Exploring Adoption

The Art of Book Publishing

I’m going underground for the next few weeks so I won’t be blogging as regularly as usual. I have one chapter left to write in my book, “What’s So Great About Adoption,” and then I’ll make revisions.

My husband made me a nifty little chart so I can visually track how many words I’ve written and how many I have left to write (only 7,075 words to go!). It’s a good motivator for me. Since I’m used to writing 1,000-word magazine articles, writing a 65,000-word book is somewhat daunting. Watching my chart gradually get “taller” helps me to see that I’m making progress.

I’m also preparing to teach workshops at the upcoming Glorieta Christian Writers Conference in New Mexico and working on several stories for one of my clients.

When people learn I’m writing a book, they usually say, “I want to write a book, too. How do I go about getting it published?”

Here’s my standard response:

1. Develop a “platform.”
2. Get to know literary agents and editors.

The Platform
Your “platform” is, for lack of a better word, your reputation within the industry. In other words, you must prove to a publisher that you’re capable of selling thousands upon thousands copies of the book you author so that the publisher will make money off your book sales.

Common ways to build a platform include writing articles, speaking, having a high-profile job, and blogging about your area of expertise. That way, when people see your name, they’ll automatically think, “Oh yeah, Laura Christianson writes that Exploring Adoption blog. I saw articles she wrote in X magazine and Y newspaper. And I attended a workshop she taught at Z conference. I must buy her book this instant!”

Sidenote: It never hurts to know someone really, really famous who will put in a good word for you or offer to help sell your book. If you are famous, please contact me!

Agents and Editors
In order to meet agents and editors, you have to attend writers’ conferences and trade shows. The publishing industry is so highly competitive that unless you’ve met an editor/agent in person, your chances of getting in the door are slim.

At writers’ conferences, even newbies with few or no publishing credits can sometimes land a book contract if their writing is exceptional and they pitch their idea to the right editor at the right time.

But even knowing industry insiders doesn’t guarantee success. Lately, I’ve been corresponding with a literary agent who I consider a “friendly acquaintance” – we’ve socialized at various conferences. I “pitched” a couple of potential book ideas to this agent and the response was, “Your ideas sound more like magazine articles.”

You can have a cordial relationship with an agent and they’ll still say “no” to your ideas or “no” to representing you because:

A.    They’re just pretending to like you and they secretly wish you’d leave them alone.

B.    Your writing stinks.

C.    Your idea doesn’t meet the current demand within the industry. An agent’s job (and an acquisition editor’s job) is to evaluate the marketability of the book proposals they receive. If they don’t think it’s going to sell, they’ll tell you so, point blank.

Would-be authors have to develop thick skin. When an editor/agent says “no,” you’ll either shrug your shoulders and move on to the next idea or continue tweaking your current idea until it works.

Clay Aiken Considers Adoption

American Idol star Clay Aiken is considering adopting an orphan, reports ContactMusic.com. Or perhaps sending an orphan to college.

In the article he says, "There's an orphanage not too far from my house, and I've been up (there) before with (my) church. "I always thought, 'What happens to those kids who have the potential to go to college but just can't afford it?' I've been thinking a lot lately about finding a way to pay for one of those kids to go to college."

Source: ContactMusic.com

Minors in 34 States Don’t Need Parental Permission to Place a Child for Adoption

Today, as I was researching for the adoption book I’m writing, I came across the following statistics:

Thirty four states and the District of Columbia permit a minor mother to place her child for adoption without her own parents' permission or knowledge. In addition, 11 states make no distinction between minor and adult parents; in these states, the decision to relinquish her child for adoption rests with the young mother.

In practice, it is likely that some adoption agencies and judges (all adoptions, regardless of the mother's age, have to be approved by a court) require that a young woman's parents be involved in the adoption decision.

In principle, however, virtually all states consider a minor mother capable of making an independent decision about whether or not to place her child for adoption (although a few states require that the minor have a court-appointed guardian).

Source: “Minors and the Right to Consent to Health Care,” By Heather Boonstra and Elizabeth Nash, The Guttmacher Report on Public Policy, August 2000, Volume 3, Number 4

ADHD Linked to Prenatal Smoking

An Associated Press article noted that children whose mothers smoke during pregnancy are 2 ½ times more likely to have ADHD than children who aren’t prenatally exposed to tobacco. In other words, about one-third of attention deficit cases among U.S. children may be linked with smoking during pregnancy or to lead exposure afterward.

The study concurs with a 2000 study that said about 3 percent of all developmental and neurological disorders in U.S. children are caused by toxic chemicals and other environmental factors. Another 25 percent are due to a combination of environmental factors and genetics.

