Exploring Adoption

Books for Women Experiencing Unplanned Pregnancy

I’m Pregnant…Now What?: Heartfelt Advice on Getting Through an Unplanned Pregnancy, by Ruth Graham and Sara Dormon (2004, Regal)
While this book has been out for a couple of years, it’s new to me. The authors say they wholeheartedly support adoption, but believe with equal passion that there must be long-term support for birthmothers. This book is about supporting and encouraging the birthmother, regardless of the choice she makes. I can’t wait to read this book…it looks to be an intriguing combination of personal experiences (Ruth’s daughter, Windsor, placed her baby for adoption), and Sara chimes in with her expertise as a clinical phychologist specializing in crisis pregnancies.

Mom, Dad…I’m Pregnant, by Jayne Schooler (2004, NavPress, $13.99)
This book would be an excellent companion to I’m Pregnant…Now What? Jayne’s daughter also experienced an unplanned pregnancy. But unlike the above book, this one is intended for the parents of the young woman who becomes pregnant.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

 

Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption

I found a review of Two Little Girls: A Memoir of Adoption, by Theresa Reid,  on BlogCritics.org. The memoir chronicles a family's journey to adopt from Russia and Ukraine.

Check out the review! If you've read the book, please add your own comments about it below.

Three Newly-Released Adoption Books

In the previous two posts, I shared some of my adventures at the International Christian Retail Show in Denver. The trade show has over 9,000 attendees – book buyers, book sellers, all the Christian publishing houses, authors, musical artists, media, and sellers of the kinds of products you see in your local Christian book stores.

Because the publishers use the ICRS as the venue to tout their new and upcoming releases, it’s a great place to learn about the latest, greatest adoption books. Here are three I discovered while I was there (reviews will follow in upcoming posts, after I’ve had a chance to read them). 

Successful Adoption: A Guide for Christian Families by Natalie Nichols Gillespie (August 2006, Integrity Publishers, $19.99)

The press release describes this book as “a practical and spiritual view of adoption.” Each chapter covers several issues of adoption, such as:

• How much adoption costs and how the IRS will help you pay for it
• What questions to ask to find an agency or attorney you can trust
• Where adoptable children are
• What paperwork has to be done and how you get started—and finished
• How long it really takes before you can bring your child home
• The differences between domestic and international adoption
• How to help orphans at home and abroad, if you are not adopting

The book is filled with true stories of adoptive children and parents, from Steven and Mary Beth Chapman to Stormie Omartian to U.S. Senator Sam Brownback and others.

So You Want to Adopt…Now What? by Ruth Graham and Sara Dormon (August 2006, Regal Books, $12.99)

The press release indicates that this book will guide people interested in adoption through the legal, financial and practical aspects of the adoption process. It also prepares readers for the spiritual, emotional and mental aspects of adoption. Ruth graham shares the viewpoint of the birth mother, based on her experience of walking through her daughter’s decision to place her child for adoption.

Topics include:

• What to expect from a homestudy
• Open versus closed adoptions
• Domestic or international
• Meeting the birth parents
• Agencies or private adoptions

Family Wanted: Stories of Adoption, Edited by Sara Holloway (August 2006, Random, $14.95)
This general-market anthology is comprised of 24 essays and two fictional pieces on adoption. The book is divided into sections about being an adopted child, placing a child for adoption and becoming an adoptive parent.

In the next post, a preview of more books you might enjoy.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Adoption and Infertility Authors at the ICRS

In my previous post, I highlighted some of my favorite moments from my trip to the International Christian Retail Show (ICRS) in Denver. Today, I’ll introduce you to some of the adoption and infertility authors I met.

It was 11:30 p.m. I had just checked into my hotel and was heading for the elevator when I ran into bestselling author (and adoptive mom) Karen Kingsbury, her gorgeous teenage daughter, Kelsey, and Karen’s trusty assistant, Katie Johnson. I interviewed Karen last year for a profile that’s being published in this September in Today’s Christian. Her latest novel is all about adoption; it’s called Like Dandelion Dust.

