Exploring Adoption

A Week of Highs and Lows

This week, there have been no in-betweens. Everything in my life has veered from one extreme or the other. A few examples:

Clutching the Codeine

My son and I have been passing colds, flu and bronchitis back and forth for the past two months. This was my week to “enjoy” bronchitis. Ever tried to blog while you’re loopy on cough syrup with codeine? I briefly thought about attempting it, but I dozed off before I could summon the energy to turn on my computer. Instead, I read a Christian murder mystery. The term “Christian murder mystery” is an oxymoron, but nonetheless, I enjoyed Brandilyn Collins’ Dead of Night. What I can remember of it, anyway.

The Shunt

My youngest niece just got out of the hospital after having an operation to have a new shunt “installed” in her brain (she has hydrocephalus, a condition marked by an inability for her cerebral-spinal to drain properly, commonly known as “water on the brain”). She’s doing fine and may even go back to school next week.

The Graduate

My oldest niece, who’s a senior in college, was just selected to be her university’s graduation speaker. Quite an honor. She’ll be sharing the podium with the university president and some big-wig alumnus.

The Cancer Scare

I spent several hours at the breast specialist this week after my doctor noticed some unfamiliar lumps during my routine physical. After numerous mammograms, ultrasounds and putting on and off of those delightful hospital gowns, I was declared cancer-free. My mom had breast cancer and I, therefore, am in the high-risk category. It was a bit of a worrisome week, and I’m thankful nothing came of it.

Ladies, be sure to get your yearly mammograms (they don’t hurt and they only take five minutes) and do your monthly self-exams. Men, encourage the woman in your life to get a mammogram if she’s over 40 or has a high-risk of getting breast cancer.

The Humiliation

My son experienced his most embarrassing moment a couple of days ago. In seventh grade science, they’re studying the human reproductive system and his teacher chose him to read the section on the male reproductive system OUT LOUD to the entire class. Oh, the shame! Oh, the humiliation! He told me he was glad he was sitting in the front row so people couldn’t see how red his face was.

The Best Mom in the World

After relating this “most embarrassing moment” to me, he asked to spend the afternoon at his friend’s house. When I said yes, he replied, “You’re the best mom in the whole world…other than Jen” (his birth mom).

The Offer

Yesterday afternoon I got the phone call I’ve been awaiting for three long years. It was the editor from a Christian publishing house, offering me a contract for my first book, What’s So Great About Adoption?: A Self-Guided Tour for the Uninitiated. I’m going to write a book about adoption! I still can’t believe that my dream and prayer of nine years is actually coming true.

Arizona Adoption Bill Gives Priority to Married Couples

Things are heating up in Arizona, where the state House approved Bill 2696, which, if passed into law, will require state and private adoption agencies to give married couples priority over singles in adopting children.

According to articles in The Arizona Daily Star by Howard Fischer and Jane Erikson, the bill states that Arizona’s Child Protective Services and the adoption agencies it contracts with can consider placing a child with a single adult “only if a qualified married couple has not submitted an application.”

There are several exceptions: if the single adult has a strong relationship with the child (for example, the single might be a grandparent) or if its deemed that a single adoptive parent would be in “the child’s best interests.”

Children thrive in two-parent homes
In Arizona, where 2,200 foster children are eligible for adoption, the fur is flying. Advocates of the bill claim that statistics show children thrive more in two-parent homes. One senator said that the likelihood of domestic violence increases in single-parent homes, where live-in boyfriends abuse the children.

Children would spend longer in foster care
Opponents of the bill say that a change in the law would result in more children spending a longer time in foster care. Even the gay-rights contingent has gotten in on the act, claiming that the bill discriminates against same sex-couples.

Ah, to live in an ideal world
In an ideal world, I suspect that two-parent families would be most people’s family structure of choice. However, we live in a less than ideal world, as demonstrated by the 2,200 foster children in Arizona awaiting adoption. I wonder why lawmakers don’t seem more concerned with placing each and every one of these kids in adoptive homes, regardless of whether the parents are married or single. Are there truly 2,000+ married couples waiting to adopt through the foster system and its affiliates? I’d like to see some statistics on that.

Real-life single moms
During the past few years, I’ve had the opportunity to get to know about a dozen Christian single adoptive moms. Before I met them, I stood firmly in the “couples should be given priority” camp. Now, I’m not so sure.