Postnatal tobacco smoke exposure was not associated with ADHD.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a disorder affecting between 4 and 12 percent of school-age children. Children with ADHD have impulsivity problems and difficulty concentrating.

So where does the lead exposure come in? According to Dr. Helen Binns, a researcher at Children’s Memorial Hospital in Chicago, young children with ADHD are more likely to eat old leaded paint chips or inhale leaded paint dust.

Children with blood lead levels of more than 2 micrograms per deciliter were four times more likely to have ADHD.

The complete study can be downloaded as a PDF from Environmental Health Perspectives. The 38-page report is titled, “Exposures to Environmental Toxins and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder in U.S. Children”

Source: “Prenatal smoking is linked to ADHD,” By Lindsey Tanner, The Seattle Times

For more news and info about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

'Black Baby White Hands': A 5-part Series

The complete series of posts about Jaiya John's memoir, Black Baby White Hands, is now available at my Christian Adoption blog at adoption.com.

Part 1: Book Review: Black Baby White Hands by Jaiya John 

Part 2: The pervasiveness of White culture

Part 3: Growing up Black in a White Culture

Part 4: Adoptive Siblings: Black Brother, White Sister

Part 5: How to Handle the ‘Ancestral Map’ School Assignment

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

'Black Baby White Hands' Takes a Hard Look at Transracial Adoption

Part 1 in a 5-part series

Book Review: Black Baby White Hands by Jaiya John

An adoptive mom e-mailed me, writing: “We focus more on our children’s Christian heritage than on their racial heritage. We don’t have contact with the black community, but we don’t think that is altogether necessary.”

That got me to wondering: Is it better for parents who adopt transracially to be ‘color-blind’, or should they be deliberate about acquainting their child with his or her ethnic heritage?

I came to the following conclusion:

Our ultimate identity is defined by our relationship with our Creator and by the fact that we are God’s children. However, race matters. More than we’d like to admit. Part of loving our transracially adopted children unconditionally means helping them develop a positive sense of identity with their race or ethnic background.

My thinking was shaped, in large part, by Jaiya John, author of Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib. Jaiya John has the distinction of being the first African American baby adopted by a white family in the state of New Mexico. John’s lyrical memoir details his life as a black child growing up in a mostly-white community during the late 1960s and ‘70s.

John describes himself as “an acutely sensitive Black child” who was imprinted from birth with African American culture—a culture his adoptive parents denied him—not of malice, but simply because they didn’t know better.

His memoir chronicles his growing-up years, focusing mostly on his perception of himself from birth to age 10. John enjoyed a loving family who doted on him. He never felt any sense of racial bias from members of his immediate family. But from a very young age, John intuitively sensed that he and his brother Greg (also an adopted black child) were somehow different from the rest of his family. That realization saddened and angered him because John wanted, more than anything, to belong.

He tried to fit in by being popular, athletic, and funny. Intensely aware of anything that could be construed as racial bias, John gradually withdrew from the world, marinating in self-hatred and anger.

It wasn’t until John was in his early 20s and had reunited with his birth family that he finally admitted to himself just how deeply resentment, negativity, self-pity and selfishness had taken root inside his soul. He writes, “I realized I had a choice.  I could either commit myself to becoming a healthy person, or I could to throughout life unhappy and forever isolated.”

John began to initiate conversations with his parents about why they had never addressed his Blackness, or the fact that he and his brother were adopted. His mother’s response simultaneously saddened him, enlightened him, and put his entire family on a path to relational healing.

While John’s memoir is ponderous in places and a bit repetitive, it is beautifully and poetically written. Adopted people who have grown up in transracial families will greatly appreciate John’s musings. Black Baby White Hands should be on the required reading list for all planning to adopt transracially, particularly for those who adopt a black child.

The next posts in this series will be posted on my Christian Adoption blog at adoption.com. I will add links to the posts as they go live.

Part 2: Excerpts from Black Baby White Hands –The pervasiveness of White culture

Part 3: Excerpts from Black Baby White Hands – Growing up Black in a White Culture

Part 4: Excerpts from Black Baby White Hands – Adoptive Siblings: Black Brother, White Sister

Part 5: How to Handle the ‘Ancestral Map’ School Assignment

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

‘Dear Abby’ Reader Wonders: How Do I Tell My Future Children About the Child I Placed for Adoption?

‘Jessica in South Carolina’ wrote a letter to ‘Dear Abby,’ explaining that during her freshman year in college, she placed her newborn son for adoption. She receives frequent updates and pictures from her son’s parents and says she has no regrets about her decision.

Jessica is now engaged to be married, and during premarital counseling, the question arose as to how they would tell their future children about Jessica’s son. She and her fiancé agreed that they would like their children to know about their half-brother from their earliest memory.

