a person from adopting. Your social worker is well aware of the fact that everybody faces adversity. She’s most interested in learning what your particular issues are and how they might affect your parenting. She wants to know how you’ll manage your parenting as you continue to work through the issues.

As you fill out the reams of paperwork required during the adoption home study, it’s critical that you be honest. If you withhold information and your social worker learns that you’ve been untruthful, that will likely have a big impact on her decision about whether to approve your home study.

Once she’s aware of the issues, your social worker will help you work through them. If she has concerns about your readiness to adopt, she will share them with you early on in the home study process (she won’t surprise you by waiting until the home study is complete and then write a “bad” report). She may recommend that you take additional time to resolve your issues before adopting, but the fact that issues exist does not mean that your application to adopt will be denied.

One of the signs of a good parent is the ability to deal with adversity. If you honestly describe to your social worker the ways in which you’ve navigated difficulties, she will likely feel confident that when parenting throws you curves, you will be okay.

For more information about adoption, visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com

The Adoption Home Study: Determining Where You Stand on Risk Factors

This is the second in a three-part series about the adoption home study process. Part 1 was posted January 11, 2006.

Think of the adoption home study as a “pre-placement report.” Similar to the pre-marital counseling required for many couples, the home study helps prepare you to become an adoptive parent.

The social worker(s) in charge of your home study can (and should) help you sort through any questions you have about adoption. You will work with him/her to determine where you stand on “risk factors.” You’ll need to decide how you feel about:

1. Adopting a child whose mother has received little or no prenatal care
2. Adopting a child whose mother abused alcohol or drugs during her pregnancy
3. Adopting a child whose mother is mentally ill
4. Adopting a child whose mother is HIV-positive
5. Adopting a child who was abused or neglected
6. Adopting a child who has lived in a foster home(s)
7. Adopting a child who has lived in an orphanage
8. Adopting a child who has learning disabilities or a strong potential to have disabilities
9. Adopting a child who has physical or emotional challenges
10. Adopting a child who has biological siblings who live with either the birth parents, in foster care, with a relative or with another adoptive family
11. Adopting a child whose birth father cannot be located to sign relinquishment papers (domestic adoptions)
12. Retaining contact with the birth family. What degree of openness are you comfortable with at this point?
13. Will you exchange identifying information with the birth family? Identifying information includes last names, addresses, and social security numbers (I’m kidding on that last one – just checking to see if you’re still reading!)
14. Will you exchange letters, e-mails, phone calls and/or meetings? If so, how often?

What’s on your checklist of “risk factors?” Please list any I missed in the comments area.

For more information about adoption, visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com

The Adoption Home Study: Facts & Figures

This is the first in a three-part series about the adoption home study process

An adoption social worker shared the following information at a workshop last week:

• Typical birth parents who choose to place their child for adoption (domestic U.S.) are from 19 to 25 years old.
• Typical adoptive parents in a domestic adoption are in their mid-30s to mid-40s.
• An adoption home study takes 2 to 3 months on average to complete.
• Prospective adoptive parents are most likely to get a thorough, legally-binding home study at a licensed adoption agency. If you adopt internationally, most countries accept only agency home studies.
• Some independent private practices complete home studies. Before hiring them, make sure that they include all the state-mandated elements (in other words, that they are thorough). Otherwise, the adoption agency you work with after the home study is completed may charge you additional fees to “fill in the gaps” in your home study.
• The cost for a home study varies from agency to agency and from state to state. It usually ranges from $1,000 to $1,400 for domestic and international adoptions. The cost for a foster-adoption home study is significantly less, and in many cases, there is no fee for this type of adoption.

For more information about adoption, visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com

Can You Adopt Older Children Without Vaccinating Them?

A couple with four biological children is interested in adopting through their county's social services program. They have not yet begun their adoption home study. They don't believe in vaccinating their children, who are homeschooled.

What are their chances of having a home study approved?

I do not know the answer to this question, so I thought I'd throw it out into cyberspace to see whether any of my readers have had experiences they'd be willing to share.

The Adoption Home Study: What to Expect During the Home Visit

For those who decide to adopt a child, an adoption home study is a required part of the process in all states. One portion of the home study is the home visit, during which an adoption social worker visits your home to ensure its safety and suitability for a child.

According to the National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC), some states require an inspection from the local health and fire departments in addition to the visit by the licensed social worker.

Families who are doing a foster-adopt usually experience more stringent requirements for the home visit, because they often serve as licensed foster parents during the time they are waiting to adopt their child. During pre-service training, potential licensed foster parents receive details about their state’s requirements for providing a safe home for a foster child.

If you plan to adopt a baby or to adopt internationally, you will also experience the home visit. The most important thing to remember is to remain calm about the home visit – the purpose of the social worker’s visit is not to find ways to turn you down, but rather, to be able to confidently recommend you (and your home) as a great place to raise a child.

You don’t necessarily have to live in a house in order to pass with flying colors – many parents who live in apartments or in very small homes are perfectly acceptable candidates to adopt.

If you’re uncertain about what to expect during the home visit, ask. Your social worker will be happy to explain exactly what she will and will not be looking for when she visits. Keep in mind that you will receive at least one post-adoption visit from your social worker, as well. The social worker may be looking for different things (such as child proofing and safety gates) once your child arrives home.

One reader, Julie Foxx (www.talesfromthestirrups.blogspot.com), shared that their social worker “told us not to worry about drawers or closets as she wouldn’t be looking in them. They look for a fire extinguisher in the kitchen, smoke detectors and a clean home.”

If you’re not the perfect housekeeper, don’t worry. The social worker won’t do the white glove test to see whether you’ve dusted recently. Just clean up the clutter and arrange things neatly.

In fact, you may want to leave a few things lying around to give your home that “lived in” look. Social workers may be wary that a home dressed up for a Better Homes & Gardens photo shoot wouldn’t be the greatest place to raise a child.

Your social worker will likely want to meet the family pets (and other children, if there are some). Julie commented that their two cats crawled all over the social worker, and she didn’t mind.

Here’s a brief checklist for your home visit:

• Do you have working smoke alarms?
• If you own firearms, are they stored safely?
• Do you have a safe source of water in your home?
• Do you have adequate space for your child to sleep?
• If you have a yard, is it safe?

During Julie’s home visit, she and her husband discussed corporal punishment with their social worker. “According to our agency, [corporal punishment] doesn't mean that if your child tries to touch a hot stove, you can't swat the child's hand or tush. It means you won't beat your child.”

Julie’s husband bravely injected a little humor into their discussion, when he asked the social worker, “How do you feel about duct tape?”

The social worker laughed and said that duct tape was sooo two years ago. “Masking tape is in now,” she added.

The Adoption Home Study: The Good, The Bad and the Ugly

After reading my July 23 entry, one of my readers commented, "I know there are probably people out there who do not have pleasant home study experiences."

The adoption home study is one of the biggest fear factors that looms over prospective parents. What's it all about?

• Do they really peek in your junk drawer and your underwear drawer during the home visit?
• Do you have to have all your medications locked up?
• Does the laundry soap need to be stored on a high shelf?
• Just how clean does your home need to be when they visit? 
• Do they ask you questions about your sex life?
• What if you plan to spank your child? Does that mean you'll be rejected as an adoptive parent?
• What if you have alcoholism or mental illness in your family history? Will you be axed?

These are just a few of the questions would-be parents struggle with when preparing for the dreaded home study.

I'd love to hear from readers -- what was your home study really like? What was the most unusual thing that happened/that you were asked? What turned out better -- or worse -- than you expected?

Please e-mail me. I'll compile your responses and include them in a future entry.