I had fun interviewing Barbara Curtis, whose new book is called Reaching the Left from the Right: Talking About Social Issues With People Who Don’t Think Like You.
In addition to being a journalist and social activist, Barbara is a mother of 12, several of whom were adopted and several of whom have Down syndrome.

One day, while I was waiting for an interviewee to show up, I overheard the women at the table next to me talking about their adoption book. My ears always perk up at the mention of “adoption,” so I glanced over to see who it was (we wear gigantic name tags at ICRS so it’s easy to tell). Sure enough, it was Ruth Graham (yes, that Ruth Graham—Billy’s daughter, pictured at left) and Sara Dormon, co-authors of I’m Pregnant…Now What? and the soon-to-be-released, So You Want to Adopt…Now What? I’ll be reviewing their books in future posts.

When I sprinted upstairs to get a copy of I’m Pregnant…Now What?, I just happened to meet Mark Stuart, lead singer for Audio Adrenaline. His parents direct an orphanage in Haiti and the guys from Audio Adrenaline are involved with the Hands and Feet Project there. The HAF Project does not facilitate adoptions; they raise the kids to be strong Haitian Christians. I’ll share more about their work next week. Mark and I had only a few seconds to chat, but I did walk away with an autographed copy of their new CD, Adios, Greatest Hits.

Minutes later, back in the media room, I was still waiting for my next appointment when I spotted a man sitting next to me with two red carrier bags that said, “Adoption Today” and “Fostering Families Today.”

“Cool bags. Where did you get them?” I asked the man (I’m always on the lookout for freebies).

He looked at me quizzically.

“I brought them,” he replied.

“Oh, do you work for those magazines?”

“Yes; I’m the editor.”

Well, well, what do you know? Richard Fischer was waiting to interview none other than Ruth Graham and Sara Dormon, so we had a good chat while we waited. I’ve been reading both magazines for the past few months and am quite impressed by them, particularly by Fostering Families Today.

While Richard and I were gabbing away, the person I was meeting next had wandered in and was sitting down near us (she had her back to me so I didn’t recognize her, but that's her on the left in the photo). She figured out who we were and introduced herself. It was Sandra Glahn, co-author (with William Cutrer) of the infertility classic, When Empty Arms Become a Heavy Burden: Encouragement for Couples Facing Infertility, and The Infertility Companion: Hope and Help for Couples Facing Infertility.

Sandra and I connected instantly, and after chatting for 45 minutes, decided that we are kindred spirits.

Stay tuned for more news about hot-off-the-press adoption books in my next post.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

International Christian Retail Show Recap

I’ve just returned from two glorious Internet-free weeks, during which I took a much-needed break from blogging. My family spent last week camping at Pacific Beach, Washington, where the sun shined warmly all day (a minor miracle for the Washington coast). We flew kites with our kids, played in the sand, and walked for miles along the coastline, collecting sand dollars. My son and I even spotted two pelicans who were trying to blend in with the seagulls sitting on the beach.

The week before our beach trip I was in Denver, working as a journalist at the International Christian Retail Show. I had the opportunity to interview about 20 authors, several of whom I’ll be featuring in upcoming posts.

While at the ICRS, I worked on behalf of three clients: the wonderful folks from WinePress Publishing Group (the leading Christian custom publishing house); Moms At Work (a California-based non-profit organization that encourages mothers at their place of work); and Today’s Christian (a neat magazine that reminds me of a Christian version of Reader’s Digest).

In between interviewing authors and running to the trade show floor to nab free autographed books, I kept my eyes peeled for adoption authors and adoption books. I found several (more about them in the next post).

Here are some of the highlights of my week at ICRS:

*WARNING: If you like learning about new books, bookseller’s trade shows and Christian authors, keep reading; if you want to read more about the latest adoption books and their authors, skip to the next post.

