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Adoptive Families magazine's 2006 Adoption Guide is now online. If you need help learning the basics about domestic newborn adoption, foster care adoption, or intercountry adoption, the Guide is a good place to start.
You can also purchase a hard copy of the Guide for $14.95 from their online order form.
Kathe Wunnenberg knows what it’s like to yearn for a child to continue the family legacy. She knows what it’s like to suffer in silence through years of infertility, infant loss, failed adoption, and miscarriage. She describes her devotional book, Longing for a Child, as a “companion of hope” for those who experience fertility challenges.
Similar to her first two books, Grieving the Loss of a Loved One and Grieving the Child I Never Knew, this book is divided into twelve sections with five devotions in each.
The sections are as follows:
A thirteenth section contains 19 special meditations for special days, such as:
These meditations are organized a bit differently than the rest of the devotions; they begin with a Scripture verse or verses and then ask you to personalize the verse by replacing “you” with “me”; to proclaim the verse by reading it aloud several times; to ponder the verse by reflecting on particular words, phrases and images that encourage you; and to pray the verse, offering it back to God as a personalized prayer.
At the end of each meditation, the author cross references devotions from other parts of the book that tie in thematically with the reflection.
The first twelve sections of devotions are organized as follows:
Each devotion begins with a Scripture verse, followed by a short thematic story, a prayer, three-to-five reflection questions, and space for you to journal your thoughts.
Here’s a brief excerpt from the beginning of Devotion 23, “Hope and Joy”:
“You’re pregnant!” my doctor announced with a smile.
My response? Silence. Though this should have been a celebratory moment for me, it wasn’t. I was scared. Will I lose this child too? I wondered? I couldn’t bear the thought of losing a fifth child…Hope could not be trusted. It had betrayed me in the past…
Longing for a Child deserves a place on the bookshelf of anyone who is experiencing infertility, miscarriage, or infant loss. It would also be an appropriate book to gift to someone who’s facing fertility challenges.
Longing for a Child, by Kathe Wunnenberg ©2005, Zondervan $14.99
For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.
A report released June 21 noted that more than 3 million babies have been born following fertility treatment since the birth of the first in-vitro fertilization child nearly three decades ago.
One of my favorite sources of adoption information and adoption statistics has undergone an extreme makeover.
The National Adoption Information Clearinghouse (NAIC) and the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information have merged and are now known as the Child Welfare Information Gateway.
The newly-redesigned Web site still contains the same useful information as before, only now there’s even more fantastic info at your fingertips. Since the site is a government service, coming to you courtesy of the Children's Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (try saying that three times, fast), you’ll have to wade through a bit of governmentese. But it’s not bad.
There’s information on the following:
The adoption section includes the following information:
Overview
Types of adoption
For prospective adoptive parents
Foster care adoption
Recruiting, preparing & retaining foster/adoptive parents
Preparing & supporting children & youth
Supporting birth parents
Postadoption services
Search & reunion
The Resources section of the site includes the following:
For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.
A grandma-to-be e-mailed me this week, saying that her daughter will be placing her baby for adoption in an open adoption. Grandma asks:
When we go to the hospital, I would like to give the adoptive mom a present for the baby from my husband and I. Do you have any suggestions?
She also says that she’d like to write her grandson a letter, and wonders whether that would be necessary, since it will be an open adoption.
I suggested some items grandma could give her grandson, based on the gifts our sons received from their biological grandparents (readers, I’d love to hear your suggestions for appropriate gifts):
I encouraged Grandma to write her grandson a letter. When we adopted our sons, I created special binders for them in which I place all the letters and cards they receive from everyone in their birth families. It’s a special treat to review the letters every so often; they bring back the feelings those loved ones had at that moment in time.
I recommend that grandparents of children placed in an open adoption approach the adoptive parents to ask how they feel about the grandparents being involved in the child’s life. Grandparents often feel left out of the loop when their children make an adoption plan, and they feel sad and helpless when their grandchild (which is often the first grandchild) enters another family. But grandparents are grandparents. Given the opportunity, they may just turn out to be terrific!
And after all, you can never have too many people to love your child.
For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.
In Patricia Irwin Johnston’s book, Adopting After Infertility, the author discusses the mixed reactions people have when we inform them we’ve decided to adopt a child. She lists 14 common adoption myths:
Adoption is second best. Birth parents don’t live up to their real responsibilities, children don’t live in real families, and adoptive parents aren’t real parents.
Birth parents are irresponsible. Even though it’s completely acceptable for people to become pregnant out of wedlock, society says that those who do so and place their child for adoption are irresponsible.
The flesh and blood bond is sacred. No civilized person would give up their own flesh and blood.
Family should come through. If you’re too young to parent a child you birth, your family should accept the responsibility.
Birth parents forget about their child. Not only do they forget, but they’re supposed to forget, according to the stereotype.
Real parents give birth. Fake parents adopt.
You can’t really love a child unless you birth him or her. The love an adoptive parent has for a child is less than natural, less than complete.
The only logical reason to adopt is because you’re infertile.
Adopting is the easy way to have a child.
Real children were not adopted.
Adopted people are so lucky that saintly people adopted them.
Adopted people wouldn’t search for their birth parents if they were grateful to their adoptive parents.
When adopted people from open adoption locate their birth parents, their adoptive parents become secondary.
Adopted people are less emotionally healthy than other people.
Johnston points out the mixed messages these myths send, saying that the stereotypes boil down to one public image of adoption:
either we Did It when we shouldn’t (and must suffer the consequences( or we Tried It and we couldn’t (and must suffer the consequences). And at the center lies the innocent adoptee: poor baby, he’ll never know real mother love, but isn’t he lucky?
