Exploring Adoption

Steven Curtis Chapman's Christmas Tour, CD, Raise Funds for Adoption Foundation

Five-time Grammy winner, Steven Curtis Chapman, is donating some of the proceeds from his 21-city tour and his new CD, "All I Really Want for Christmas," to the nonprofit adoption foundation he founded with his wife, Mary Beth.

The foundation, Shaohannah's Hope, is named after the  6-year-old daughter they adopted from China when she was an infant. The Chapmans have other children: Emily, 19; Caleb, 15; Will, 14; Stevey Joy, 3 (from China); and Maria Sue, 2 (from China).

In an article in The Flint Journal (Michigan), Doug Pullen quotes Chapman as saying, "A lot of the focus publicly now, particularly with this album and tour, is to continue to tell the story of adoption, to really give a voice to the orphans. There are more than 50 million of them in the world who, for the most part, never get to tell their story. I've got this incredible platform where I can tell their story and keep bringing them, so to speak, in front of people to remind them they're there."

The Chapmans' foundation helps make adoption more affordable for hundreds of families. They receive about 100 applications a month from people with approved home studies, and so far, have assisted more than 500 families.

In addition to providing financial assistance to adopting families, Shaohannah's Hope offers education and resources for people interested in adoption.

The Chapmans assist in orphanages across the world; last summer they spent two weeks in a Ugandan orphanage and they travel to China frequently. Chapman plans to scale back his career in the U.S. so he can live for several months in a Chinese orphanage. He also plans to release an album exclusively in China, as a way of saying thank you for the gifts he's received from that country.

Chapman's Christmas tour features Christian rock band MercyMe. Chapman will be singing some songs from "All I Really Want for Christmas," as well as a new song about adoption and  selections from a 2003 Hallmark album, "Christmas is All In the Heart."

"All I Really Want for Christmas," which was released September 27 by Sparrow Records, contains 12 original and traditional holiday favorites and features Chapman's daughter, Shaoey, along with country singer Vince Gill.

Source: "Singer walks the walk promoting adoption," by Doug Pullen; The Flint Journal, 11-28-05

For more adoption information, visit Laura's Web site: www.laurachristianson.com

Australians Discouraged From Adopting Internationally

Those of us who live in the United States tend to have tunnel vision about what is happening elsewhere in the world of adoption. While the U.S. leads the world in the numbers of children adopted internationally, families across the globe are seeking to adopt.

In Australia, for instance, a federal inquiry into overseas adoption found that the state of Queensland gives low priority to inter-country adoptions. This may be in large part due to the fact that between 2002-2004, inter-country adoptions from Queensland were closed due to lack of government funding.

Australia's inter-country adoption rate lags behind most developed countries, with 370 children adopted internationally by Australian families in 2003-04.

Link: The Courier-Mail: 'Anti-adoption culture' slammed [29nov05], by Erica Thompson.

For more adoption information, visit Laura's Web site: www.laurachristianson.com

The 4-A Way of Negotiating Adoption Anxiety

In an article in WORLD magazine (Nov. 5, 2005) Kristin Swick-Wong offers adoptive parents four tips for dealing with the emotional turbulence adoption brings:

Acknowledge what is different. Because our children come to us having experienced significant loss – whether they arrive in our homes as newborns, toddlers or older children – adoptive families face unique and oftentimes, complex challenges. Opening ourselves up to risk “can quiet our fear and push us toward productive times of putting our faith in God,” writes Kristin.

Affirm what is the same. Just like parents who give birth to their children, adoptive parents are…parents. We celebrate our child’s personality and gifts. We wipe noses, comfort owies, cheer at their sporting events, laugh and cry together. “God has wisdom and love enough for all of us.”

Accept help. “Adoption is a pilgrimage best not undertaken alone,” writes Kristin. She explains that when churches intentionally support adoption and foster care, blessings are multiplied on both the adoptive family and the entire community.

Anticipate wonders. Kristin encourages parents to view the anxiety that accompanies adoption as an opportunity for personal and spiritual growth. “As we set our love on someone biologically unrelated to us, we marvel at God’s unconditional love,” she writes. “As we grieve over the sad stories that sometimes accompany our adoptions, our stretched hearts grow bigger.” Adoption truly does change us, not only for the short time that we spend together during this lifetime, but for eternity.

Kristin Swick-Wong is an adoptive mom and author of Carried Safely Home: The Spiritual Legacy of an Adoptive Family.