After a morning of interviewing authors, I ran upstairs to the convention floor in hopes of spotting NFL MVP Shaun Alexander (running back for the Seattle Seahawks). I had missed him by about five minutes; he had been escorted to some secret room to have a press conference with about 50 journalists.

But a few minutes later, I did have a chance to chat with Cec Murphey, the author of Shaun’s soon-to-be-released book, Touchdown Alexander: My Story of Faith, Football, and Pursuing the Dream. Cec is a delightful man whom I met this spring at a writers’ conference. He’s ghost-written tons of books for notables such as Shaun Alexander. I was also able to obtain two mini-footballs from the Harvest House booth (publisher of Shaun’s book and my upcoming adoption book) to bring home for my boys.

I met with my editors from Harvest House, who explained the process my manuscript will undergo from the time I turn it in to the time the book is released next summer. They graciously answered a zillion questions and invited me to stay for lunch. I am not one to turn down a free catered lunch, so I stayed.

During lunch, I met Suzie Eller and her hubby. Suzie owns a cool e-mail loop for professional Christian writers, called The Writers’ View. Her latest book for moms is just out; it’s called The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future.

Later that evening, when 50 or 60 of us Viewheads went out to dinner together, I connected with my roommate from last year’s ICRS, Tina Forkner. Tina has recently signed a two-book deal to write women’s fiction (in the photo at right, Tina's on the left and I'm on the right).

On my last evening at ICRS, I rescued my new buddy, Chip MacGregor, from his FaithWords booth (FaithWords was previously known as Warner Faith, which used to be an imprint of Time-Warner, which is now known as Hachette Book Group. I know; it’s very confusing). Anyway, Chip’s still the publisher and he was worn out from being in meetings all day, so we walked around the convention floor searching for the most creative and unusual Jesus Junk we could find. We discovered a “Love Me Jesus” cloth doll and something called Heavenly Golf Balls or some equally absurd-sounding name.

Below, Carla Williams from WinePress, Chip MacGregor, and me.

In the next post, I’ll tell you about some of the adoption and infertility authors I talked with at ICRS.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Failed Adoption Story: Interview With Author Melanie Dobson

Together for Good is a newly-released novel that centers around the theme of failed adoption. Set in Denver and on Orcas Island, Washington, the story features Abby Wagner, a publicist who is assigned the most challenging project of her career: promoting Heartsong Adoptions, the agency from which she adopted her son, Hunter, 20 years earlier. As Abby begins working on the PR project, she relives the grief she experienced when she was forced to return Hunter, at the age of 4 months, to his birth mother.

I talked with author and adoptive mom, Melanie Dobson, to learn more about the "story behind the story."

Laura Christianson: Share a little about your family’s adoption story.
Melanie Dobson: Before we were married, Jon and I decided that we wanted to adopt, but we planned to have our "own" children first. After trying to get pregnant for several years, we turned to a doctor for help. We took all the tests, but instead of moving ahead with fertility treatments, we opted to pursue adoption instead. Nine months after we started the process, our adoption agency called to say a birthmother wanted to meet us. Laura hadn’t made a final decision about adoption, but at any moment, she was due to give birth to a boy.

A week later, we gave Laura lots of hugs at the hospital and then took home (surprise!) a beautiful baby girl. We celebrated for a week. People came with gifts, our parents flew in from out of town, and we snuggled with our daughter as we scrambled to buy a crib and clothes and diapers. As the weeks passed, we cheered as Karly smiled and rolled over and learned how to crawl.

Before Karly's adoption was final, we received a phone call from a girl I used to babysit. At twenty-two, she was pregnant and wondered if we were interested in adopting another baby. You bet!

Eleven months after Karly was born, we rushed to Charleston, S.C. to hold our second daughter a few hours after she was born. Kinzel had health complications, and we had red tape complications with the local government. But Lyn relinquished her rights at the hospital, and when the judge finally gave us the okay, we drove home with Kinzel (quickly nicknamed "Kiki" by her older sister).

