Is it Selfish to Adopt When You're Not Infertile?

A 21-year-old woman would like to adopt when she's ready to start a family. Her boyfriend told her that she is selfish for wanting to adopt when she is able to give birth to biological children.

Her questions are:

1. How important are genetics in parenting?
2. If I adopt will I be taking a child away from a couple who can't conceive one? Or am I helping out a child who may not have parents otherwise?
3. How can my boyfriend and I come to an agreement on the issue of adopting vs. giving birth?

I have some opinions on this issue but I'm going to hold off for a while on expressing them. I'd love to hear your advice to this woman. Please respond in the Comments area or e-mail me and I'll post a compilation of the responses.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Comments

[Julia Fischer]

I really hate the fact that everyone assumes that you are only adopting, because you cannot get pregnant. There are may reasons to adopt, and if you decide to make adoption your first choice, rather than your second, then to me it is the ultimate unselfish act. To open your heart & your home to a child that you will just love as much as a biological child should be the whole point of adoption, at least in my opinion anyway.

[Beverly Durham]

I was adopted and have known forever that when the time was right, I would adopt to give a child the same opportunities, stability and love my parents gave me. In a lot of ways, adopting a child was more important than giving birth. My dream recently came true, less than two months ago my 3-year-old twins came home. And yes, I can still have birth children if I choose to.

There are hundreds of thousands of kids looking for a forever family, the sign of complete unselfishness is adopting these children even if you can give birth.

[LeDonne]

I think the most important thing about choosing to adopt is the fact that it is giving an otherwise parentless child, parent(s) that will love and nuture him/her. There are so many children without parents, so I can't see this as anything but a completely unselfish act.

[Kari Grady Grossman]

I offer the words of adoptive parent Isabella Rossellini... "Adoption feels like a genetic connection because it links you directly, not only to your own gene pool, but to the genes of all humanity, all the way to the roots from which we originated... Adoption carries the added dimension of connection not only to your own tribe but beyond, widening the scope of what constitutes love, ties and family. It is a larger embrace."
That pretty much sums it up.

[fat bad and ugly]

sounds to me like the boyfriend has issues with adoption, and digging deeper might just uncover the real issues. Is HE selfish because he wants to father biologicals?

I say keep the adoption plans dump the boyfriend.

F.B.U

[Anastasia]

Usually people that choose adoption early in their lives have a good background of successful adoptions to look towards! Most people want their own children, it's a biological urge! He may also be scared to raise a child "not his" & putting money into something that he may view as free! If he understands her reasons & she his they might come to an agreement on this! Maybe adoption can be held off til later when they are both more mature?

[Laura Christianson]

An anonymous reader submitted the following comment:

I am an adoptive parent and regarding choosing getting pregnant when adoption is possible as selfish.

Seems rather ego-boosting to need to specifically add your genes to the pool, unless they are rather special!

[Josh Schraeder]

The better question - isn't bringing a new life into the world the most selfish thing you can do when there are countless lives just waiting for a home?