For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.
Part 2 of 2
In the previous post, I overviewed the emotional state of infertile couples, as described in Patricia Irwin Johnston’s book, Adopting After Infertility.
Today, we’ll look at six ways others can support an infertile couple. Here’s a recap of Johnston’s tips:
Information. When a well-meaning friend makes a blooper, diplomatically point it out. Every time you educate someone, “you increase the likelihood that this person’s sensitivity level will be raised to the point of her being unlikely to repeat such errors.”
Sensitivity. Be open to the pain of those close to you who mourn for you. Your parents, in particular, may feel guilty that they’ve done something to contribute to your infertility. They also mourn the loss of your genetic children.
Patience. You and your spouse have already spent a lot of time thinking through your infertility and making decisions. Your friends and family haven’t. They need time to adjust.
Openness. Don’t collect every hurtful thing about infertility everyone says to you and then let loose on everyone at the next family gathering. “Use private moments to sensitize your loved ones.
Clarity. As you inform, keep your discussions simple, brief, and factual.
Responsiveness. Once you have educated those close to you about infertility, you should be able to assume that that friend will no longer give thoughtless advice. Sometimes, says Johnston, friends see the situation even more clearly than you do. If they’re educated and thoughtful, listen to them.
Johnston concludes by saying that it’s perfectly fine to avoid baby showers and other celebrations that cause you emotional pain. How do you gracefully bow out?
Create a conflict in your schedule. You don’t have to explain what the conflict is, just extend your regrets. Holidays are tougher, admits Johnston. She advises, “Consider allowing yourself the privilege of leaving town altogether for the holidays”…tell your family that you’ve arranged a special getaway time for yourselves.
Enlist the help of a sensitive friend. Ask this person to have a quiet heart-to-heart with the offended or offensive host or guest of honor.
Her final word of caution: No matter what you do to educate them, some people will remain forever insensitive. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Avoid contact with them as much as possible.
For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.
Part 1 of 2
I’m re-reading Patricia Irwin Johnston’s book, Adopting After Infertility. Early on in the book, she discusses how to deal with family and friends in regards to your fertility impairment.
Johnston points out that infertile people tend to be moody—every month, there’s that cycle of hope followed by despair. Events that other people celebrate, such as baby showers, Mother’s Day and kiddie birthday parties, make infertile people squirm and run for cover.
Infertile couples tend to be inwardly focused, she writes. There’s that fun daily basal body temperature chart, umpteen doctor’s appointments, a rigid schedule for intercourse, days and times to take medication…and the list goes on and on.
Frankly, most people don’t know how to act around infertile people. So, it’s up to the infertile couple (or adopting couple, if it comes to that) to educate and sensitize people. “Unless you educate them, you can’t expect them to understand your frustrations,” Johnston writes.
So, how do you do that? Johnston nudges readers to think back to when you first learned about your infertility. You probably didn’t know much about it. “You probably tended to deny it for a while because the idea was frightening.” You were probably embarrassed by it. Your friends and family are at that point now.
They don’t know what to think or what to say; they don’t know what causes infertility or how exactly to “cure” it. So they blurt out the first thing that comes to mind: “Relax and you’ll get pregnant. Adopt and you’ll get pregnant. Go on vacation. Drink a glass of wine. Avoid hot tubs. Wear boxer shorts instead of briefs.”
Johnston reminds us that we were probably guilty of insensitivity, too, before we knew “that infertility has emotional consequences rather than emotional causes, before you knew that it wasn’t primarily a female condition, before you realized that one in five couples experiences it.”
In the next post: Six tips for educating others about your infertility
For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.
The proud parents of three young children are considering adopting their fourth child, according to CNN.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have two adopted children: Zahara (15 months, from Ethiopia) and Maddox (4, from Cambodia). Their daughter Shiloh was born May 27.
Jolie gives a third of her income to refugees and other causes and is a goodwill ambassador for the U.N. High Commissioner for Refugees. Today, June 20, is World Refugee Day.
Source: Yahoo News
Related Posts on this blog:
Madonna Discusses Adoption on ‘Oprah’ 10-25-06
Brad Pitt Hopes to Adopt Angelina Jolie’s Children 12-14-05
Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Lopez, Consider Adoption 4-1-06Renee Zellweger Wants to Adopt 10-14-05
Celebrities Adopting 6-10-05
For more news and info about adoption please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.
Fellow adoption journalist, Dan Gearino, sent me a link to a fascinating story he wrote for the Quad-City Times in Iowa.
The story is about 30-year-old Michelle Wetzell, adopted as an infant in a closed adoption. Last year, a blood test Wetzell took in order to purchase a life insurance policy showed an unusually high cholesterol level. So Wetzell decided to try to track down her birth mother to learn more about her medical history.
Turns out that Wetzell and her birth mother had worked at the same hair and nail salon 10 years ago, were friends, and didn’t make the connection until recently that they are mother and daughter.
Dan’s story details the reasons Cathy Henzen placed her daughter for adoption, explains how Wetzell found her birth mother and reflects about their present-day friendship, as they get to know each other on an entirely different level.
You’ll want to check out the reader comments about the story (which are printed directly below the story online). Reader comments, which were submitted mostly by adopted people, birth parents and adoptive parents, were overwhelmingly positive; many people even shared bits and pieces of their own adoption stories.
One commenter wrote:
"Sounds like the makings of a lovely movie of the week...must admit brought tears to my eyes! Hope all the best for mother and daughter and the future..."
In his e-mail to me, Dan noted that the story was picked up by the Drudge Report and that the mother and daughter may be appearing on the Today Show.
For more news and information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.
