Exploring Adoption

'Family News in Focus' Talks Adoption Ministry

On August 18, 2007, Family News in Focus, Weekend Edition, featured a 10-minute segment on the challenges of adoption and ways in which the church can support adoptive families.

Host Bob Ditmer interviewed me, and we discussed:

• Why adopting can be difficult, both during and after the process
• How the church can aid those hoping to adopt and adoptive parents
• Ways the church can help adoptive families afford the fees associated with adopting
• Social events in which the entire church "family" can learn about adoption
• The importance of establishing support groups for pre- and post-adoptive families

To listen to the broadcast, visit Focus on the Family's OnePlace.com. In the Broadcast Archives, locate the show from 8/18/2007 and click whether you'd like to listen via Windows Media Player, Real Media, or download a free MP3. The adoption segment is 8 minutes and 30 seconds into the broadcast.

If you'd like to be entered in a drawing to win an autographed copy of The Adoption Network (the book Bob and I discussed), listen to the segment and publish a comment on this post, explaining one thing you learned from the show. Thanks for listening!

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Want a Free Book About How to Start an Adoption Support Network?

My book, The Adoption Network: Your Guide to Starting a Support System, officially released August 28. To celebrate, I'm offering a BUY 1, GET 1 FREE sale.

Read details and order instantly via PayPal from my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com. Here's the deal, in nutshell:

For a grand total of $12.95 (US), including shipping, you get two autographed copies of The Adoption Network (the retail price is $9.99 per book, plus shipping).

You won't find this deal anywhere else, because the book is not yet available in online or brick-and-mortar bookstores. But I have copies in my home distribution center (aka, my dining room), which I will ship to you immediately.

Keep one for yourself and give the other one away to a friend, your clergyperson, or your adoption agency. Or review The Adoption Network and give it away as a prize to one of your blog or newsletter readers.

The Adoption Network is a step-by-step handbook for anyone who wants to build a face-to-face community of support for pre-and post-adoptive families, birth parents, adopted people, or foster parents.

Take advantage of the best deal in the universe right now! just click the PayPal button to order.

"Adventures in Daily Living" Features Excerpts from "The Adoption Decision"

Suzanne Chandler, who writes the Adventures of Daily Living blog (about raising the children she and her hubby recently adopted from Russia), quoted her favorite excerpt from my book, The Adoption Decision.

Strange that Suzanne's favorite part of the book is from the chapter in which I quoted her! The chapter on adopting older children is actually one of my favorites, too. Read the excerpt and learn Suzanne's thoughts about the book.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Novel by Adoptive Mom, Renee Riva

The end of summer is quickly drawing near, but there’s still time to squeeze in one last summer novel. I suggest Saving Sailor, by adoptive mom Renee Riva.

Set in 1968 at a family’s summer cabin at Indian Lake, Idaho, the novel is narrated by spunky 9-year-old A.J. (short for Angelina Juliana Degulio). A.J., a Northwesterner who speaks with a self-imposed Southern accent (because she thinks “Southern” is a “beautiful language”) is the youngest daughter in a large Roman Catholic Italian family. She spends the lazy summer days hanging out with her dog, Sailor, and being alternately embarrassed and proud of her “rich Italian heritage.”

When a family from Oklahoma (who speak with real Southern accents) moves in next door, the adventures begin. I found this gentle, slice-of-life novel a refreshing weekend read.

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Renee Riva is the mother of three daughters. Six years ago, Renee and her husband adopted an 11-year-old girl from Russia through California’s Welcome Home program for last-chance kids. Renee says the program helps children find adoptive families “before they get sent to work in factories in Russia or end up on the streets.”

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Book Review: "Before You Were Mine: Discovering Your Adopted Child’s Lifestory"

What is a Lifebook?

The authors of Before You Were Mine: Discovering Your Adopted Child's Lifestory, define it as “a book of memories about a child’s life prior to adoption…a story book that acknowledges, celebrates, explains, and honors the life of an adoptee prior to adoption. It gathers the bits and pieces of our adopted children’s lives before they joined our families and gracefully organizes it all—words, pictures, documents, and photos—in the form of a story.”

Why is an adopted child’s birth story so important?

Because every adopted child has what the authors call “missing pieces” – “loss, memories, history, questions, and people.”

Adoptive parents can become their child’s storytellers, finding ways to tell them the story of their birth, of their separation from their birth parent(s), and how to honor their birth parents.

Susan TeBos, mother of three internationally adopted children, and Carissa Woodwyk, a Korean-born adoptee and professional counselor, teamed up to co-author this workbook, which includes step-by-step guidance for how busy parents can discover and share their child’s birth story. The book is unique in that it approaches Lifebook creation from a Christian faith perspective, providing adopted children a means to understand their birth history from God’s perspective.

