Exploring Adoption

International Adoption Statistics

In fiscal year 2005, the top 20 countries from which Americans adopted were:

1. China
2. Russia
3. Guatemala
4. South Korea
5. Ukraine
6. Kazakhstan
7. Ethiopia
8. India
9. Colombia
10. Philippines
11. Haiti
12. Liberia
13. China (Taiwan born)
14. Mexico
15. Poland and Thailand (tie)
16. Brazil
17. Nigeria
18. Jamaica
19. Nepal
20. Moldolva

Source: U.S. Department of State

For more information about adoption, visit my Web site: www.laurachristianson.com.

Adoption Statistics: 2005 Year in Review

The U.S. Census Bureau recently published a compilation of interesting statistics about adoption. I thought that sharing them would be a fitting way to end 2005:

Children
1.6 million
Number of adopted children (under 18) of householders. These children comprise 2.5 percent of all children (under 18) of householders. An additional 473,000 adopted children of householders are 18 and over, again representing 2.5 percent of all householder children in that age group.        

3.9%
Percentage of children under 18 in Alaska who are adopted, the highest of any state.

90
Number of adopted boys for every 100 adopted girls under 18. Conversely, among biological children in this age group, the ratio is 106 boys for every 100 girls.        

16%
Percentage of adopted children under 18 who are black. Additionally, 7 percent are Asian and 2 percent are American Indian and Alaska native. Adopted children are more likely to be of these race groups than are biological children or stepchildren.

17%
Percentage of adopted children under 18 who are of a different race than the householder. This compares with 11 percent of stepchildren and 7 percent of biological children.        

Foreign-born
13%
Percentage of adopted children who are foreign-born. The corresponding rate for biological children and stepchildren is 4 percent.

48,000
Number of foreign-born adopted children under 18 from Korea. Korea is the largest single-country source of such children, accounting for nearly one-fourth (24 percent) of them. Overall, nearly half of foreign-born adopted children of all ages are from Asia.        

21,616
Number of immigrant visas issued to orphans coming to the United States for adoption in 2003, up from 7,377 a decade earlier. The leading sources of these orphans are China and Russia.

82%
Percentage of European-born adopted children under 6 who are from Russia or Romania.        

Households
1.7 million
Number of households that contain adopted children. These households comprise 4 percent of all households in which the householder has children.

Among households that contain adopted children of the householder, 82 percent have just one adopted child, while 15 percent have two and 3 percent have three or more.        

43
Average age of householders with adopted children. These householders’ average age is about 5 years older than householders with biological children or stepchildren.

$56,000
Median income for households with adopted children under 18, higher than those with biological children and stepchildren, $48,000 and $51,000, respectively.

33%
Percentage of adopted children under 18 who live with a householder who has at least a bachelor’s degree. This compares with 26 percent for biological children and 16 percent for stepchildren.

78%
Percentage of adopted children under 18 who live in homes that are owned by their adoptive parents. The percentage of biological children and stepchildren under 18 in homes owned by their parents is 67 percent.

For more information about adoption, visit my Web site: www.laurachristianson.com.

Wishing You a ‘Mary’ Christmas

Have you ever been wished a “Martha” Christmas? I doubt it. There’s a Bible story (Luke 10:38-41) about two sisters named Martha and Mary. Jesus and his disciples visit their home one day. While Mary sits at Jesus’ feet listening to him in rapt attention, Martha is “distracted by all the preparations” that have to be made. I can imagine Martha glaring at her sister as she taps her on the shoulder, hissing, “Mary, I need a little help in the kitchen. NOW.

In fact, Martha even whines to Jesus that Mary left her to do all the work by herself (and preparing dinner for 13 hungry men was likely no small task).

Jesus gently answers her, “Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.”

Jesus doesn’t specify what that “one thing” is, but he indicates that “Mary has chosen what is better.” In other words, Mary has chosen to spend time with her very special guests.

I fully relate to Martha – I’m a perfectionist and I get irritated when those who are supposed to be helping me cook dinner, clean house or wrap presents don’t meet my expectations. But this Christmas, as I spend time with family and friends, I’m going to attempt to follow Mary’s example: I’ll rest at the feet of Jesus, bask in the love he offers, and enjoy the precious moments with those I love. I hope that you, too, will have a ‘Mary’ Christmas.

Inspiration for this reflection came from Mary Johnson, the Bible Study Fellowship teaching leader in Marysville, WA.

Understanding the Dynamics of the Closed Adoption Era

Today I’m publishing a guest editorial from Jody Moreen, editor of Adoption Blessings Journal and compiler of the book, Letters and Reflections to My Adopted Daughters (John Newton, hymn writer of “Amazing Grace). Jody has attended adoption triad support groups for 12 years and has facilitated groups in Indiana and Illinois for over 10 years. Jody, who was adopted and has reunited with her birth family, has a passion for helping people understand the dynamics of the closed adoption era.

