Exploring Adoption

A Male's Perspective on Infertility and Adoption

I was pleasantly surprised to read a personal experience article about infertility--written by a man--in Today's Christian magazine (Jan/Feb 2008).

In the article, Elliott J. Anderson, author of Answers in Abundance: A Miraculous Adoption Journey as Told from a Father's Heart, candidly shares his struggles with infertility, his emotional and spiritual shift to considering adoption, and some amazing truths the Bible reveals about infertility and adoption.

I haven't read his book yet, but if it's anywhere near as well-written as the article, I can't wait to get my hands on it!

For more news and information on adoption topics, please visit www.laurachristianson.com or my Amazon Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Unplanned Pregnancy: A Christmas Eve Reflection on Mary and Joseph

In the previous post, we looked at how Joseph might have felt when he learned he was going to be the adoptive father of God's son.

Mary, the mother of Jesus, can most certainly relate to the emotions of all women who experience an unexpected pregnancy. When the angel Gabriel shows up to inform the teenage Galilean girl that God has a little surprise in store for her, Mary experiences the shock of her life.

Gabriel bluntly announces, “You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and call his name Jesus. He will be great, be called ‘Son of the Highest.’ (Luke 1:31-32, The Message).

Mary trembles with a mixture of excitement and fear at Gabriel’s news. Granted, God has chosen her, a ‘nobody’ peasant girl, to attain the honor that Jewish women throughout history have desired. Yet an instant ethical dilemma accompanies the honor of being pregnant with the promised Messiah: everyone will assume Mary is pregnant out of wedlock.

Sure, she can claim that the Holy Spirit is the birth father of her unborn child. She can tell everyone that the child she’s carrying is the long-awaited Messiah. But she knows that her story will seem far-fetched at the very least. Imagine the thoughts that whirl through Mary’s mind: Why is this happening to me? I’m not married. My fiancé, Joseph, will think I’ve been sleeping with another man!

Joseph probably did think that, because he was prepared to break off the pending marriage. But fortunately, he, too, received an angelic visit that set him straight on the details of Mary’s mysterious pregnancy. Joseph agreed to stick by her, and the two of them (and God) prepared to face the wrath of their world head-on.

Mary and Joseph’s family, friends and neighbors must have thought the young couple had lost their minds. They glared at Mary, accusing her with their eyes: We see right through that outlandish story you’ve invented to cover up the fact that you’ve been a naughty girl. And Joseph – what a dope! That conniving little fiancé of his sure pulled the wool over his eyes. Why doesn’t he just disgrace her publicly or have her stoned?

Mary and Joseph knew that the ostracism, both subtle and blatant, would never diminish as long as they remained in Nazareth. So they released their burden to God. With the assurance that God was in control, they allowed Him to direct their path.

As we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the son of Mary, Joseph and God, my prayer is that you release the burdens you’re carrying to God. His Word in Matthew 11:28-30 offers the perfect encouragement: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or unfitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Adoption in the Bible: Jesus

In the last post, we looked at one of the first recorded instances of open adoption: Moses.

The New Testament introduces us another famous person who was adopted: Jesus. In the book of Matthew, we learn that Jesus was informally adopted by his father, Joseph.

When Joseph learns that his fiancée, Mary, is pregnant, he knows he isn’t the biological father (Matthew 1:18-25). He decides to leave Mary quietly in order to avoid a public scandal. Then an angel appears to Joseph and explains that the child Mary is carrying is God’s son—the One who will save his people from their sins. The angel instructs Joseph to name his son Yeshua (Jesus), meaning, “The Lord Saves.”

What a mixture of joy and fear Joseph must have felt when he learned he was going to steward God’s gift to the world by adopting God’s son!

“Joseph’s Lullaby,” sung by Michael Crawford, expresses what Joseph might have been feeling during those moments:

Mary, are you sleeping?
Mary, I'm afraid
Mary, can I live up to
The choice that God has made?

Jesus, can You tell me,
Here upon my knee
What kind of father will I be?

What can I give to You
You, made from miracles
That God has given me to keep?