Jessica’s question: “We don’t know how to tell them in a way that will not upset them, confuse them or scare them. Any suggestions?

If you were Abby, how would you advise Jessica? Please post your comments below.

To read Abby’s response, and my own thoughts, visit my Christian Adoption Blog at adoption.com.

Related Posts:

When Should You Tell Your Child the Circumstances Behind His or Her Adoption?

What is the Ideal Age at Which to Tell Your Child He Was Adopted?

When Should You Tell Your Child He Was Adopted?

How Often do Adopted Children Think About Adoption?

Openness in Adoption: How Much Can You Handle?

For more news and information about adoption, please visit www.laurachristianson.com.

No 'Back-to-School Blues' for this Mommy

We’ve just about made it through Week One of school (and it was really only half a week). On Wednesday, my 10-year-old was up at 6 a.m., showered, and rarin’ to go (his bus comes at 8:23).

Thursday, I woke him up at 7:15 and he was angry that I hadn’t gotten him up at 6:45 so he could take “an hour-long shower” (actually, he’s in there less than 10 minutes but it must seem like an hour to him). 

Today, I woke him up at 7 and he laid in bed another 10 minutes before slouching into the shower. Then he put reinforcements on all the dividers in his 3-ring binder for about 45 minutes, scarfed down a bowl of cereal and slid into the bus stop just as the bus was pulling up. Whew!

He got the same teacher his brother had for 5th grade and loves her. I think the feeling is mutual.

In his “off time,” he is the ball boy for the high school football team that his uncle coaches. This year, he has moved up to “head ball boy.” He takes his job very seriously. His first game of the season was last Friday. After the game, he told my hubby that he had “made two errors at bellboy.” He then proceeded to ask my husband whether there is a Ballboy Hall of Fame. Apparently, the ref told him that he should be inducted into this particular Hall of Fame.

My 14-year-old went off to eighth grade, happy as could be. He is Mr. Social. The week before school started (oh yeah, that was only last week!), he started cross country practice and got his locker and combination. His main goal was to memorize his locker combo before school started. He achieved that goal.

He doesn’t say much about school; I think he’s still settling in, but he seems to like most of his classes and teachers. Eighth grade, I’ve learned, is all about being “cool” and giving the “sevvies” a bad time.

As for me, I went out to breakfast with my girlfriend on Wednesday to celebrate—er—mourn the start of the school year. An hour was not enough to get caught up on each other’s summer and to plan our fall work projects (we’re both freelance writers and are collaborating on some projects). After school on Wednesday, I took my son to her house to play with her son, and my friend and I both sprawled on couches and vegged for another hour. Her husband kept coming in and out. He just looked at me and laughed and said, “I knew you’d still be here!”

My husband, who’s a teacher, hung around our house all summer. While he did a great job taking the boys places so I’d have time to write my book, having him and the boys around is just not the same as having a full six hours of predictable, total quietness every day.

Well, maybe not complete silence. They’re putting a sewer down the middle of my street so backhoes, gravel trucks and assorted  heavy equipment beep and grind away all day long. But other than that, it’s quiet. No voices. No slamming doors. NO INTERRUPTIONS. So I’m pouring it on, researching and writing the final three chapters of my book, “What’s So Great About Adoption,” during the next few weeks.

Aaah, freedom. It feels good.

Book Review: 'So You Want to Adopt...Now What?'

Sara Dormon is a clinical psychologist who counsels women who face unplanned pregnancies and are considering adoption. Ruth Graham is the mother of a woman who released a child for adoption when she was a teenager. So it makes sense that So You Want to Adopt…Now What? seeks to help adoptive parents understand adoption from the perspective of the birth parent.

This easy read is geared specifically for infertile Christian couples who plan to pursue domestic open adoption in which the birth mother chooses parents for her baby. If you fit those parameters, you’ll find this book valuable.

The authors take turns advising readers within each chapter, with Sara doing the bulk of the narration and Ruth chiming in with her thoughts at the end of each chapter. Although Sara is a clinical psychologist, the book isn’t loaded with psycho-babble. Just the opposite, in fact. Both authors write in a down-to-earth, conversational tone that’s easy to understand and digest.

This book focuses very little on the process of adoption, but rather, on the emotions a birth mother experiences as she makes an adoption plan. For instance, in the chapter on working through the pain and heartache of infertility, Ruth reminds readers that the confused, scared, pregnant woman who’s considering adoption is also experiencing an all-consuming heartache.

In the chapter on waiting for your child, Sara points out that potential parents often try to manipulate and control the situation, which makes them appear desperate in a birth mother’s eyes. “A birthmother wants the parents of her child to be confident, stable, loving and patient,” writes Sara.