Decades ago it was rare that birth parents were encouraged to keep their babies born in crisis pregnancies. There was a culture of shame (from family, from society and even from churches who should have practiced the grace of God). Hiding the “secret” was the rule and many birth mothers were sent away to cold maternity homes to have the baby alone. These women usually lost their identity because they left their lives to be hidden away. Many of the men involved in the pregnancy abandoned them, as did everyone else, who labeled them "bad" or “disgraceful” women. There was usually little to no counseling to help the woman make a decision; it was expected – and often forced upon the woman – that she would relinquish the baby for adoption.

I used to believe that birth parents coldly signed papers and without any feeling walked away – WRONG! Many birth mothers longed to keep their babies but there was no support or resources like they have today. In the past, pregnant girls would have had to quit school. Now they continue in school, get parenting classes, and often have baby showers and celebrations. This is so, so opposite of the cultural climate decades ago.

I have met hundreds of women who relinquished babies years ago and their grief today is as fresh as if it had happened yesterday. They hurt for the loss and were traumatized for a lifetime over the treatment they received in their time of need and emotional upheaval. They remember their baby and long to meet him or her. Many continue to suffer in silence and shame.   

Let’s dispel the myth that birth mothers “rejected” their babies – they responded to the situation with the only card they had – they had no choice but to “just sign” the papers for adoption. Their families said “no” (to parenting); society turned its face and there were few charitable places such as today’s Crisis Pregnancy Centers, which aid women and give them food, baby clothes, classes, counseling and support to parent.

Those women who did leave babies on doorsteps or at hospitals also acted out of fear – probably the fear of being shunned by their families. They were alone, misunderstood and did not have loving advocates or helpers in their time of need. Their actions were not taken out of hate for their baby, but rather, as a reaction to the fear, shame and abandonment they felt.

Often, those who were adopted and never learned their true story “fill in the blanks.” I encourage any adoptee who is not educated about the realities of past adoption practices or who has not met birth parents from the closed adoption era to attend adoption triad support groups in your area or to join an online forum. You will grow a new understanding, respect and compassion for these brave, beautiful women. You will learn that you were not “rejected” but given life. Instead of abortion, you were given a family. And you were loved by the “invisible” mother who loved you from a distance.

Adoption Book Review: “Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects On Raising Internationally Adopted Children”

In yesterday’s post and again today, I’m offering the Reader’s Digest version of a couple of adoption book reviews I found on Literary Mama.

Please visit Literary Mama to read an extensive review of today’s book.

Beyond Good Intentions: A Mother Reflects On Raising Internationally Adopted Children by Cheri Register

Highlights and excerpts from a review by Lisa MB Simons:

Cheri Register, the mother of two Korean-born daughters, writes to adoptive parents – those who are just beginning their adoption journey, those in the middle of it, and those who have “been there, done that.” This book also includes reflections from adult adoptees and gives voice to “their grief, anger, frustrations, and feelings of isolation – in order to illustrate the fact that adoptees often experience just the opposite of what their well-intentioned parents believe.”

The reviewer (Simons) explains that the book presents ten mistakes adoptive parents risk in raising their internationally-born children. Those pitfalls are:

1. Wiping away our children’s past
2. Hovering over our ‘troubled’ children
3. Holding the lid on sorrow and anger
4. Parenting on the defensive
5. Believing race doesn’t matter
6. Keeping our children exotic
7. Raising our children in isolation
8. Judging our country superior
9. Believing adoption saves souls
10. Appropriating our children’s heritage

Register introduces the adoptive parent’s mistaken notion (in Chapter 1) in this manner: “Finally, I'm going to have the son I've always dreamed of, and I'll treat him exactly as if he were born to me. The fact that he's adopted shouldn't make any difference.”

The chapter titles sound so intriguing that I can't wait to get my hands on this book. Similar to the author of the book review I posted yesterday, Register is concerned about the growing popularity of international adoption and its glorification by stars such as Angelina Jolie. Register wishes that "international adoption be governed by a concern for children that puts greater emphasis on keeping families intact and daily life sustainable in the countries where they are born."

Adoption Book Review: “Weaving a Family: Untangling Race and Adoption”

I’d love to read and review every adoption book that comes down the pike, but alas, I have a life. So today and tomorrow I’m going to provide the Reader’s Digest version of a couple of adoption book reviews I found on Literary Mama.  

Please visit Literary Mama to read an extensive review of this book.

