Exploring Adoption

Adoption: Tips for Decreasing Your Stress Level

During the past couple of weeks on my Christian Adoption blog at adoption.com, I've been offering a variety of tips for how to maintain your sanity during the adoption process, whether you're waiting to adopt a child or planning to place a child for adoption. Here are links to the tips:

Part 1: Think of Three Good Things That Happened Today

Part 2: Eliminate, Delegate, Streamline

Part 3: Sleep on It

Part 4:  Ground Rules

Part 5: Care for Yourself

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Unplanned Pregnancy: A Christmas Eve Reflection on Mary and Joseph

Mary, the mother of Jesus, can most certainly relate to the emotions of all women who experience an unexpected pregnancy. When the angel Gabriel shows up to inform the teenage Galilean girl that God has a little surprise in store for her, Mary experiences the shock of her life.

Gabriel bluntly announces, “You will become pregnant and give birth to a son and call his name Jesus. He will be great, be called ‘Son of the Highest.’ (Luke 1:31-32, The Message).

Mary trembles with a mixture of excitement and fear at Gabriel’s news. Granted, God has chosen her, a ‘nobody’ peasant girl, to attain the honor that Jewish women throughout history have desired. Yet an instant ethical dilemma accompanies the honor of being pregnant with the promised Messiah: everyone will assume Mary is pregnant out of wedlock.

Sure, she can claim that the Holy Spirit is the birth father of her unborn child. She can tell everyone that the child she’s carrying is the long-awaited Messiah. But she knows that her story will seem far-fetched at the very least. Imagine the thoughts that whirl through Mary’s mind: Why is this happening to me? I’m not married. My fiancé, Joseph, will think I’ve been sleeping with another man!

Joseph probably did think that, because he was prepared to break off the pending marriage. But fortunately, he, too, received an angelic visit that set him straight on the details of Mary’s mysterious pregnancy. Joseph agreed to stick by her, and the two of them (and God) prepared to face the wrath of their world head-on.

Mary and Joseph’s family, friends and neighbors must have thought the young couple had lost their minds. They glared at Mary, accusing her with their eyes: We see right through that outlandish story you’ve invented to cover up the fact that you’ve been a naughty girl. And Joseph – what a dope! That conniving little fiancé of his sure pulled the wool over his eyes. Why doesn’t he just disgrace her publicly or have her stoned?

It required more than a little strength of character for Mary and Joseph to ignore the criticism. For they knew that the ostracism, both subtle and blatant, would never diminish as long as they remained in Nazareth. So  they released their burden to God. With the assurance that God was in control, they allowed Him to direct their path.

As we celebrate the birth of Jesus, the son of Mary, Joseph and God, my prayer is that you release the burdens you’re carrying to God. His Word in Matthew 11:28-30 offers the perfect encouragement: “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me – watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or unfitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

‘A Home for the Holidays’ on CBS to Promote Adoption

“The 8th Annual A Home for the Holidays with Rod Stewart” will be broadcast tomorrow night, Friday, December 22, at 8 p.m. (ET/PT) on CBS.

This year's special continues to tell pre-taped stories about adoption to raise awareness of the more than 119,000 children in the United States foster care system who are waiting for adoptive families.

Their stories are framed by musical performances from Rod Stewart, Five for Fighting, John Legend, Katharine McPhee and Mary Mary. 

CLICK HERE TO WATCH A SAMPLE OF THE SHOW

Comedian Cedric the Entertainer ("Charlotte's Web"), Miley Cyrus ("Hannah Montana"), Angie Harmon ("Law & Order"), Melina Kanakaredes ("CSI: NY"), Rene Russo ("The Thomas Crown Affair") and Jeri Ryan ("Shark") present inspirational stories about adoption.

The segments about adoption include:

The Arguilez Family (San Diego) -- Nine-year-old Ricky and his six-year-old sister Isabella had lived in five different foster homes by the time they appeared on THE 7TH ANNUAL A HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS in 2005. 

"We had been waiting a long time… I worried we might get separated," said Ricky. 

But the siblings' long wait was finally over when Richard and Gloria Arguilez saw them on the special last year and immediately moved forward to adopt them. 

The White Family (Texarkana, Texas) -- Victor and Dawn White adopted their first daughter, Jimisha, in 2004. 

"I don't think I started living until I met my parents," said Jimisha. 

With the success of their first adoption, the Whites turned to the Wendy's Wonderful Kids program to find their second daughter, Myricle. 

"I knew I had met people that really loved me," said Myricle.  This holiday season, the Whites chose to complete their family by adopting their third daughter, two-year-old Jalaia.

The Mills Family (Los Angeles) -- In 1996, Erin Mills became a mentor to Krystine, a nine-year-old girl who came from a troubled home.  Over the next several years, as Krystine's home life deteriorated, her relationship with Erin strengthened.  When Krystine was finally placed in foster care as a teenager, Erin received permission to adopt the little girl she loved. 

