Exploring Adoption

6 Things You Need to Know About International Adoption

Here's a short quiz to test your knowledge of the issues surrounding international adoption.

Mark each True or False:

1. It is a myth that orphanages in other parts of the world are cold, sterile places where children receive very little individual attention.

2. It is best to adopt children who are very young -- under 2 or 3 years old -- because the institutional living or loss of parents has had less effect on them than on older children.

3. Institutionalized children will react to neglect or mistreatment by trying to comfort themselves with sometimes bizarre habits that can be hard to give up once adopted.

4. An area in which adoptive families and schools can have great success with formerly institutionalized children is that of communication skills.

5. The biggest obstacle to successful adaptation among international orphans is usually the difficulty they have in attaching emotionally to people because of the early neglect of their psychological needs.

6. Adoptive parents should assume that love will conquer all, and proceed with international adoptions with that credo set to cover any eventuality.

For the answers and Dr. Joyce Brothers' explanation, visit this link to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.

If you can't wait to see how you did on the quiz, the answers and a brief summary of each is as follows:

1. False - Most orphanages are NOT cozy, stimulating places to live.
2. True - Children institutionalized for a shorter amount of time have the best chance of adapting in a normal, healthy manner.
3. True - Extreme self-comfort habits are common among institutionalized children.
4. True - Learning disabilities among institutionalized kids are frequent, but most respond enthusiastically to being communicated with and learn language quickly.
5. True - Kids deprived of parental affection in early childhood have a difficult time forming attachments.
6. False - Love is the foundation for adoption, but you're going to need help. Don't be afraid to ask for it.

If you were able to answer four or more of the questions correctly, you are likely to have more than a superficial understanding of the emotional and psychological aspects of international adoptions.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

China Care to Recieve Proceeds from Adoption Book Sales

Here's a neat way to help provide funds for a Chinese orphan to receive medical treatment or surgery:

From September 1 until December 31, $5 from every sale of the children's book, Mama’s Wish – Daughter’s Wish, will be donated to China Care. Monies donated to China Care are used for life saving operations for orphans and also in grants to help U.S. families adopt a special needs child.

The book can be ordered from www.chinacare.org or www.pebbletonpress.com. For each book ordered from these sites, you receive a fully illustrated, hard cover book autographed by both the author, Debbie Blackington, and her daughter, Brynne.

Contact 203-227-6553 or info@chinacare.org for further information.

Related link:
Laura Christianson's review of Mama’s Wish – Daughter’s Wish

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Sharon Stone Adopts Third Child

It's official. Actress Sharon Stone, 48, adopted a third baby son, Quinn. Her other two boys (also adopted) are Roan Joseph, 6, and Laird Vonne, 15 months.

Source: Hollywood.com

Related Posts About Sharon Stone:

Actress Sharon Stone Adopts Grandparents

Celebrities Adopting

Sharon Stone Discusses Adoption

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my web site, www.laurachristianson.com. 

3-Year-Old Adopted Twins from China Meet

Here's a neat story from CNN about two little girls who were abandoned in China two years ago and adopted by different sets of parents -- one living in the Chicago area and the other in the Miami area.

The girls' mothers met on a Web site for parents who had adopted internationally. After recognizing how much alike their girls looked, they did some DNA testing, which proves that the girls, both of whom are named Mia, are fraternal twins.

The two sets of parents say they're committed to keeping the girls in touch with one another.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

When Your Spouse is Reluctant to Adopt

Part 2 of 4

In the previous post, I reviewed Adoption as a Ministry, Adoption as a Blessing by Michelle Gardner. In the next two posts, we’ll look more closely at some of the topics introduced in the book.

Michelle’s husband, Steve Gardner, chimes in on one chapter called “The Reluctant Father.” He describes his shock at Michelle’s announcement that she wanted to adopt and the arguments he presented against adoption. He writes:

Why in the world would we want to run the risk of ruining a perfectly good family? Our biological kids were just getting to the age where they were demonstrating some independence. Frankly I enjoyed the freedom this afforded us. And how would a new child with unknown issues affect our ministries in Taiwan? Another issue that was in the forefront of my thinking was how in the world we could afford such a costly endeavor. Sure we had savings, but did I really want to empty our bank account for what I saw as a whim on Michelle’s part? After all, there are millions and millions of children in the world without families. What difference could we possibly make?

Steve had more questions:

• What about the size of our house?
• What kind of emotional baggage would a child who had been abandoned at birth and raised in an institution bring to the family?

Similar to many couples in which one spouse is reluctant to adopt, Steve realized that Michelle’s persistent desire to adopt “was not a passing phase in Michelle’s spiritual journey.”

She encouraged Steve to seek the Lord’s will through prayer and personal study. When he told her that he doubted he’d ever change his mind, she didn’t get angry, nor did she waver from her own conviction.