Weaving a Family: Untangling Race and Adoption by Barbara Katz Rothman

Highlights and excerpts from a review by Deesha Philyaw Thomas:

The reviewer (Thomas) is a black adoptive mom, and says she approached this book with both interest and skepticism, wondering whether a white author would “get” racism. She also wondered, “Would Rothman write about hair? About how for black folks, hair isn’t just hair?”

Thomas was pleasantly surprised that Rothman devoted an entire chapter to hair. Apparently, the author’s original intention was to write a book about how white mothers learn – or do not learn – to do hair for their black children. Rothman writes, “In the doing of hair, one does race. Race is constructed, celebrated, despaired of, enjoyed, feared.”

Rothman “sees beyond black and white,” writes the reviewer. In addition to discussing the adoption of black children by white parents, she also considers the adoption of Chinese and Korean children by white parents.

I found particularly enlightening the reviewer’s comments about how international adoption emphasizes “The Baby, as if the baby were hatched and not born of a feeling, breathing mother.” The author muses that in international adoption, “the children appear to come from orphanages, not mothers.” Rothman believes that the perceived anonymity of these mothers, as well as the “availability and the almost-whiteness of the children” draws Americans to international adoption. Rothman points out that adoptive families who make return visits to their child’s native country usually do so to consume the country itself, rather than to seek out birth mothers. Rothman writes that “the reality of a grieving mother…is far more than most adoptive parents want.”

The reviewer compliments Rothman’s “insightful and challenging discussion of race and describes Rothman’s writing style as “engaging,” “deeply personal,” and “scholarly.” The reviewer concludes that Weaving a Family should be required reading for white parents in transracial adoptive families.

Open Adoption: A Step in the Right Direction for Women Experiencing an Unlanned Pregnancy

"An open adoption is like getting married -- if you don't want to do it, you shouldn't," says Shari Levine, director of Open Adoption and Family Services in Portland, Oregon.

I had a chance to chat with Shari last week so I asked her a few questions I'd been chewing on. First, I asked whether domestic adoptions are decreasing. Not at OA&FS, says Shari. Because the agency specializes in open adoptions (that is, the kind in which a legally-enforceable contract specifies the terms of ongoing contact between the birth and adoptive family), many women who experience an unplanned pregnancy contact them.

"Do you coerce pregnant women into making an adoption plan?" I asked (okay, I didn't put it quite that bluntly, but that was the gist of the question).

"Certainly not," replied Shari. She explained that when a pregnant woman contacts them, their counselors spend a great deal of time reviewing the long-term implications of the woman's choice to parent her child or make an adoption plan. If the woman expresses an interest in adoption and "it seems doable," she and her counselor begin to develop an adoption plan.

I like the fact that OA&FS offers "lifetime counseling" for both birth mothers and adoptive families, because many times, unexpected issues arise months, or even years after the adoption.

Although I believe that some adoption agencies still coerce women into relinquishing their babies, my guess is that the baby's father and the pregnant woman's family are the driving force behind most coerced relinquishments. And in past years, women commonly were coerced into giving up their babies.

At Open Adoption and Family Services, they offer many types of support groups, workshops and counseling, during which they take a close look at the past system of closed adoption vs. modern-day open adoption. "We learn from the mistakes of the past," says Shari.

More Christmas Gift Ideas for Moms

Yesterday I recommended some Christmas-flavored books and CDs. Today, I suggest some terrific stocking stuffers for the reader in your life.

A Treasury of Adoption Miracles
Adoptive mom and bestselling author Karen Kingsbury compiled 12 heartwarming stories about adoption for this little volume. The true stories were submitted by adoptive parents, birth parents and adopted people. You can savor the book one chapter at a time or gobble the whole thing in one sitting, like I did. Regardless of how you read it, you’ll return to this book time and again. A review of this book is at my web site. Karen Kingsbury fans can also read a 3-part profile about her at my site.

The Velveteen Mommy: Laughter and Tears From the Toy Box Years
You’ve probably read the classic Velveteen Rabbit, the story of the well-loved stuffed bunny who becomes Real. Now, Jenn Doucette  offers inspiration just for Real moms. Although Jenn’s writing is slanted towards moms who gave birth to their children, she’s also sensitive to adoptive moms (I made sure – I helped critique her manuscript!). All moms, especially those in “the toddler trenches” will relate to Jenn’s laugh-out-loud funny escapades, and you’ll come away refreshed and encouraged. A review of this book is at my site and you can read an excerpt at Crosswalk.com.