For more adoption information, visit Laura's Web site: www.laurachristianson.com

The Chronicles of Barnia, Part 2: The Return of the Pig

Cue up the theme song to "Ghostbusters":
When there's something strange
In your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call?
PIG BUSTERS!

Yes, folks, Mr. Pig is back, and he's happily continuing his destruction of our backyard (see Nov 17 post for the first part of this saga).

This time, I decided to take official action to have the invader removed from the premises. I called my county's Animal Control department. Ever been stuck in an endless voicemail loop? Then you can relate to the surge of frustration I felt as I dialed the number and listened to a 5-minute recording that instructed me to dial three other numbers. I dialed the other three numbers, which -- you guessed it -- referred me back to the first number. All four numbers recommended that I also call 911. I thought, "911? But this isn't an emergency. Should I waste my own taxpayer dollars by calling 911 because a pig is digging up my lawn? 

After exhausting the other possibilities, I did, indeed call 911, with an apologetic, "This is a non-emergency call."  I explained to the irritated 911 operator that the assorted Animal Control, PAWS and licensing department voice mail messages had instructed me to call 911 for assistance in getting an animal removed from my property. 

The 911 guy promptly (and not too nicely) informed me that I should call Animal Control, who would take care of the problem. He graciously supplied the number, which, incidentally, was the same number I'd just called five times.  Thanks a lot, buddy.

I decided to call the County operator in hopes of speaking with a real, non-cranky person (by this time, I was feeling pretty cranky myself). I pleasant-sounding female voice picked up on the first ring. I explained my dilemma and she volunteered to send an email "right this minute" to the Animal Control manager (or whatever you call that person).

I thought, "Yay! I've finally found someone with power -- someone who can actually get my message to a real person -- if a real person does work in that office!" (At this point, I was formulating Animal Control conspiracy theories. I imagined that all the numbers I'd been offered via voice mail were being routed to the same phone, located in a vacant warehouse somewhere near the Port of Seattle -- I think I've been watching too much Law & Order).

As the county operator listened to my tale of woe, I could hear her trying to stifle laughter. Finally, a giggle escaped and she confessed, "Actually, your story is somewhat...humorous."  Then she began laughing outright, wished me a Happy Thanksgiving and signed off, still giggling.  I'm sure that my story provided entertaining water cooler conversation the rest of the day.

The same county operator called me a couple of hours later (still giggling) to inform me that the Animal Control officer had responded to her email. The operator told me that she had a phone number in her hot little hands that I could call to request that someone capture Mr. Pig.

The number?
911.

Where to Find Adoption Merchandise

The holiday season is upon us, and you may be seeking a unique gift for the special adopted person, parent or birth parent in your life. In an earlier post (Oct. 4, 2005), I provided links to merchandisers that sell adoption greeting cards. But a plethora of adoption-related gifts – some lovely, some just plain ugly – is available online. Here’s an overview of some of the sites. I have not ordered merchandise from any of these places, so I’m not endorsing them; I’m merely passing along information.

Adoption Shop – http://adoptionshop.com/ - Wristbands; charms; DVDs; lifebooks; art; scrapbooking supplies; baby products and much more

AdoptShoppe - www.adoptshoppe.com/ - Mother’s bracelets; ornaments; cookbooks; kids’ books and music; jewelry; needlework patterns and more

Adoption World – http://adoptionstuff.com – Life books for kids of all ages (foster and adopted); adoption day buttons, balloons, announcements, thank-you cards and more

Angel Baby Gifts - http://angelbabygifts.com/ - Shirts; candy wrappers; party invitations; announcements; address labels; personalized gifts

Asia For Kids - www.afk.com/ - Multicultural ornaments; Korean princess doll; From China With Love calendar; Chinese gong; DVDs; posters; language lessons games and flashcards

Books Without Borders - www.bookswithoutborders.com/ - Foreign language books, videos, audiocassettes; calendars, paper dolls; sticker books

Celebrate Adoption - www.celebrateadoption.com/ - Lapel pin; holiday cards; First Christmas ornament; journals; Asian dolls; personalized items; mousepads; mugs; calendars; adoption blogs; adoption website design and more

Designs from the Heart - www.designsfromtheheart.org/ - Multicultural items, including a personalized Christmas stocking; First Christmas Home ornament; nativity sets; rubber stamps; jewelry and much more