The first two years were overwhelming, but God has given us the strength to keep up with these two busy toddlers (Karly turned three in June a few weeks after Kiki turned two). Even on the toughest parenting days, Jon and I are grateful for the precious gifts of our girls.

What’s the premise behind the theme of your book, Together for Good?
Together for Good is about a woman who lost a baby through a failed adoption. Twenty years later, she returns to her family's cottage on Orcas Island, Washington, as she begins the search to find out what happened to her son.

The premise of this story is very personal for our family. At the same time we were adopting Karly, our best friends were also adopting. But a week after they received their infant boy, his birthmother showed up at their front door and wanted him back.

We'd been parenting Karly for four months at this time, and her birthmother had yet to relinquish her rights. We were hurting with our friends and terrified that we may lose Karly as well. As I struggled through the questions of why did God give this baby to David and Renee and then take him back as well as what would happen to this boy, I began scribbling down the concept for this novel—a story about how God could use a heartbreaking situation like this for His good.

Our birthmother relinquished her rights a few weeks later and three months after our adoption was final, David and Renee welcomed home another beautiful baby boy. Aidan is two now and the perfect fit for their family. I don't know why the first child was taken from David and Renee, but I still pray that God will wrap His arms around this toddler where ever he is and show him how much he is loved.

How did you decide on the setting of Orcas Island? Have you lived there yourself?
One of the things I love most about writing is that I can learn new things and explore fun places like Orcas Island. I've never lived in the San Juans, but my husband surprised me a few years ago with a birthday weekend on Orcas Island. He rented a cottage on a quiet cove, and for three days, we ran our toes through the cold saltwater, laughed with the seals playing on the rocks, and watched the boats sailing in the wind.

As I started writing Together for Good, I wanted a setting where my main characters would find peace. In my mind, this restful island embodies peace, and the scenes with sailing, kayaking, and snorkeling symbolize the freedom and serenity found through Christ and His beautiful creation.

Your heroine, Abby Wagner, is a publicist. How did you use your own background in PR as you created her character?
There’s a lot of me in Abby's character. I've worked in PR for thirteen years so it was a natural fit to have this as her profession and passion. Instead of confronting her wounds, Abby distracts herself by keeping busy with her latest PR campaign. When this busyness is taken away from her, she's forced to face her past and slowly allow God to heal her and the strained relationship she has with her daughter.

 It troubled me that Abby seemed so obsessed about her failed adoption 20 years after the fact. Is it typical that an adoptive parent would hold onto her hurt that long?
Before we picked up Karly from the hospital, I worried about bonding with this baby that I didn't know. Yet the second I looked into Karly’s eyes, I fell in love with her. Even though we didn't finalize our adoption for another six months, Karly was my daughter. I couldn't imagine losing her.

In Together for Good, Abby truly feels like Hunter is her son even though the adoption isn't final. She's loved him for four months, played with him, cared for him. But she doesn't realize that his birthmother is having second thoughts. When the agency takes him away, she’s shocked. Instead of facing the rage and pain and guilt over letting Hunter go, she tries to bury it and move on with her life. But twenty years after losing him, she still suffers anxiety. No matter what the courts said, Hunter was her son, and she believes she should have done more to protect him.

Henri Nouwen wrote: "The only feelings that do not heal are the ones you hide." I don't think there is any typical way to react to a failed adoption, but when someone tries to bury their pain after a traumatic situation, anxiety can flare up for decades. The more that Abby struggles to control her emotions and guilt and anger at God, the more the anxiety intensifies until she’s forced to confront her pain.

At the end of your book, you note that you’ve experienced panic attacks and adrenal stress. Is this similar to what Abby experiences as she grieves over the loss of her son for years?
People get panic attacks for a number of reasons, but some of the common elements include stifling emotion, loss of control, and guilt. Abby experienced all these things, and I’ve experienced them as well. Fortunately, there is hope for people who have panic attacks! Some people need medication. Some need counseling. Other people need rest and/or a diet change. Abby needed to release her pain and fear even though it meant giving up control. For several good resources about anxiety and adrenal stress, please visit my website (www.melaniedobson.com).