"Before, I didn't feel worthwhile," said 19-year-old Krystine.  "With my mom, Erin, I know I am worth something, even worth saving."

Children Waiting -- There are over one half million children currently in foster care in the United States.  This segment gives voice to these numbers by creating an intimate portrait of children who need permanent, loving homes. 

Musical performances include:

Rod Stewart performs "Have You Ever Seen the Rain," "I'll Stand By You" and "It's A Heartache."

Five for Fighting singer and songwriter John Ondrasik performs his hit song "The Riddle.”

John Legend performs "Save Room.”

American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee sings "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

Gospel duo Mary Mary perform the holiday favorite, "'Tis the Season." 

What Was I Supposed to Be?

Today we welcome guest columnist, Lanita Bradley Boyd

I squinted against the glare of oncoming headlights.  Why was I so foolish to keep a 7-year-old out late on a school night?  I thought.  Was the Christian concert we had driven 45 miles to hear worth it?  I was tired and sleepy and questioning my parental judgment.

I glanced at Kelsey to see if she was asleep yet.  Eyes bright, she was obviously not as drowsy as I was.

"Mom, what was that song about with all the pictures of the doctor's stuff and teacher's stuff and children and old people and with the baby's hand at the end?"

I had to think.  Several of the concert's songs had used accompanying slides for effect.  Then I remembered.

"Do you mean, 'What Was I Supposed to Be?'" I asked.

"Yes, that's it.  What did that mean?"

I took a deep breath.  I was wide awake now, praying quickly my explanation would be complete and yet not too frightening for her.  Hesitantly, I began.

"Honey, sometimes girls get pregnant when they aren't married."  I could tell by her look I was already in trouble.

"But how can they do that?  I thought getting married was how you had babies."

"Well," I groped, "sometimes teenagers do things before they are married--well, they act like--well, they do with each other's bodies what married people do.  Then the girl gets pregnant. 
When she does, she has various choices."

I took a breath.  "The girl and boy can get married if they love each other.  A lot of people do that.  Sometimes it works out to be a good marriage, and sometimes it doesn't.

"The girl and her parents can keep the baby and take care of it.  Or the girl can give it up for adoption."  I paused, considering my next words.  "The way your birth mother did you."

Kelsey brought me back to the point.  "I still don't understand the song."

"The other choice is called abortion.  That's when a doctor uses instruments inside the girl--a type of surgery--to get rid of the baby when it is still very tiny."

The voice beside me was also tiny.  "Then what happens to the baby?"

"It's gone.  The hospital gets rid of it, and the girl goes home.  She isn't pregnant anymore."  I hoped I was telling Kelsey what she could hear and comprehend.

"The song was written from the baby's viewpoint,"  I continued.  "The baby was asking Jesus what is would have been if it had lived to be born.  It said, 'What was I supposed to be?  What were my eyes supposed to see?  Why did I taste of death before I even drew a breath, hid my head at my mother's breast to sleep?  O Jesus, what was I supposed to be?'"

I had no idea whether any of this was making sense to my little traveling companion until I heard her shuddering breath.

I glanced over to see tears streaming from her eyes.  She caught her breath in short puffs.

Finally, she whispered, "Then that's what my birth mother could have done to me, if she hadn't loved me so much?"

I eased the car to the side of the highway and stopped.  I took Kelsey in my arms, and we both sobbed and stroked each other--and loved each other even more than before.

This gift of love from an unknown birth mother had changed my life forever.  Tonight this song had made my little daughter aware for the first time of one of the greatest gifts of love--the gift of life.
___________________

This article previously appeared in The Christian Reader, Sept/Oct 1992, in a variety of adoption agency newsletters and websites, and in God Allows U-Turns: A Woman's Journey, Promise Press, 2002, and in Journeys of Love, Barbour Publishing, 2004.  The author retains rights.

Lanita Bradley Boyd is a speaker and free-lance writer who lives in Fort Thomas, Kentucky. Her daughter, Kelsey, is now 26 years old. In her writing she draws on her many years of teaching and working with churches in a wide variety of ministries. She can be reached through her website at www.lanitaboyd.com.

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Kenyan Pastor Arrested for Scamming Infertile Couples

I found an intriguing little article buried on page 19 of today's Seattle Times.

A pastor in Kenya was arrested for claiming to help infertile couples conceive "miracle babies."

Apparently, Pastor Gilbert Deya blessed infertile and post-menopausal women, praying that they would conceive "through the power of prayer and the Lord Jesus."

Nairobi police say Deya then sent the women to Kenya, supposedly to give birth.

In a not-so-coincidental coincidence, at the same time these prayed-for women were supposedly giving birth, newborn babies born to other parents were disappearing from the hospital. Some of these parents were told that their newborns had died when their babies disappeared from the hospital.

One "pregnant" woman whom Deya had prayed for described receiving injections for presumed labor pain, but was not conscious during childbirth.

Deya faces kidnapping charges and is suspected of international child trafficking.

