Today I conclude my two-part interview with Kari Grady Grossman, author of Bones That Float, A Story of Adopting Cambodia
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Laura Christianson: What was the most important thing you learned about yourself during the process of writing Bones that Float?
Kari Grady Grossman: Writing a book is really hard work. The hardest part was digging into my own story and grappling with the guilt that tough questions raise and learning to forgive myself, the system, and the world for its wrong. It strengthened my faith in God. I feel I’ve been graced with the understanding that there is a larger, sacred and evolutionary point to all of this cultural interconnectedness that international adoption brings. That’s what I tried to communicate through Cambodia’s story: Love, Forgiveness and Compassion for a tragic past, a flawed adoption system, and hope for a better future.
LC: When people adopt transculturally, they become a transcultural family. What has it been like for you to “adopt” the Cambodian culture?
KGG: I love it that I got to “become” at least partly Cambodian. And now “Indian” as well, with the adoption of our daughter Shanti. This is the secret, extra-special bonus that no one tells you about before adoption – the way your heart suddenly expands to incorporate a much broader cultural experience. The friendships I’ve gained in the Cambodian community are invaluable beyond measure to me personally (whether my children will feel the same or not remains to be seen).
But I will admit, it does require some changes in lifestyle choices. For instance, we used to be into mountaineering and mountain biking, but you don’t find many Asians doing those things, and we find ourselves making different social and recreational choices that put us in closer contact with the Asian community.
LC: You established a school in Cambodia. Why?
KGG: We wanted to give back to Cambodia because we knew that the vast majority of children would never be adopted, and that even children with families are in dire straights. We decided that the best way to affect real and lasting change, so that less children would ultimately end up in orphanages was through education. Also, we wanted to maintain direct contact with our son’s birth culture.
LC: How would you encourage people to “give back” to the country from which they adopt?
KGG: I know a lot of adoptive parents support child care and orphanages, important work which is vital and necessary. But I would encourage people to look at the broader issues that create the child care crises, building capacity in education and health care institutions, and economic development for women.
LC: What advice would you give to a person who is considering adopting internationally?
KGG: Read your books!! Don’t do it because you want to rescue an orphan; do it because you want to be an adoptive parent and explore the full meaning of what that means. Your children will have an entire story, culture and birthparents different from you that you must be willing to embrace. If you do, I think your heart will open to the message of a larger purpose for why you were drawn into this relationship.
Be prepared to be outside your comfort zone and try to really listen to the people of your child’s birth heritage, try to see the world through their eyes. You will enrich yourself and your parenting tenfold.
The most important thing to model for your child is how to feel comfortable in the birthculture-American community. I know my son will always feel like a bit of an outsider in Cambodia, but we are all a part of the Cambodian-American community and I want him to feel a part of that.
LC: You're on an international blog tour to publicize your book. Where else have you "stopped" so far, so we can learn more about you?
Andy’s Open Door
International Adoption Blog
Mommy Matters
In future weeks, Kari will also be visiting the following blogs:
ReadingWritingLiving
AmericanFamily
This Woman's Work
Mrs. Broccoli Guy
Kari's new blog, Be the Change Network, will link to all her tour stops, and will include conversation about developments at the Grady Grossman School, and building a vision for a sustainable self-supporting future for the world’s poorest schools.
Read my review of Bones that Float
Read Part 1 of my interview with Kari Grady Grossman
Laura's book, The Adoption Network, has
just been released. Click here to learn
more about a limited-time offer: Buy 1, Get 1 FREE! Only $12.95 for TWO books (including
USPS first-class shipping anywhere in the U.S.). Buy one
for yourself and give the other one to a friend, colleague, clergyperson, or
adoption professional.
For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and
check out my Exploring
Adoption bookstore.
