Some parents who are planning an international adoption assume that love alone will overcome the many challenges their child faced while living in an orphanage. This is usually not the case, as Beckie Stewart discovered when she adopted her 9-month-old daughter from Kazakhstan. Here, Beckie shares her story.
The Spring After Winter
By Beckie Stewart
The ice on the lake begins to thin and creaks and finally cracks. Spring follows winter and is all about new beginnings. It’s always been my favorite season, but it took on a whole new meaning when I adopted my little girl from Kazakhstan.
I brought her home during one of the coldest winters in fifty years in her country. The land had been covered with a thick blanket of white. The temperatures were frigid enough to cause icicles to form off the breath of the animals abandoned outside. If not properly covered, frostbite would grab ahold of exposed skin within five minutes.
As cold as Kazakhstan was, so was the heart of my nine-month-old daughter. The first sign of this appeared just days before she was officially declared my daughter when she slammed her head into my chest.
She was not feeling well and was tired, but did not wish to be cuddled and encouraged to sleep. Within the first six weeks home, I received two black eyes from thrown toys and scratches upon my face and neck.
Making up for lost time
I was determined to help my little girl bond and work through her pent up emotions. I had received many ideas from my adoption agency as well as books I had read prior to her adoption. I was glad I did, because I had not faced these issues with my older children whom I gave birth to.
Even though she was nine months old, the orphanage still had her on a bottle. Because their bottles were glass, they did not allow the babies to hold their own bottles. So, for the first nine months home, I kept my daughter on a bottle and did not allow her to hold it for the first three months. I held her like a nursing infant and fed the bottle to her. Due to her low iron count, I also kept her on formula for the first six months. It was difficult being criticized by other moms, but I felt she needed what was not received the first nine months of her life from me.
Encouraging touch and bonding
To encourage touch and bonding, I gave her a bath every night. Our bath routine involved massaging her with lavender lotion. I took extra time rubbing the lotion on her hands and feet. It was wonderful watching her relax. I believe this time also encouraged her sleep time.
Restful sleep
She slept twelve hours each night and took two naps each day the first three months home. I was told she was sleeping to block out the new life she did not understand. I believe this was true, but it became a restful sleep for her instead of a restless sleep like those first ten days.
The lake begins to thaw
For that first year, my daughter's heart remained as hard as a lake in winter. However, the evidence of spring has been emerging during this second year into our family.
Unless she is being told “no,” she is filled with laughter and joy.
“Smile, Mommy,” she reminds me so many times in a day. She greets all she sees with a smile and, “I’m free.” A day does not go by when you will not hear a spontaneous, “I love you.”
What fun it has been to watch this shy, timid infant blossom into a happy, carefree toddler!
Beckie Stewart is a mother of five, with her youngest adopted from Kazakhstan in January 2006. She is on the Board of Directors of Our Creator’s Hope, a ministry that raises funds to give grants to adopting families. Beckie writes devotions to encourage others at God’s Gracious Gems.
http://godsgraciousgems.blogspot.com
This article was previously published in Mommies Magazine and Christian Work At Home Moms. Reprinted with permission from the author.
Laura Christianson is accepting guest submissions for Exploring Adoption. If you have an adoption experience you'd like to share, please send it as a Word attachment to Laura. In the Subject line, write: Guest Column Submission for Exploring Adoption.
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