The workbook explains:

• What a Lifebook is not
• Why it’s important to share your child’s story—even the difficult parts
• How to become the storyteller
• What to include in your child’s Lifebook
• How to prepare for and enter into adoption conversations with your child

The book also includes checklists of pre-adoption photos and documents you can include, questionnaires to guide you through the writing process, scripture promises you can claim for your child, and suggestions for how to design and layout the Lifebook’s pages.

Before You Were Mine is an easy, inviting read packed with engaging anecdotes and simple-to-follow instructions. It is a valuable resource for any adoptive parent, particularly a parent who adopts an older child.

This book is available from my Exploring Adoption Bookstore.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com.

Book Review: "Why Didn’t You Warn Me?"

Have you ever been part of a small group or support group in which one member grated on your nerves so badly that you:

A)    Pulled your hair out
B)    Felt like stuffing a gag in the irritating person’s mouth
C)    Quit the group before you did either A or B

If so, you’ll appreciate Pat Sikora’s new book, Why Didn't You Warn Me?: How to Deal with Challenging Group Members. Pat, who has more than 30 years experience leading small groups, created a highly-readable, practical manual that equips small group leaders to deal with difficult people.

Here’s a brief excerpt:

Mona Monopoly is a natural extrovert. She’s also quite well versed in Scripture and has a lot of good points to make. The problem is that she makes them all the time. Every time you ask a question, Mona jumps in with the answer before anyone else even has time to think about it. And her answers go on and on and on. People start checking their watches; the leaves change from green to orange, your co-leader’s hair turns grey. You’re finding that you can’t get through the discussion you’ve planned because she’s so long-winded. Others in the group have pretty much given up trying to answer a question. They simply watch you and Mona dialogue. What can you do?

After introducing readers to classic challenging personality types such as Mona Monopoly (the chronic talker), Quentin Quiet (the silent individual), Yolanda Yawner (the bored person), and Audrey Arrogant (the dogmatic person), Pat  offers several practical suggestions for how to approach each challenge.

In the case of Mona Monopoly, Pat explains that “ramblers” tend to think out loud rather than thinking before they speak. “Those who chatter on and on usually miss the nonverbal cues that most listeners send” (such as avoiding eye contact and staring into space).

One of the techniques Pat suggests for dealing with Mona Monopoly is to interject, “Wait a minute, Mona. You’re throwing out a lot of good ideas, but I’m afraid we’ll lose track of them. Could you take one point, boil it down to one sentence, and then let’s see what the others think about it?”

I’ve led my share of small groups, and I have yet to facilitate a group that doesn’t have at least one challenging member. Pat covers the gamut of challenges leaders are likely to encounter in her 96-page book; this handy resource would be ideal for infertility- and/or adoption support group leaders (particularly first-time leaders) to refer to frequently.

Pat (who is a personal acquaintance) and I agree that Why Didn't You Warn Me? and my new book, The Adoption Network, make perfect companion guides. My book provides the nuts and bolts of how to plan, organize, and launch a small group; Pat’s book equips leaders to handle the issues they’ll face after launching the group.

Both of our books are targeted towards a faith-based readership, but the principles apply equally well in a secular setting.

You can download a free sample lesson plan from whydidntyouwarnme.com.

   

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Want to Explore Adoption the Easy Way?

Did you know that there are multiple ways to keep up with the latest posts on the Exploring Adoption blog?

You can read this blog:

1.  Via my Website, www.laurachristianson.com

2.  Directly from my blog host, Typepad, at http://adoptionblogs.typepad.com

3.  Via e-mail
It's simple and free; just enter your e-mail address in the form located in the upper left sidebar of the blog, and click "Get email updates." Whenever I post something new, you'll receive an e-mail that contains the full text of the article (and often, the graphics) along with a hyperlink to the post and links to the five most recent articles. From time to time, I'll be offering special goodies to the hundreds of people who subscribe to my blog via e-mail. Sign up today so you can take advantage of my September offer!

4. Via RSS feed.
RSS (which stands for Real Simple Syndication) is a threatening-sounding term for many blogging newbies. Here's a simple explanation: Many Web browsers (Explorer, Firefox) have a feed reader build in, which allows you subscribe to live "feeds" of as many blogs as you want. All you do is tell your feedreader you want to subscribe to Exploring Adoption by copying and pasting the URL (http://adoptionblogs.typepad.com/)  into your feed reader.

Hundreds of my readers use MyYahoo as their browser's Home page. This feedreader lets you control how many posts you display and whether to list posts from the last 24 hours, the last week, or anytime.