I can't give much to You
You, made from miracles
But I can hold You as You sleep

What can You learn from me
You, made from miracles
When I've so much to learn from You?

What can a man like me
Offer the miracle
Who taught me miracles come true

Tell me how to guide You
Tell me what to say
Tell me how to show You how
To show the world the way

How to please the angels
Watching from above
When all I have to give You is love

But if it's love You need
You, made from miracles
Then take my hand and hold it tight

And I will give You love
Sweet, little miracle
That God has given me tonight

Sweet, little miracle
Oh, what a miracle
That god has given us tonight

Joseph’s commitment to share Jesus with his birth father was truly a remarkable example for all of us who follow in Joseph’s footsteps.

As you prepare to celebrate Christmas, please remember the women and men who make the difficult decision to release their children into the arms of others, and remember those who graciously accept the responsibility of raising those children. Most of all, remember to thank God for working through the lives of everyday people throughout history in order to demonstrate to us what it means to trust, and to love unconditionally.

I wish you a joyous Christmas!

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Source for song lyrics:
Actionext.com

Adoption in the Bible: Moses

Some people believe open adoption originated in California during the early 1980s, but the concept has been around a long, long time. In the book of Exodus in the Bible, we learn that Moses’ birth mother, Jochebed, makes an adoption plan for her infant son when the king of Egypt institutes his version of ethnic cleansing.

In Exodus 1, Pharaoh decides the Israelites are “too numerous.” He fears that if war breaks out, the Israelites will join his enemies (a shrewd assumption, particularly since this ruthless king oppressed the Israelites with forced labor). Pharaoh orders his people:

“Every boy that is born, drown him in the Nile” (Exodus 1:22 The Message).

About the time Pharaoh issues this edict, a Hebrew baby named Moses is born to Jochebed and her husband, Amram. They hide their son from the Egyptians for three months. Then, fearing for Moses’ life, Jochebed places her baby in a watertight basket and floats it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile. She stations her young daughter Miriam as a lookout.

Pharaoh’s grown daughter discovers the babe, takes pity on him, and decides to adopt him as her own. When Miriam approaches, Pharaoh’s daughter agrees to hire Jochebed to nurse the infant.

The culminating moment in Moses’ adoption comes in Exodus 2:10, after Moses is weaned. His birth mother delivers him to Pharaoh’s daughter and he officially becomes the son of the Egyptian princess.

Jochebed exhibited incredible strength of character in weaving her intricate adoption plan for Moses. She essentially chose his adoptive family by floating the basket near the spot she knew Pharaoh’s daughter would come to bathe. Perhaps Jochebed had heard rumors of the princess’s kind-heartedness. Jochebed hoped against hope the Princess’s servants would coo over the baby and implore Pharaoh’s daughter to rescue him.

Jochebed had no idea what God had in store for her little one, yet she trusted His gentle prompting and she released her baby into His hands. Even though she knew she was giving Moses a chance at life, Jochebed must have felt intense anguish as she tenderly placed her son in the basket and kissed him goodbye.

This article was excerpted from The Adoption Decision by Laura Christianson, copyright 2007 Harvest House Publishers.

In the next two posts: The most famous open adoption in history.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Unplanned Pregnancy: A Christmas Eve Reflection on Mary and Joseph

Mary, the mother of Jesus, can most certainly relate to the emotions of all women who experience an unexpected pregnancy. When the angel Gabriel shows up to inform the teenage Galilean girl that God has a little surprise in store for her, Mary experiences the shock of her life.

Gabriel bluntly announces, “You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and call his name Jesus. He will be great, be called ‘Son of the Highest.’ (Luke 1:31-32, The Message).

Mary trembles with a mixture of excitement and fear at Gabriel’s news. Granted, God has chosen her, a ‘nobody’ peasant girl, to attain the honor that Jewish women throughout history have desired. Yet an instant ethical dilemma accompanies the honor of being pregnant with the promised Messiah: everyone will assume Mary is pregnant out of wedlock.

Sure, she can claim that the Holy Spirit is the birth father of her unborn child. She can tell everyone that the child she’s carrying is the long-awaited Messiah. But she knows that her story will seem far-fetched at the very least. Imagine the thoughts that whirl through Mary’s mind: Why is this happening to me? I’m not married. My fiancé, Joseph, will think I’ve been sleeping with another man!