The single adoptive moms I know are some of the most committed moms I’ve ever met. They’re strong, capable women; they’re loving mothers who sacrifice more for their kids than I, in my cozy little two-parent family, ever dreamed of. I admire them and I’m even a little in awe of them. Mostly I’m proud that they’re willing to provide a loving permanent home for a child who otherwise wouldn’t have one. They’re moms first; single second.

Sources:
Arizona Daily Star
http://www.azstarnet.com/dailystar/news/120993.php
http://www.azstarnet.com/metro/121393

When Birth Parents Interview Prospective Adoptive Parents

During the past few days at my adoption.com blog, I've been sharing my thoughts about questions birth parents ask of the prospective adoptive parents they're interviewing:

Part 1 of the series  (March 23) looks at these questions:

• How do you define open adoption?
• What is your commitment to openness, and why?

Part 2 (March 24) looks at these questions:

• Are you willing to sign an open adoption agreement, and to seek mediation if things break down?
• In an open adoption, what will we call the various grandparents?

Part 3 (March 25) looks at these questions:

• What will I be called?
• What about the spouses of the birth parents? What should we call them?

Part 4 (March 26) looks at these questions:

• What do you plan to name the baby?
• Do you plan to keep any part of the name I give my child?

For a great list of questions that first parents can ask prospective adoptive parents, visit the Crisis Pregnancy Blog.

Question About Romanian Adoptions

Does anyone know the status of adoptions within Romania? I heard from someone who says she's pregnant, lives in Romania and is looking for a family to adopt her child and to share an open adoption.  Don't know whether it's a hoax -- but if anyone has any suggestions for agencies (either inside or outside of Romania) that handle Romanian adoptions or can send me info that will assist this woman, please e-mail me. Thanks!

Free Sites for Adoption Networking

I heard from a prospective adoptive dad who has developed a personal Web site so he and his wife can better network and hopefully, get hooked up with a woman seeking to place her baby through open adoption.

His question: Are there any sites that will offer free links to their adoption site?

If you have a suggestion, please add it in the Comments field so that we can all benefit. Thanks!

Christian Books With Adoption Themes

Last week at my adoption.com blog, I posted several reviews and overviews of Christian adult fiction and children's picture books that have an adoption theme.

Adult Inspirational Fiction

• 

• Even Now by Karen Kingsbury
• Oceans Apart by Karen Kingsbury
• A Treasury of Adoption Miracles by Karen Kingsbury (non-fiction collection)
• Three-part interview with best-selling author, Karen Kingsbury
• The Christmas Hope by Donna VanLiere
• Guarded by Kirsten Lasinski
• Q & A with author Kirsten Lasinski

Children's Picture Books

• A Blessing from Above by Patti Henderson, Illustrated by Elizabeth Edge
• A is for Adopted by Eileen Tucker Cosby, Illustrated by Norma S. Strange
• Amy Angel Goes Home: A Heavenly Tale of Adoption by Kathleen Lathrop, Illustrated by Erik Bakke

Have you read a Christian-themed book about adoption? If so, please alert me to the title(s) or submit your own review.  

If you’re an author who’s written or will soon be publishing a Christian book about adoption and you’d like me to review your book on my blog, please contact me.

Boston Catholic Charities Revolts Against State Law Allowing Same-Sex Adoption

The Boston Archdiocese’s Catholic Charities will no longer provide adoption services because of a state law that allows homosexuals to adopt children, according to an Associated Press article.

Saying they’ve encountered a dilemma they cannot resolve, the state’s four Catholic bishops explained that the law threatens the church’s religious freedom by forcing it to do something it considers immoral.

Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney stated, “It’s a mistake for our laws to put the rights of adults over the needs of children.” He plans to file a bill that would allow religious organizations to seek an exemption from the state’s anti-discrimination laws to provide adoption services.

“Eight members of Catholic Charities board stepped down in protest of the bishops' stance. The 42-member board had voted unanimously in December to continue considering gay households for adoptions,” writes Steve LeBlanc.

During the past 20 years, Catholic Charities has placed 720 children in adoptive homes, including 13 who were placed with same-sex couples.

For more information and articles about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com or my adoption.com blog, http://christian.adoptionblogs.com/.