I love Sara’s philosophy for adoptive parents: “expect nothing, and then everything will be a gift.”

In the last few chapters, several individuals recount their personal adoption stories: an adoptive dad, an adult adopted person, several birth mothers, and the father of a birth mother. While these stories were interesting, they felt tacked on and somewhat disjointed from the rest of the book. They would have worked better if woven into earlier chapters in which similar themes were developed.

Still, the book is a helpful read for adoptive parents-to-be who will be establishing relationships with the birth parents of their child. It provides valuable insights into the minds and hearts of birth families—the people the authors call “the forgotten side” of adoption.

Pictured above: Ruth Graham and Sara Dormon at the International Christian Retail Show 2006 in Denver. Ruth and Sara also co-authored  I'm Pregnant...Now What?: Heartfelt Advice on Getting Through an Unplanned Pregnancy. I'll be reviewing that book in a future post.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Interview with Infant Massage Therapist, Joni Rubinstein

In the previous post, I reviewed the video, “Bonding Through Touch: Infant Massage for Adoptive Families,” produced by Joni Rubinstein.

Laura Christianson: What’s your background in massage therapy?

Joni Rubinstein: I have been a Certified Licensed Massage Therapist since 1978 and was certified in Infant Massage (IM) in 1987. I have three children, now 25, 23, and 19, who have been massaged since birth. My business, Three Hearts, is named for them.

LC: How did you get interested in infant massage (IM)?

JR: I was drawn to IM because I had taught and practiced Prenatal Massage for many years and this seemed like a natural step to take. After my certification, I began teaching new parents IM and it became a fun class/support group for new mothers and fathers. 

Bonding was not an issue for these parents; they were delightful families who enjoyed and connected well with their babies. I enjoyed these families very much, but had a sense that something was missing for me as far as the meaning of the work. 

LC: When did you begin working with adoptive families?

JR: I was contacted by an adoption agency in Tucson. This agency placed babies and older children with disabilities and from other countries and recognized the need for tools for bonding and attachment. I began to volunteer working with their parents, and that experience felt like just what I was waiting for. IM took on a deeper meaning for me with those families. 

Shortly after that I was contacted by a Teen Parent program in a local high school. I started teaching IM to mothers, and a few fathers who ranged in ages from 14-18. This experience brought home the absolute necessity of bonding. Infant Massage was a simple and easy method for these teens to learn and apply. 

Now I had two new populations to relate the work to; one was extremely prepared for parenting and committed to their children or awaited children, and the other unprepared and thrown into an age-inappropriate role of parent.  What they shared, for vastly different reasons, was the risk for bonding. I felt like I found my calling for IM.

LC: Why did you decide to produce videos about infant massage?

JR: When my life changed due to divorce, I was not able to volunteer as much, so I decided to make the videos. Healthy Touch: Infant Massage for Teenage Parents was first, then Bonding Through Touch: Infant Massage for Adoptive Families. 

I was fortunate to have absolutely amazing parents to work with for both videos.  The teen parents from two high school programs were impressive in their dedication to participate and they learned so much about parenting and bonding.  It was heartwarming to see them dedicate themselves to the process and the parent/child relationships benefited. 

My adoptive families were committed to IM and their relationships with their babies was deepened and completed with IM. Both productions were fun and meaningful. 

LC: In what other ways are you involved with IM?

JR: Over the years, I have presented at state and national conferences on the importance of IM and the bonding process. I have met wonderful parents of diverse backgrounds and ages who understand the power of touch in bonding.

LC: I’ll bet you’ve had great fun working with adoptive parents.

JR: I have great respect for adoptive parents who open their hearts and homes to children from all over the world and with a variety of needs. Many I have met have adopted several children and it is not an exaggeration to say that these children would not have made it without their adoptive and foster parents.

One woman at a NACAP conference come up to my display table and told me about the many disabled and addicted children she has raised. If I remember correctly, it was at least 10. She talked about how she would hold and rub them and just love them. People with hearts that big are amazing!

LC: What’s your next career step?

All children deserve to be wanted, accepted, and touched with love. That is why I have been drawn to IM for enhancing bonding with teen and adoptive parents.  All children deserve to reach their potential.

That is why at 52, I am entering a new career as a school counselor. You can see un-bonded behaviors in children in schools all over the country. I know that real contact is the way to reach children. Touch is a universal language; if your child has only heard Chinese or Russian spoken, you can still say “I love you” with touch and eye contact. It is powerful, it is simple, and it is fun.  You have to make it fun, playful, loving and consistent. Babies can thrive on that.

“Bonding Through Touch: Infant Massage for Adoptive Families,” costs $20 plus $6 shipping/handling for either VHS or DVD. To order, visit www.thethreehearts.com.