Exploring Adoption

What to Pack When Traveling to China to Adopt

Here are some tips from parents who’ve traveled to China on  helpful items to pack. This list is by no means comprehensive, so if you’ve been to China and would like to add your suggestions, please do so in the Comments area. 

Pack as little as possible because you can purchase most of what you need in China.

Items you can buy in China:

• Cheap luggage in which to pack your souvenirs
• Stroller
• Bottles
• Bottle Warmer
• Diapers

To pack:

• Old undies and socks, which you can throw away while you’re in China (creates a bit more space in your suitcase on the trip home),
• Sample/hotel-size shampoo, conditioner, soap and/or body wash, which can also be thrown away when empty. Unless you’re in love with your brand, you don’t have to bring shampoo or soap because hotels supply it.
• Use the hair dryer that your hotel provides.
• Visit the dollar store and buy a dozen toothbrushes. Use bottled water to brush and rinse, and chuck your toothbrush every couple of days.
• A good pair of walking shoes or hiking sandals.
• Don’t bring too many snacks for your child – just fish crackers, Cheerios, beef jerkey and tubes of tea mix (10 for $1.76 at Wal-Mart).
• Air mattresses (their beds are rock-hard)
• Clothes that will hang-dry overnight after hand washing (saves $$ on hiring laundry service) or Febreeze, so you can spritz-wash your clothes rather than hand-washing or laundering them
• Small plastic containers that hold snacks and food for your baby
• Feminine hygiene products – they might not have your favorite brand in China
• Gifts for children in the orphanage

For tips on medications to pack for yourself, see my January 23, 2006 post. 

More adoption articles are available at my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com

'Dear Abby' Responds to Question about Open Adoption

'Dear Abby' was faced with a tough question yesterday. A birth mom in an open adoption has been exchanging letters and phone calls with her 14-year-old daughter for the last 4 years. The birth mom has married and now has two toddlers, but continues to mourn the loss of the daughter she placed for adoption 14 years ago. She sends poetry about the adoption to her daughter, and the daughter feels "sad, moody and upset" after contact with her birth mother.

The adoptive mom wants to know whether she should limit or sever the contact because she feels "it's unfair to unload this burden" on their daughter.

If you were 'Dear Abby,' what advice would you give in this situation?

To see what 'Dear Abby' advised, please visit ContraCostaTimes.com | 01/29/2006 | Birth mother's regret beginning to weigh heavily.

For more news and information about adoption, visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.

Adoption Book Review: 'Ocean's Apart'

In Karen Kingsbury’s Ocean’s Apart, both physical and emotional distance separates the characters. The story features a man who discovers that he fathered a son seven years ago. The man must decide whether to adopt his son when tragic circumstances strike in the boy’s life.

As is typical of the Kingsbury novels I’ve read, I predicted exactly how the story would end by the time I was one-third of the way through. Nevertheless, I stayed up half the night finishing it. That’s because Kingsbury’s books are character-driven, rather than plot-driven. Her overriding themes in Ocean’s Apart are forgiveness and second chances.

As I read, I empathized with several of the characters:
The heartbroken 7-year-old Max. What a genuine little guy! Karen Kingsbury really knows the mind of 7-year-old boys and it shows in the manner in which she portrays Max. Unlike the “little adults” who appear in so many novels, Max processes his grief in typical 7-year-old fashion.

The disillusioned wife, Michele. Pretty much everyone on the planet would agree that Michele has the right to feel angry, betrayed and spiteful as a result of an unpleasant surprise she receives. I appreciated the way the author gave Michele permission to express her feelings and attempt to figure out how to live with them.

The babysitter, Ramey. Aging, infirm Ramey has one goal: to love Max and to ensure that he finds a good home. She doesn’t meddle; rather, she learns to pray. She’s just plain cool.

Whenever I read a Karen Kingsbury book, I feel assured that she will portray the complexities of adoption with great sensitivity – she has adopted three of her own children. This book presents a rather unusual form of adoption, but does so in a realistic, thought-provoking manner. 

While adoption comes into play throughout the book, it isn’t the overriding theme. As is the case with all her novels, this book is an example of Kingsbury’s trademarked “Life-Changing Fiction.”® It plunges characters into potentially devastating situations and allows God to gently work healing in their lives – and in the lives of the readers.

A 3-part interview with Karen Kingsbury is available at my Web site.

Adoption Children's Book Review: ‘I Know Who I Am!’

I Know Who I Am by Stacie H. Cahill, Illustrated by Thomas J. Bintz, Jr.

This picture book, targeted for children from 3-8 years old, is a celebration of childhood, of life, of God, and of adoption. The narrator is an exuberant Caucasian girl who looks and sounds if she’s around 7 years old. In a series of “I am” statements, the narrator affirms that she feels happy, lovely and beautiful, inside and out.

She makes several “adoption” statements, such as, “I am adopted, and chosen to be loved…my birthmother cared a great deal, and she was able to choose who my forever family would be. She chose to place me in a safe home with the family that God had planned for me.”

I asked our 9-year-old son (who became part of our family when his birth parents “chose” us to parent him), to help me review this book. He thought that girls would like I Know Who I Am and suggested that parents could use the book to explain adoption to either their adopted child or to any young child.

He commented that the “cartoonish drawings” were “not realistic.” We both noticed that the author rhymed much of the text, but that the rhythm seemed stilted and a bit “off.”

My son brought up a thought-provoking point about children’s adoption books (keep in mind that his perspective is that of a typical fourth grader obsessed with “fitting in” and “being liked” by his classmates): “These books make me feel like they’re trying to make me feel special just because I was adopted. When people talk about adoption, it makes you feel weird and different. If you don’t (talk about it), you feel normal.”