As Steve searched Scripture and God’s direction, his attitude toward adoption slowly began to change. “Every time I opened my Bible it seemed like adoption and the Lord’s love for children jumped out at me,” Steve wrote. “Suddenly I found myself asking a different sort of question. I no longer asked in what ways God had made it clear that adoption was not an option for our family. Instead I began to look at ways He had made it clear that it was.”

The final piece that reshaped Steve’s thinking about adoption was when he began to understand that “adoption is a beautiful picture of what the Lord had offered to me the day I asked Christ to become my Savior…God accepted me bag and baggage with no strings attached. He opened His eternal kingdom to me, not as a slave but as a son, a joint heir with Jesus. It became quite clear that the Lord did want us to open our home to another child.”

The Gardners went on to adopt not only the three children described in Adoption as a Ministry, Adoption as a Blessing; they have adopted SIX additional children!

Michelle Gardner makes a short, yet revealing statement midway through the book:

“How much we would have missed if we had listened to our fears.”

Learn more about Michelle and Steve's family and ministry at Kingdom Kids Adoption Ministries.

In Part 3 of this series: How to respond to questions people ask about international adoption.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Book Review: 'Adoption as a Ministry, Adoption as a Blessing'

Part 1 of 4

If you’re considering adopting an older child with physical challenges, you should read Adoption as a Ministry, Adoption as a Blessing, by Michelle Gardner. In 1994, Michelle and Steve Gardner thought they had the perfect family; they had two biological sons, ages 10 and 8, and a daughter, 5. The family lived in Taiwan, where Michelle and Steve taught in a school for missionary kids and helped in a Chinese church.

The book recounts their decision to adopt a 5-year-old girl from China with cleft lip and palate; a 4-year-old girl from Russia with limb deficiencies; and a 9-year-old boy from India who was nearly blind.

The author intersperses her narrative of her family’s intriguing adoption stories with reflections from her adopted children and from her biological children. She also includes an overview of what the Bible says about ministering to children who don’t have anyone to permanently care for them.

“Clearly it is every believer’s responsibility to care for orphans, not just a select few,” Gardner writes. Some of those ways might include sending blankets to orphaned children; volunteering as a children’s court advocate; fostering or adopting children.

Gardner explains that people shouldn’t enter adoption and foster care lightly, but only after earnestly seeking the Lord’s direction.

“The attitude with which a family approaches adoption is critical. No one, least of all a vulnerable child, wants to feel like he is being rescued. A family needs to be sure they aren’t acting out of pity. However, to act our of kindness and love and the desire to share their abundant blessings with a child is certainly a proper motive.”

The book includes not only Michelle and Steve Gardner’s reflections about the adoption of three of their children, but is peppered with strong encouragement for churches to love and support adoptive families. The last chapter describes Kingdom Kids Adoption Ministries, a non-profit corporation that the Gardners founded to encourage Christians to embrace adoption and support adoptive families.

The next posts in this series will take a closer look at some of the topics Michelle Gardner introduces:
Part 2: The reluctant spouse
Part 3: Responding to questions others ask about international adoption
Part 4: Attitude of the church family toward adoption

Six Tips for Families Considering Foster-Adoption

Part 3 of 3

In the previous two posts in this series, I reviewed the children’s book, My Special Someone, and chatted with author Sherry Kyle. Today, Sherry offers tips for foster-adopt families:

Foster-adoption is not for the faint of heart. It’s hard. It’s emotionally draining. But it’s also very rewarding when you’re blessed with a child who you know God has for your family. They’re worth the fight.

Go to at least three different adoption agency information meetings, because you see what different agencies have to offer. If you’re a Christian, you might prefer to work with a Christian agency. Look for a good fit between you and your agency.

When you visit the agencies, ask:

• What is the geographic range from which children are available (the wider the range, the more opportunities for you to begin fostering a child).
• What age range do they see most?
• What’s your policy on sibling group adoption?
• What limits are there on the ages of children available (for example, some agencies facilitate adoptions of children aged 5 and up; others work with children under age 2).
• Is the child a member of a sibling group?
• How many prospective parents are in your waiting ‘pool’?
• What kind of experience does the staff have with foster-adoption?
• Describe the type of personal attention the prospective adoptive family receives.

Define the criteria to which you’re open: medical issues; abuse, neglect or abandonment issues; drug exposure; learning disabilities, etc.

Sherry says, “My husband and I prayed every night for specific things we thought we could be open to. But every case is different and unique. Our criteria was to adopt a child who was at least a year younger than our youngest in school. We’re a very active, busy family. We were open to all races, but wanted someone who could pick up and go like the rest of us. We ended up submitting our home study for a child that we probably wouldn’t have at the beginning of the process.”