You can also subscribe via one of the feedreaders located in the upper left sidebar of my blog: Feedburner, Blog Explosion, or Blogarama.

How do you read Exploring Adoption?  Post a Comment and be entered in a drawing to win an autographed copy of my new book, The Adoption Network.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

New Children's Book for Chinese Parents Adopting In-Country

Today we welcome guest columnist, Kristin Swick Wong, author of Carried Safely Home:

Several years ago, my husband, Phil Wong, woke up from a dream about an abandoned baby girl and the man who adopted her. Ever since, he's been working steadily at getting the story into a children’s book. Finally, The Little Girl is about to be born. The wonderful artist has just finished the illustrations, and the book is almost ready to go to press.

The first edition of The Little Girl will be in English. Later, we hope to print it in Chinese and send it into China. The Little Girl is different from other adoption books because it is all set in China. A Chinese man adopts the little girl, not a westerner who comes in and then leaves. We hope this book will encourage Chinese men and women to love and raise their daughters.

You are invited to join an internet-based advocacy campaign to raise awareness of The Little Girl and of the plight of girls in China. Those who sign up will receive ten issues of "The Advocate," short, weekly emails that include a preview of the illustrations and story-line of the book, a fact about China (e.g., Did you know that China has the highest rate of suicide among young women of any country in the world? One woman commits suicide every four minutes), and a simple suggestion for how to advocate for The Little Girl...and all the vulnerable little girls of China.

During this ten-week advocacy campaign, The Little Girl will be in production, ready for purchase by fall or winter 2007.

You can check out the advocacy program, sign up, and post and pass it around generously – for the sake of vulnerable girls who cannot speak up for themselves.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Cultural Exchange Programs for Hosting Orphans

If you're thinking about adopting an older child internationally, you might consider participating in a program that brings children from other countries for short-term (usually 2-week) stays with host families in your area.

The Foundation for Orphans site has a great list of links to many orphan hosting programs.

Related posts:

Cultural Programs for Adopting Russian Orphans
Pros and Cons of Hosting Programs for Soviet Bloc Orphans
Orphan Hosting Programs - Weigh in With Your Opinions, Experiences

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Will You Be Unable to Adopt if You Have a History of Depression?

Prospective adoptive parents are concerned that their application to adopt will be turned down because they have a history of depression.

Several readers responded to the question:
Are there countries that restrict prospective parents from adopting if they have a history of depression?

Gary Dodd, a nurse-practitioner in Ontario, Canada, writes:

It is true that if you have had any type or form of mental illness or there is a family member with a mental or medical illness, this can lead to a rejection of your application for adoption. Our child protective services here in Ontario have strict guidelines that they follow for adopting a child or for fostering children.

As a previous foster parent, I can remember the child protection workers asking both my wife and I, if either of us had or was experiencing sign or symptoms of depression or if we were presently being treated for any psychiatric disorder i.e. Bipolar-Schizo- Affective Disorder or any medical disorder like sleep apnea or diabetes. They also wanted to know about any histories of abuse, drinking or use of illegal drugs.

I believe that once you notify the child care governing body about any mental illness that you or you family member has had in the past, there is a stigma associated with labeling those people as having a mental illness for life.

Pickel writes:

We are in the process of adopting from Guatemala and were scrutinized because of my history of anxiety and post adoption depression. I do not have a history of depression prior to adopting nor do I have a history of anxiety before adopting. However, when we brought home a son from Russia in 2005 and got unexpected special needs issues, rages, SID, etc. it was very difficult for both of us to deal with.

My physician filled out the required forms but Immigration recently sent back another inquiry so we will see how that stands.

I also know that China will NOT allow anyone with a history at all and Russia is really cracking down on it as well. As far as I know Guatemala is one of the most lenient countries as long as the issue is under control.

In Russia they do a series of psychological tests but if this is a confirmed "non-issue" then I don't think it would be a problem. I also don't think it would be an issue in Guatemala because it seems like they will accept our application even though I am still on medication.

In my opinion, they are looking for red flags...things that look like bi-polar and patterns of serious depressive/destructive behaviors. They want to protect children and I don't blame them.

In my case, my issue is post-adoption depression, which I never expected. However, it was compounded by the fact that we got a surprise special needs son who at times can be difficult. I have stayed on the medication because it makes me a better mom. There are many nights that I don't get much sleep and more than a few days a week when meltdowns happen one after another. I have found that it helps me remain more even tempered and patient.

Regarding the issue of post-adoption depression, I recommend a great book called, The Post-Adoption Blues, by Karen Foli and John Thompson.

Readers, if you have additional thoughts, experiences, or advice on this subject, please post it in the Comments area or e-mail me and I'll post it. We'd particularly like to hear from some adoption social workers.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.