Joseph probably did think that, because he was prepared to break off the pending marriage. But fortunately, he, too, received an angelic visit that set him straight on the details of Mary’s mysterious pregnancy. Joseph agreed to stick by her, and the two of them (and God) prepared to face the wrath of their world head-on.

Mary and Joseph’s family, friends and neighbors must have thought the young couple had lost their minds. They glared at Mary, accusing her with their eyes: We see right through that outlandish story you’ve invented to cover up the fact that you’ve been a naughty girl. And Joseph – what a dope! That conniving little fiancé of his sure pulled the wool over his eyes. Why doesn’t he just disgrace her publicly or have her stoned?

It required more than a little strength of character for Mary and Joseph to ignore the criticism. For they knew that the ostracism, both subtle and blatant, would never diminish as long as they remained in Nazareth. So  they released their burden to God. With the assurance that God was in control, they allowed Him to direct their path.

As we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the son of Mary, Joseph and God, my prayer is that you release the burdens you’re carrying to God. His Word in Matthew 11:28-30 offers the perfect encouragement: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or unfitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Longing for a Child: Devotions of Hope for Your Journey Through Infertility

Kathe Wunnenberg knows what it’s like to yearn for a child to continue the family legacy. She knows what it’s like to suffer in silence through years of infertility, infant loss, failed adoption, and miscarriage. She describes her devotional book, Longing for a Child, as a “companion of hope” for those who experience fertility challenges.

Similar to her first two books, Grieving the Loss of a Loved One and Grieving the Child I Never Knew, this book is divided into twelve sections with five devotions in each.

The sections are as follows:

1. Longing
2. Wondering
3. Waiting
4. Resenting
5. Hoping
6. Bracing
7. Guarding
8. Trusting
9. Releasing
10. Redirecting
11. Accepting
12. Embracing

A thirteenth section contains 19 special meditations for special days, such as:

• Mother’s Day
• Father’s Day
• Baby Showers
• When Your Pregnancy Test is Negative
• When Your Pregnancy Test is Positive
• When You Face a Medical Procedure
• When Your Adoption Fails
• When You Face Financial Problems
• When Your Doctor Disappoints You
• When Someone You Know Becomes Pregnant of Has a Baby

These meditations are organized a bit differently than the rest of the devotions; they begin with a Scripture verse or verses and then ask you to personalize the verse by replacing “you” with “me”; to proclaim the verse by reading it aloud several times; to ponder the verse by reflecting on particular words, phrases and images that encourage you; and to pray the verse, offering it back to God as a personalized prayer.

At the end of each meditation, the author cross references devotions from other parts of the book that tie in thematically with the reflection.

The first twelve sections of devotions are organized as follows:
Each devotion begins with a Scripture verse, followed by a short thematic story, a prayer, three-to-five reflection questions, and space for you to journal your thoughts.

Here’s a brief excerpt from the beginning of Devotion 23, “Hope and Joy”:

“You’re pregnant!” my doctor announced with a smile.

My response? Silence. Though this should have been a celebratory moment for me, it wasn’t. I was scared. Will I lose this child too? I wondered? I couldn’t bear the thought of losing a fifth child…Hope could not be trusted. It had betrayed me in the past…

Longing for a Child deserves a place on the bookshelf of anyone who is experiencing infertility, miscarriage, or infant loss. It would also be an appropriate book to gift to someone who’s facing fertility challenges.

Longing for a Child, by Kathe Wunnenberg ©2005, Zondervan $14.99

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Jacob Adopts Ephraim and Manasseh

At Bible Study Fellowship this week, we studied Genesis 46-48. Of particular interest to me was the story of Jacob (Israel) adopting his grandsons, Ephraim and Manasseh.

In Genesis 48:5, Jacob (who is 130 years old at the time) says to his son Joseph: “Now then, your two sons born to you in Egypt before I came to you here will be reckoned as mine; Ephraim and Manasseh will be mine, just as Reuben and Simeon are mine.”