Source: The Seattle Times, "Miracle" babies may have been kidnapped (Associated Press)

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Adoption Fundraising With Widgets

Here's a cool idea for adoption fundraising from adoptive mom, Beth Kanter: a Widget Campaign. A widget is simply a graphical gadget (in this case, a fundraising progress meter) that even non-techies can easily embed on a blog or Web site (more on how to do that in a minute).

Beth Kanter, the mother of two children adopted from Cambodia, writes on her blog:
When we adopted our beautiful children, we also adopted their birth country. We have embraced Khmer culture and we also feel a responsibility to give something back to the country, particularly to seriously disadvantaged children in Cambodia. Soon after coming home with our first child nearly seven years ago, I volunteered for the Sharing Foundation, an ngo that works directly with local officials, orphanages, and NGOs in Cambodia to identify and carry out projects which improve the lives of children.  I now serve on the board.

She explains that the Sharing Foundation works to create and improve educational opportunities for Cambodian children of all ages, including public school projects, pre-school, Khmer literacy, English language instruction, high school and college sponsorships, and vocational training.

Beth's family contributes $750 annually to sponsor an orphan's college education through the Sharing Foundation.  She created the Sharing Foundation widget using ChipIn, a Web-based service that provided her with a widget that displays her monetary goal, how much money has been raised, and the date her fundraising campaign ends. She raised $872, exceeding her goal!

ChipIn does not charge any fees for organizers and contributors of events which raise less than $10,000. ChipIn processes and tracks all contributions, which can be made via PayPal or any major credit card. ChipIn users can have the funds directly deposited into their bank accounts, receive a check after the fundraising event is completed, or deposited to whatever PayPal account you specify.

Beth lists the names of donors to her widget campaign on her blog (I assume she obtained permission from her donors to use their names).

Beth's latest project was to set up a charity badge  at Network for Good to support the Sharing Foundation's educational programs. Network For Good Charity Badges are a beta release now, which means there might be bugs, but Beth says you can upload personal photos, text, and video on them.

She writes:

"You can select the recipient from the charities registered on Network for Good. The main incentive for me to set this up was that you can also create it through Yahoo!’s Network of Giving campaign and the Sharing Foundation could receive up to $50,000 in matching funds, plus publicity on Yahoo!’s web site."

Thanks, Beth, for sharing such a great fundraising idea! Readers, if you are looking for a good cause for year-end giving, consider contributing to Beth's campaign to benefit the Sharing Foundation.

The Adoption Poll Results are In

The results of my first blog poll are in. The question was:

What are you most interested in reading about adoption? (voters could choose two options):

44.7% - Information about adoptive parenting
40.4% - Personal adoption stories
34% - Information about how to adopt
29.8% - Adoption statistics
8.5% - Reviews of adoption-related books
6.4% - News of celebrities who are adopting

This week's poll asks: Is it possible to love an adopted child as much as a birth child?
Cast your vote in the right sidebar of this blog (directly below "Book of the Week"). After you vote, it will display the results to date. You can even copy the code and paste the same poll on your own blog or Web site (if you do, please include a link back to the Exploring Adoption blog).

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Adoption Jewelry & Greeting Cards

Deirdre and Company
Hand-crafted sterling silver jewelry and wall sculptures to celebrate the process of adoption or your adopted children. Each piece is packaged with a card celebrating the joys of adoption. Also available are adoption magnets and a pendant celebrating the Tree of Life at the FANA orphanage in Bogotá, Colombia.

Heartsong Cards
Cards that celebrate adoptive families: holiday cards, note cards, announcements, thank you, congratulations, and adoption day cards.

Laura's Links to oodles of Adoption Merchandise Sites

Laura's Links to Even More Adoption Merchandise Sites

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Laura Christianson to speak at Woodinville Barnes & Noble

I'd like to invite those of you who live in the Seattle area to attend a free workshop: "Moonlighting Your Way to Writing Success," Monday, December 11 from 7:30-8:30 at the Woodinville Barnes & Noble.

Jenn Doucette and I will be teaching the workshop together, and we'll share tips for pitching your article and book ideas to editors and agents--techniques that will land you paying assignments.

Jenn is the author of The Velveteen Mommy: Laughter And Tears From The Toy Box Years and the soon-to-be published Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This: Refreshing Rest Stops for Moms on the Run.

The Barnes & Noble store is located at  18025 Garden Way NE, Woodinville, WA (425) 398-1990

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.

Teach Me Musical Language Learning Tapes

The award-winning Teach Me... books use familiar songs to teach children the fundamentals of foreign language vocabulary, the alphabet, numbers and colors, days of the week and much more. Each CD has been recorded using native speakers and professional musicians, and is accompanied by a fully illustrated book. Available in Chinese, English, French, German, Hebrew, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Russian, and Spanish.

Laura's Links to oodles of Adoption Merchandise Sites

Laura's Links to Even More Adoption Merchandise Sites

For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Exploring Adoption bookstore.