Do you feel it was fair for Abby to keep the secret of the failed adoption from her biological daughter, Jessica, for so long?
When Jessica was a child, Abby refused to tell her daughter about Hunter because she didn’t want Jessica to be afraid they might lose her too. Because Abby hid the love she had for Hunter as well as the pain from losing him, Jessica was competing with a “perfect” brother that she never knew she had. Abby and Jessica wrestle with their strained relationship throughout this book until Abby is forced to be honest with her daughter. As her own pain heals, Abby slowly releases control over Jessica’s life.

How can people who have experienced failed adoptions go on to live happy, healthy lives?
I would beg people who’ve experienced a failed adoption to not give up! There are so many children who need loving homes. I met a man once who had experienced six failed adoptions. I can't imagine what that would do to my faith and my heart after the first failure! But he and his wife persisted, and when an acquaintance casually mentioned that they knew a birthmother who was looking for a family to adopt her child, this couple welcomed home a little girl. They still grieve over the loss of the other failed adoptions yet they now know why they had to wait.

Fortunately, many states today don’t have a long relinquishment period—when we adopted Kinzel, our birthmother relinquished before she was released from the hospital. The work to complete an adoption can seem overwhelming with the mounds of paperwork, home studies, classes, and interviews. But once an adoption is finalized in the courts, it is truly final. The child that you already love is officially yours.

To learn more about author Melanie Dobson, please visit her Web site, www.melaniedobson.com. You can order a copy of Melanie's book, by clicking the link in the left sidebar of my blog.

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For more news and information about adoption, visit www.laurachristianson.com, and check out my Amazon Exploring Adoption bookstore.
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Podcasts: Facing Adoption Fears; Starting Adoption Ministry

I recently appeared on the radio show, Let's Talk Adoption, with host Mardie Caldwell. You can listen to podcasts of both shows by clicking the links below:

Overcoming Your Fears About Adoption

Starting an Adoption Ministry in Your Church or Community

I'm offering free tip sheets to accompany the information I shared on the shows:

• 5 Ways to Encourage Friends Who Are Waiting to Adopt
• 8 Tips for Starting an Adoption Ministry in Your Church

If you'd like me to e-mail you a PDF of either or both tip sheets, please e-mail me. In the Subject line, put Tips/Waiting or Tips/Ministry or Tips/Both so I'll know which one to send you.

The Let's Talk Adoption Website archives all of their shows, and you can listen to many of them for free. There are lots of great shows to listen to, and they cover a huge range of adoption issues from the perspective of birth parents, adopted people, adoptive parents and adoption professionals.

For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Canadian Exchange Programs for Orphans?

One of my readers inquired whether anyone knows of Canadian programs that offer cultural exchanges for overseas orphans, similar to what I wrote about in my post, "Cultural Programs for Adopting Russian Orphans."

If anyone knows of similar programs in Canada, please post information about them in the Comments area, below or e-mail me. Thanks!

Adoption Book Review: 'Growing Girls'

When my sons were in kindergarten, they completed a “homework” assignment every week; usually some craft that involved paper plates, glitter glue and sequins. On Fridays, when I volunteered in the classroom, I had the opportunity to view everyone’s “homework.”

It was a sight to behold. Elaborately decorated creations—works of art that I, in my wildest dreams, would never be able to achieve, no less my young sons. I strongly suspected that more than a few of the kindergarteners were receiving assistance from the mommy craft fairies.