In other words, Jacob adopts Ephraim and Manasseh as his own children and creates each of them as patriarchs of distinct tribes who, along with Jacob’s other sons, will inherit equal portions of the land of Canaan.

I like what Matthew Henry’s commentary says about this:

“Let them not succeed their father, in his power and grandeur in Egypt; but let them succeed in the inheritance of the promise made to Abraham.”

Joseph receives a “double portion” from his father. Because Jacob’s eldest son, Reuben, committed incest with his father’s concubine, Jacob transferred Reuben’s portion of the birthright to his favorite son, Joseph.

Please correct me if I’m wrong, but as I understand it, Joseph receives the “rights of the firstborn” (1 Chronicles 5:1-2), which I think means that he receives not only his own inheritance, but Reuben’s birthright. So even though Ephraim and Manasseh each receive one portion, Joseph inherits the double portion by virtue of Jacob adopting the boys. Ephraim and Manasseh, rather than Joseph, end up being counted among the twelve tribes of Israel.

The other thing I found touching about this passage was that Joseph took Ephraim and Manasseh on his knees (Gen. 48:12). Placing a child on one’s knees was a custom that signified or symbolized adoption. Even though scholars estimate that Ephraim and Manasseh were somewhere between 20 and 24 years old at the time Jacob adopted them, I thought it was neat that he Jacob took him on his knees, as a father would do with his small son.

For Jacob, his sons truly are a gift from God. As Psalm 127:3 says, “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him.”

A very interesting commentary by Marcus L. Burstein discusses adoption in the Torah. Burstein is the associate rabbi of Temple Rodef Shalom, Falls Church, Virginia.

He writes:

Jacob's adoption of his grandsons is not a new concept in the Torah; in fact, it is mentioned numerous times in Genesis. Eliezer is named heir to Abraham's fortune in Genesis 15:2–3, Sarah obtains a son through her maidservant Hagar (Genesis 16:2), and Rachel raises Dan and Naphtali as her own through Bilhah (Genesis 30:3–8). Jacob himself is adopted by his father-in-law, Laban, in Genesis 29–31.

What wonderful examples of adoption the Bible gives us! Jacob didn’t have any qualms about adopting his grandsons – he just did it. And he did so with great joy. We can all be encouraged by his boldness.

For more articles about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com

Happy Adoption Day!

He is risen!

A blessed Easter to everyone.

Today, in honor of our Lord’s death and resurrection, I’d like to reflect on our spiritual adoption. In the Bible, those who wished to atone for their sins did so through a sacrificial ritual. Worshipers shed the blood of a perfect sacrificial animal (often a lamb, goat, turtledove, bull or pigeon, depending on the person’s financial resources) and offered it to God as an expression of their penitence and devotion.

In the New Testament, when Jesus speaks of himself as the sacrificial lamb, he’s explaining that his own death and resurrection will create a new covenant – one that takes the place of the sacrificial system – a covenant in which God freely extends forgiveness to all who seek it, once for all.

On the last full day of his life (a day Christians now call Good Friday), as Jesus shared the Passover meal with his disciples, he passed them bread and wine, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me…this cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you” (Luke 22:18-20).

Christians remember Jesus’ broken body and shed blood whenever we partake of the sacrament of the Lord’s Supper (known by many as Holy Communion). As we do so, God reaffirms His covenant to unify all believers as His adopted children.
1 Corinthians 10:16-17 says:

Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation in the body of Christ? Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all partake of the one loaf.

Jesus invites us to become his adopted child when we confess that we've blown it and ask for his forgiveness. When we accept Jesus as our savior, he breaks the bonds our sin holds over us and introduces us to a new life in which he claims possession of our heart. We are "reborn" as his adopted child.

He then instills in us a true sense of belonging – to Him and to each other. This sense of belonging to God's family isn't passed down through bloodlines, but through the blood Jesus shed to provide us permanent release from our sins.

Today, Christians throughout the world celebrate the new life we have because of Jesus' sacrifice. We celebrate our adoption day.

Adopting After Infertility

There's a heartwarming column in Sunday's Detroit News, written by adoptive dad, James B. Teela. Anybody who has experienced fertility challenges and then gone on to adopt will relate to his story.