Focus on the Family to Feature Adoptive Parents

On Monday, March 20 and Tuesday, March 21, Focus on the Family’s radio program will feature adoptive parents Billy Jack and Anne Barrett. The Barretts have six children, four of whom were adopted from abusive backgrounds. Their Colorado farm was featured on ABC’s Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.

You can read more about the Barrett family at the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition Web site.

You can also read an article about the Barrett family’s visit to Focus on the Family.

To learn how to listen to next week’s broadcast, visit Focus on the Family.

For more articles about adoption, visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com, or my new Christian Adoption Blog.

States that Ban Gay Adoption

• States that prohibit gays from adopting: Florida

• States that don’t prohibit gays from adopting, but don’t practice it: Mississippi, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Utah, North Dakota

• States considering constitutional amendments or laws banning gay adoption: Alabama, Georgia, Kentucky, Tennessee, Ohio, Missouri

• States that prohibit gays from serving as foster parents: Arkansas, Nebraska, Utah

Source: The Washington Post, “Why Courts Are Adopting Gay Parenting,” by Dahlia Lithwick, March 12, 2006

For more information and articles about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com or my adoption.com blog, http://christian.adoptionblogs.com/.

The Pros and Cons of Independent Adoption

Continued from the previous post, “An Independent Adoption Primer”

Pros of independent adoption

Freedom. Adoptive parents and pregnant women have more freedom to determine what the adoption will “look like,” and they have the option of receiving professional guidance from their adoption attorney and/or facilitator when needed.

Time. The time period in which adoptive and birth parents locate one another may be shorter than with an agency adoption. Adopting parents can be listed by multiple adoption attorneys at the same time, increasing their chances of adopting in a timely manner.

Criteria. Prospective adoptive parents who don’t meet the criteria for agency adoption (often because of their age, but marital status and religion are other common factors) still have the opportunity to adopt.

Control. Adoptive parents and pregnant women/couples have more control over the adoption, as they contact one another directly or through an adoption attorney.

Expense. Independent adoption can be significantly less expensive than agency adoption, because fewer fees are paid to a middleman.

Cons of independent adoption

Legalities. Independent adoption is not legal in all states.

Fraud. The likelihood of adoption fraud increases. Recently, there have been cases in the news about adoption facilitators who scammed prospective adoptive parents, and also of women who claim they’re pregnant and request funds from the adopting parents, and then walk away with the money.

Expense. Independent adoption costs are unpredictable. In some states, adoptive parents can pay for the counseling, living, and medical expenses of a pregnant woman (these payments are illegal in some states), in addition to paying the legal expenses of both the birth mother and the adoptive parent(s).

If birth mother doesn’t have health insurance or isn’t covered by Medicaid and has complications with the pregnancy, labor or delivery, the adopting parents may end of paying more than they would for an agency adoption.

Financial Risk. Independent adoption is a financial risk for adoptive parents. If a pregnant woman decides to parent, the prospective adoptive parents may lose all the expenses they’ve paid toward the pregnant woman’s expenses. Adoption insurance can guard against this risk.

Emotional Risk. Independent adoption is an emotional risk. Because adoptive parents and the pregnant woman/couple usually meet (sometimes, quite regularly for several months) before the baby is born, the potential adoptive parents may be emotionally devastated should the mother decide to parent her baby.

Support. Independent adoption may not provide the same level of support, preparation and counseling for a pregnant woman and for the adopting parents as does agency adoption. Lack of counseling may leave both parties unprepared for the emotional issues of adoption and post-adoption.

Locating the Birth Father. Locating a birth father may involve considerable time and expense.

State Adoption Laws. When adopting across state lines, adopting parents and birth parents must comply with the adoption laws of both states.

Sources:

Adoption.com
http://adopting.adoption.com/child/independent-adoptions.html

Adoption.com
http://adopting.adoption.com/child/adoption-facilitators.html

Baby Center
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/preconception/adopting/1373616.html

Association of Administrators of the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children http://icpc.aphsa.org/

iVillage
http://parenting.ivillage.com/baby/badoption/0,,69zb,00.html

National Adoption Information Clearinghouse http://naic.acf.hhs.gov/general/legal/statutes/advertising.cfm

For more information and articles about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com or my adoption.com blog, http://christian.adoptionblogs.com/.