10-Minute Time Outs for Moms and 10-Minute Time Outs for Busy Woman
Grace Fox’s down-to-earth writing is a godsend for devotionally-challenged women (like me). I always have a hard time finishing those “365 devotions” books, because I miss days and then I feel guilty. Grace’s books make devotions easy and inviting. They’re organized by chapter, rather than by calendar year, so you can pick up her book any time you need a breather and enjoy a brief, meaningful meditation. You don’t even need to crack open a Bible, because each chapter is self-contained with a Scripture verse, a prayer, a real-life inspirational message, a couple of thought-provoking questions for meditation or journaling, an intercessory prayer, and a concluding Scripture.

Parenting Power in the Early Years: Raising Your Child with Confidence – Birth to Age Five
A final plug for Brenda Nixon’s book. I haven’t had a chance to read it yet, but I’ve read articles Brenda has written, and I know she’s a respected parenting expert. Her handbook covers critical issues such as when to start toilet training (for your child, not you) and how to handle tantrums or biting (again, these tips apply to your child). Brenda is currently offering autographed copies of Parenting Power for only $10 with free shipping and handling if you order from her directly. She also makes her book available to nonprofit groups at 60 percent off the cover price (plus shipping handling) on a minimum order of five books. To order, contact Brenda at parentpwr1@juno.com.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

The Pink Ladies: Jenn Doucette, Grace Fox and Laura Christianson at the 2005 International Christian Retail Show.

Christmas Gift Ideas

Need some gift ideas for the woman or mom on your list? Today, I’ll recommend some Christmas-y titles; tomorrow I’ll talk about some books you’ll enjoy year-round.

All I Really Want for Christmas.
Steven Curtis Chapman’s new Christmas CD features a combination of traditional carols and original music. In the liner notes, Steven (an adoptive dad) explains, “I wrote the song ‘All I Really Want’ as I reflected on the painful truth that Christmas is anything but joyful for so many children…instead of it being a time of joy and feeling loved, Christmas only highlights for them what they don’t have and so desperately want and need: a family.” Steven and his wife Mary Beth founded Shaohannah’s Hope, a foundation that helps Christian families reduce the financial barrier to adoption. This CD is one women, men and kids will enjoy having in your Christmas music collection for years to come. For more about the goings-on in Steven's life, visit BREATHEcast.com.

A Purse-Driven Christmas and The Purse-Driven Life.
Comedian Anita Renfroe channels her stand-up humor into these two books. You gotta love the titles, which spoof the best-selling Purpose-Driven Life books by Rick Warren. I love Anita’s dry, yet personable humor in A Purse-Driven Christmas, as she discusses themes such as The Last Space in the Parking Lot Quest and the quest for The Perfect Christmas Tree.

The Christmas Shoes, The Christmas Blessing and The Christmas Hope.
Adoptive mom Donna VanLiere has wowed the world with her NY Times bestselling Christmas Hope series. The Christmas Blessing, adapted to a made-for-TV movie, premiers Sunday, December 18 at 9 p.m. on CBS. I decided to read the books in order (which is a good idea, considering they’re a series). The Christmas Shoes shook me to the core, probably because I’ve recently experienced the same heartbreaking scenario as one of the characters (I can’t tell you more because it would give away the plot). I’m currently beginning book two, which I’d better hurry and finish before it’s on TV this weekend. The books are a quick, easy read – a little sugary – but that’s what we need at Christmastime!

Brad Pitt Hopes to Adopt Angelina Jolie’s Children

Brad Pitt filed a petition in Los Angeles County to adopt Angelina Jolie’s two (adopted) children, Maddox, 4 and Zahara, 11 months. Once the legal papers are signed, the children’s names will be Maddox Jolie-Pitt and Zahara Jolie-Pitt.

It’s unusual for Pitt to adopt Jolie’s children outside of marriage. The logical route would be for the couple to marry and for Pitt to do a step-parent adoption, which would cost him $775. Instead, Pitt will go through the same process as every other prospective adoptive parent. He’ll fill out reams of paperwork, complete the adoption home-study and pay a $2,950 home study fee.

I doubt that the fees will be a problem – Pitt earns $10 to $30 million per film (and if he needs financial assistance, Jolie can provide it – she commands $10 to $15 million per film).

The real question is, will he pass the scrutiny of the social worker who handles his home study? The 41-year-old star has already gone through one high-profile divorce from Jennifer Aniston. He and Jolie are (so far) not showing any signs that they intend to marry. And, should they marry, we all know what kind of track record Hollywood marriages have. But given his star status, I suspect Pitt will pass the home study with flying colors.

Related Posts on this blog:

Madonna Discusses Adoption on ‘Oprah’ 10-25-06

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Consider Adopting Child #4  6-20-06

Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Lopez, Consider Adoption  4-1-06

Renee Zellweger Wants to Adopt 10-14-05

Celebrities Adopting  6-10-05

For more news and info about adoption please visit my Web site, www.laurachristianson.com.