Kudos to The Detroit News for allowing Teela to not only share his story, but to relate how his Christian faith impacted his adoption journey.

Link: Now I know adoption isn't second best - 11/06/05.

Pastor Preaches That "Bad Attitude" Causes Infertility

One of my readers sent me the following comment:

"My pastor preached this past Sunday that barren women are barren because of their attitude. That bad attitudes cause a chemical imbalance that is keeping us from reproducing (as far as I know, I am the only barren woman in our small congregation)."

I thought I'd heard just about every theory about the causes of infertility, but this one floored me. Not only because of the pure ignorance of the statement, but moreso, because a pastor -- a person of authority -- a person who is supposed to be discerning and sensitive to the members of his congregation -- would have the audacity to make such a ludicrous claim.

In my entries for April 11 and 18, 2005, I asked the rhetorical question: If sinfulness (or in this case, "bad attitudes") kept us from reproducing, would anyone get pregnant?

I'd like to know how this pastor explains drug addicts, alcoholics and promiscuous people who get pregnant unintentionally? I guess their "bad attitudes" don't count. Only the attitudes of good Christians with bad attitudes count, apparently.

Pastors, if any of you read this blog, I want to encourage you to do two things:

1. Research.
2. Think.

Before you expound on the causes of "barrenness" from the pulpit, please consult with the experts. The Bible might be a good place to start. Plenty of the most famous people in the Bible had "bad attitudes" and most of them reproduced. Several of the most revered, godly people in the Bible (Moses comes to mind) experienced infertility.

Other experts, such as RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association, can provide accurate, statistical information about the many causes of infertility ("bad attitude" does not appear on the list, incidentally). RESOLVE has chapters in every state. They're in the phone book. Medical doctors and infertility clinics have this information available, too.

Interesting that although "bad attitude" is not proven to be one of the medical causes of infertility, some studies do link stress and infertility. Could it be that hapless congregants feel just a teensy bit stressed when their pastors announce that their bad attitudes are the reason they can't get pregnant?

Pastors, please realize that 1 in every 6 couples in the United States experiences fertility challenges during their childbearing years. That means that for every 100 people in your congregation, 16.6 of them (we'll say 17 so we don't have to cut anyone in thirds) -- men and women alike -- have difficulty getting pregnant.

You may think, "Everyone in my congregation has kids. There can't possibly be any barren people in my congregation" (probably because everyone in your congregation has such a great attitude). I've got news for you: the barren people are there. And they are probably silent. Hmmm. Wonder why?

Those infertile congregants may have received medical treatment that helped them become pregnant (some churches frown on this practice, known as "assisted reproductive technology"). Others may have adopted. And quite a few are experiencing secondary infertility, which means that they're able to get pregnant once, twice, or even six times, but this time 'round, they're having trouble (must be that bad attitude they developed from being a parent).

Pastors, please understand that people who long to become parents surround you, both inside and outside the walls of your church. And they need your loving support and your prayers, not your condemnation. They need to know that, whether or not they bear children, they are special in God's eyes and in your eyes. They need to know that you're praying they will find comfort in the arms of their Heavenly Father as they go through this difficult challenge.

Infertile people: I challenge you, as well. It's not until you get over the fear of confronting those who make hurtful, insensitive comments that things will begin to change. And that includes challenging your pastor. They are people, too (I am fairly certain about this --  my dad, my father-in-law and some of my best friends are pastors). We must all work on forgiving those who make mistakes born out of ignorance. Most pastors are thoughtful individuals who make wholehearted efforts to rethink issues, correct inaccuracies and apologize for insensitive comments they've made once they're aware of them (the really cool ones even apologize from the pulpit).

If your pastor has blundered in regards to infertility or adoption, invite him or her to a sit-down session in which you explain what the hurtful comment was, why it was hurtful to you, and why you think it may be hurtful to others. Then provide your pastor with some alternative language he or she can use that will help the pastor speak about these issues with sensitivity and compassion.

It's only when we speak the truth in love that others can become more sensitive to the millions of people who struggle with fertility challenges.