Don’t be afraid to love your child from the beginning. Adoption professionals recommend, “Don’t fall in love with a picture,” but how can you not?

Stay strong and pray a lot.

Get a support group behind you. Have somebody you can call and talk to during those hard days when the court date didn’t work out. Share information with people who you are certain will be positive and supportive.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Chatting about Foster-Adoption with Author, Sherry Kyle

Part 2 of 3

In the previous post, I reviewed Brittany and Sherry Kyle’s children’s book, My Special Someone. Today, you’ll learn more about Sherry Kyle, as she shares her story about adopting her daughter, Grace.

During an interview with Shari, she told me:

When I was 10, I saw a 1958 movie called The Inn of the Sixth Happiness with my mom and my sister. The movie is based on the true story of a missionary in China who leads 100 Chinese children from one area of China to another during the Japanese-Chinese war. Ever since then, I’ve wanted to adopt.

Fast forward to many years later when I got married. I had three biological children and when they were 1, 3 and 5 I started collecting information from different adoption agencies. I was mainly focused on China or Korea because that was the image God placed on my heart many years ago.

I collected information for a good year before talking to my husband about it. I didn’t want him to squelch my dream. When I finally did talk to my husband about it he said to me, “This isn’t a secret. You talked about adoption even in college, Sherry.” 

As Sherry and her husband began to pursue adoption seriously, a friend from church who did respite care helped Sherry to see the need for foster-adopt families:

She said, “Sherry, there are so many kids needing homes right here where we are.” So that’s what we started to pursue. We went to three different agencies and to our county’s public agency. Finally, we decided on a Christian non-profit agency, feeling as if they’d understand the reasons why we wanted to adopt.

Four months after completing their home study, they saw their future daughter’s photo in a photolisting book. She had been born 10 weeks early, weighed only 2 pounds, 12 ounces at birth and had a high risk of having cerebral palsy due to her premature birth. She was not yet legally free for adoption.

The Kyle family accepted the risk, and a month later, Grace came to live with them. They fostered her with the intention of adopting her when she became legally free. Because of some complications with the termination of the birth parents’ rights, Grace’s adoption was not finalized until almost two years later. Sherry says:

The hardest part was waiting. Once I got my baby I knew she was mine. I bonded really quickly with her. It didn’t matter that she was a foster child. She’s the picture I had in my mind since I was 10.

In the next post, Sherry offers 6 tips for families considering foster-adoption

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Children's Book Review: 'My Special Someone'

Book Review: My Special Someone: A Child’s Perspective of Adoption by Brittany and Sherry Kyle

Part 1 of 3

Have you ever thought about writing a book in honor of the child you hope to adopt? If so, My Special Someone is the perfect example for you to follow. This delightful little picture book was written and illustrated by 6-year-old Brittany Kyle (with help from mom, Sherry), to honor her adopted sister, Grace.

Brittany begins, “Once upon a time, I really wanted a little sister. And here’s how it happened…”

Brittany goes on to explain how her parents met with a social worker and “filled out lots of papers,” and how the family waited a very long time for her sister. Her story conveys her excitement at getting the phone call announcing that they’d soon have a sister. Brittany also explains, through pictures and words, how they came up with a name for her sister (Grace); what Grace looks like; and the trip to court to finalize the adoption.

The book involves children by helping them to decode a “secret message” about adoption as they read.

There are also questions for siblings of an adopted family member to discuss, including:

• Did you ask your parents for a new brother or sister?
• How long did you wait for your brother or sister?
• Did your brother or sister look like what you imagined?
• What are the fun things about having a brother or sister?
• How did you celebrate the adoption of your brother or sister?

Sherry Kyle also includes “10 tips for a smooth transition” – ways you can prepare your other children to welcome the arrival of an adopted sibling. Some of the tips are as follows:

• Talk openly as a family at the diner table about the upcoming adoption.
• Pray with your child every night for his/her new sibling.
• Allow the newly adopted child to go to bed last. This way, the bedtime routine for the other child(ren) will not be interrupted, and you can spend one-on-one time with your new child.
• Read children’s books about adoption to your child(ren). Write your own story!

My Special Someone, full of colorful crayon drawings by Brittany, will appeal to the 6 and under crowd and is appropriate for adopted children and their siblings.

In the next two posts, author Sherry Kyle shares her family’s adoption story and offers tips for families considering foster-adoption.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Nationality, Citizenship, and International Adoption

Here's an intriguing statement:

"Since September 11, 2001, being American has become a question not only of nationality or citizenship, but also of allegiance or patriotism. A new skepticism toward immigrants and a foreign policy that puts American interests ahead of all others have made it still more challenging for international adoptees to simply be American."

-Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects on Raising Internationally Adopted Children by Cheri Register

Readers, how do you respond?