Hmmm…I sense some processing going on here. It seems that this book brought some of the adoption issues he’s currently wrestling with to the forefront of his mind.

Subscribe to my mailing list at www.laurachristianson.com and I'll enter you in January's drawing to receive a free copy of I Know Who I Am! The winner will be announced February 1.

Meg Ryan to Adopt from China

It seems as if "adoption fever" is running rampant among celebrities.  Meg Ryan is the latest single actress to announce her plan to adopt a baby from China. According to the gossip rags, she's on her way to China this week to bring home her daughter.

Celebrities have as much right to pursue adoption as anyone else does. My qualms are a result of the constant airing of their disastrous private lives. I fear that their newly adopted children may be going from one sad situation to another. I hope that Ryan is adopting because she truly is committed to parenting another child, and not because the idea of "rescuing an orphan" is the trendy thing to do in Hollywood.

Adopting Internationally? Here's What to do While You Wait

A fun article at adoption.com lists the top 10 things to do while you're waiting for your child to come home. It suggests everything from childproofing to taking date nights to making appointments with a pediatrician. Check it out!

The Top 5 Medications to Bring for Yourself When Traveling Overseas to Adopt

When adoptive parents pack their bags in anticipation of bringing home their child, they always include oodles of items they think their child might need. But don’t forget to toss in the following items for yourself:

1. An all-purpose prescription antibiotic such as Cypro
2. Immodium, for diarrhea relief
3. Sleeping pills
4. Anti-itch cream
5. Hemorrhoidal cream for those long plane/bus/taxi rides

If you’re heading to a warm climate, don’t forget to pack sunscreen and sunglasses. And if you’re prone to asthma (even mild asthma), pack an Albuterol inhaler. Tender Western lungs get easily irritated in countries that have more diesel fumes, dust and pollutants than what you’re used to breathing.

Readers who’ve traveled overseas: What critical items did you bring for yourself?

For more information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com

How the Internet has Changed Adoption Practices

Better support, better-informed parents, and agency accountability are just a few of the ways that the Internet has changed adoption pratices in recent years. Check out the Seattle Times article by Stephanie Dunnewind for more.
 

International Adoption: How to Choose a Reputable Agency

The following tips for choosing an adoption agency were suggested by panelists (all recent adoptive parents) at the international adoption workshop sponsored by Heartbeat Ministries:

• Ask everyone you know (and those you know through the Internet) which agency they worked with and how they felt about their experience.
• Your agency should also willingly supply you with references of families who have adopted through them.

Ask the references:

• Where did you stay when you traveled to bring home your child (hotel, orphanage, private residence)?
• How long did you stay?
• How did you get around?
• How effectively did the agency communicate with you? Do they return phone calls in a timely manner or do you have to wait a week or two for a response?
• Do they know the answers to your questions? If they don’t know, do they work diligently to find answers for you?

Ask the agency:

• What is the turnover rate on your staff?
• Do you have or can you recommend groups in the community comprised of parents who have adopted from a particular country?
• How many adoptions per year do you complete from___country?
• Who is in charge of the program (i.e., China, India, Guatemala, etc.) that I’ll be working with?

• How long has that person been facilitating adoptions from that country?
• What’s their tie to the country?
• Have they visited the country?

• Is there a native/local in the country who will serve as my in-country liaison? What kind of experience does that person have?
• Who runs the orphanage in which my child lives (the adoption agency, an outside agency, a private source or the government)?

Ask yourself:

How far away from where I live is the adoption agency? You can choose an agency anywhere in the U.S. and  chances are, the adoption will run smoothly. However, our panelists recommended choosing one within driving distance of your home so that if a paperwork glitch occurs, the agency is easily accessible.

They also pointed out that when you use a local agency, you’re more likely to travel with a group of parents from your area. During adoption travel, parent groups bond closely and many continue to share their lives with one another as their children grow. This provides your child with a built-in opportunity to befriend another adopted child from his or her native country.

For more information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com

Why People Choose International Adoption Instead of Domestic Adoption

During the workshop on international adoption sponsored by Heartbeat Ministries, several parents explained why they chose international adoption rather than domestic adoption. Interestingly, they all admitted that their initial fears and expectations about adoption bore little resemblance to the realities they experienced. Here are some of the issues they wrestled with before deciding to adopt internationally:

• In domestic adoptions, a percentage of birth parents change their mind at the last minute and decide to parent. They don’t want to take that risk.
• When parents adopt internationally, as soon as they receive their “referral” or are “matched” with a child, they become emotionally attached to that child. They know that that same emotional attachment would occur if they were to meet a birth parent(s) in a domestic adoption. International adoption guarantees more of a “sure thing” than does domestic adoption.
• They fear that in a domestic adoption, a birth parent(s) might show up years down the line and demand their child back.
• During the domestic adoption process, parents wishing to adopt write a “Dear Birth parent” letter which pits them in “competition” against other potential adoptive parents. They don’t have to join the “my family’s better than yours” competition.
• There are millions of children, already born, who need families. Granted, there are hundreds of thousands of children in the U.S. waiting for families. But the U.S. system doesn’t feel “trustworthy” in providing “safe transitions” from foster care to permanent homes.
• It’s difficult to find a child who is “legally free” for adoption via the U.S. system.
• They want to travel to adopt a child, and traveling overseas is an ideal way to see more of the world, become acquainted with their child’s country of origin and to bring home a child.

How about you? Are you choosing international or domestic adoption? Why?

For more information about adoption, please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com