So when I read about the pathetic little shoe box that Jeanne Marie Laskas decorated for her daughter’s Valentine’s party, I knew I would like this woman, should we ever have a chance to meet. In her memoir, Growing Girls: The Mother of All Adventures, Laskas writes:

“I strode into school like Cocky Mother with my shoe box wrapped in red paper with kitty stickers on it. Then I got to her room only to discover that all the other mothers had also remembered, but their boxes were bigger than mine. And more elaborate. One girl had a castle with a drawbridge and gumdrops on top. One boy had a volcano with candy worms on it. These were…valentine’s boxes?...I stood there with my little shoe box. So pathetic. So sad. Poor Sasha, having an underachieving mom like me…So, I got an F for Valentine’s Day. Or maybe a D-. The really sad part is I walked in that day feeling like an A.”

While I grinned, chuckled and cried my way through this delightful book about the foibles of being a mom, the parts that touched me most deeply were Laskas’s reflections about adoption. She and her husband adopted their two daughters from China, and Laskas intersperses nearly every chapter with stories about adoption.

She talks about bonding, about incorporating a portion of her girls’ Chinese names into their American names, about her daughter’s language disorder, and about how the entire family flunked out of Chinese language school. I love the words Laskas uses to summarize her goal for motherhood:

“If I have one overarching responsibility…I suppose it is in applauding them as they grow, unhindered, into the people they are aching to be.”

Laskas’s glimpses into life at Sweetwater Farm in Scenery Hill, Pennsylvania are a wonderful pick-me-up for any woman. Whether you’re the mother of boys (as I am), the mother of girls, or a mother-to-be, you’ll thoroughly enjoy Growing Girls.

I'm Off to the International Christian Retail Show!

Today, I'm heading to Denver to the International Christian Retail Show (ICRS), where I'll spend the week interviewing 22 authors on behalf of a couple of my clients. Whew! It's going to be both exhilarating and exhausting.

I know that at least one of the authors I'll be talking with (Barbara Curtis) is an adoptive mom. Barbara has 12 children, several of whom were adopted. At least three of her children have Down syndrome, so I hope to glean some insights from Barbara about adopting children with Down syndrome.

Last year was my first trip to ICRS (formerly known as CBA - Christian Booksellers Association convention), and let me tell you, this event is like writers' nirvana!

Every bookstore owner from Podunk, USA (and the rest of the world) is there, displaying their Jesus Junk (forgive me if you like that stuff, but I can't stomach most of it). Every Christian publishing house is there in force, pushing their new releases, hosting author and recording artist signings, and best of all, giving away tons and tons of FREE books and CDs (yes, I am bringing an extra suitcase in which to cart home my goodies).

And there are lots and lots of media, of course (of which I am one small player), interviewing recording artists and authors right and left for their respective magazines, newspapers, radio stations and TV stations.

A highlight of ICRS, for me, is the two evening worship "experiences," in which big name recording artists and inspirational speakers showcase their best stuff and lead worship. Who can complain when Michael W. Smith, my all-time favorite musician, leads worship for two hours, playing hymns he composed?

By the way, did I mention that I got to shake Michael W. Smith's hand last year? I still haven't washed that hand!    My friend, Tina, is friends or cousins or something with Smitty's manager, and when they walked in the door, Tina said, "Oh, would you like to meet Michael W. Smith?"

Would I like to meet Michael W. Smith? Is the Pope Catholic? I went sprinting into the hallway like I'd just won the Olympic gold medal and sidled up to Michael, shook his hand, said something totally teenage-girlish cheesy, like, "You're my favorite musician EVER." He smiled graciously, said hello, then headed off to rehearse for his concert.

He'll be there again this week, so I'm hoping I get the opportunity to renew our acquaintance.

In addition to the interviewing and celebrity spotting I'll be doing, I'll have the opportunity to meet with my editors from Harvest House Publishers. I assume they'll introduce me to some of the other Harvest House staff and authors. I feel privileged and honored to be publishing my first book with such a stellar publishing house.

I don't know whether I'll have Internet access (or time) to post updates throughout the week, so you might not hear from me for a while. But I promise to post a recap of my experiences when I return.  Up, up, and away!