Friends in Adoption – www.friendsinadoption.org – T-shirts, jewelry, mugs

Heart and Seoul - www.heartandseoul.com/ - T-shirts; jewelry; adoption art; keychains; gotcha day balloons; adoption license plates; flag hats, charms, lapel pins, tie tacks, decals, stickers, and flags from various countries

International Doll Company - www.multiculturaldolls.com/ - Multicultural dolls: Asian, Latin American, Russian, and more; even Asian “Barbie” dolls

Jenni Heart Creations - www.jenniheartcreations.com/ - Adoption t-shirts and general baby items

Kids Culture Center - www.kidsculturecenter.com – Dolls; books; music; videos; puzzles; toys; clothing; all designed to teach children about their country of origin

Our Chinese Daughters Foundation – www.cafepress.com/ocdf – Apparel; baby items; housewares; bags; stickers; buttons; magnets; posters; journals

Tapestry Books - www.tapestrybooks.com/ - You can find just about every adoption book ever written in this catalog (this is one resource I use often and endorse)

The Adopt Shop – www.theadoptshop.com - Apparel for babies, kids and adults; housewares; hats; totes; stickers; cards; prints; calendars

World Community Market – www.worldcommunitymarket.net -  Handcrafted, one-of-a-kind items from all over the world, including art by orphan children (most items on this site are not adoption-related, but they’re interesting)

If you know of other sites that sell adoption merchandise, feel free to provide a link in the Comment area below. This information and the article about adoption greeting cards is also available on my Website, www.laurachristianson.com.

Adopted Kid Investigates Mystery

I was getting ready to take my son to the school bus when he called, "Mom, come here, quick!"

I rushed upstairs to where he was standing, transfixed, staring out the window into our backyard. The cat, too, was sitting still as a statue on our deck, peering through the early-morning mist at something big and black that was nosing around our yard. It looked like a Rottweiler with very, very short legs.

Its ears flickered. "What is it, Mom?" asked my son. "Is it a bear?"

I stared harder. "I think...I think it's a pig," I announced.

We live in a semi-rural neighborhood, so horses, llamas and cows are an everyday sight. But no one near us owns a pig.  We put on our tennis shoes and went outside to get a closer look.

Sure enough, it was a big, fat, black pig. I called, "Hey, pig!" He raised his snout, took one look at us and sprinted (yes, sprinted) into our strand of holly trees and then into the neighboring field.

We trudged back inside and my son said, "You've gotta write about this in your blog!"

I responded that I write only about adoption in my blog and asked him how the appearance of a pig in our back yard had anything to do with adoption. He pondered this for a moment and then brightened up. "I know," he said. "Write 'Adopted Kid Investigates Pig Mystery.'"

So there you have it, folks. An adoption blog that 'hams' it up every once in a while.

P.S. We called several neighbors to inquire about who might own the wayward pig, but haven't gotten any leads. Mr. Pig seems to have disappeared permanently from the premises, leaving only a wide swath of destruction where he dug up our yard.

(The Pig saga continues in my November 24 post).

Is International Adoption Right for You?

In 2004, the U.S. government issued 21,831 orphan visas for parents adopting internationally. In an article for Parents and Kids, Pat Hoopes (regional manager for the Massachusetts office of Wide Horizons for Children), describes several considerations people should make before adopting internationally:

1. Are you comfortable with the unknown?
The resources, laws and procedures of the country from which you choose to adopt are likely very different than the way we do things in the United States. A great deal of information about the child you hope to adopt will be unattainable. Can you live with this? If you have a need to know every fact, detail and history of your child, international adoption may not be for you. But if you're willing to parent a child in spite of a difficult or unknown history and you're willing to embrace the unknown with optimism, international adoption might be just the ticket.

2. How much risk are you willing to take?
Parenting is risky business, and adoption poses more risk than pregnancy for most people. It's important for you to determine your comfort level. For example, if you know nothing about your child's birth parents, are you willing to adopt? 

Hoopes writes that while birth parents are anonymous in China, the majority are from rural areas. They abandon their children (usually girls) due to poverty, the one child policy and a strong cultural preference for boys. While teen pregnancy, substance abuse and dysfunctional families do exist in China, it is less likely that a Chinese baby will come from that type of situation.  So, based on cultural mores, you do know something about the birth parents. Is it enough?

Another risk factor concerns the type of care a child receives prior to being adopted. Does the child live in a large, understaffed and underfinanced orphanage or in a small group home with a good child-to-caretaker ration, or in a foster home where he has received one-on-one attention? A child is more likely to be developmentally delayed if he's lived in a large, understaffed orphanage.

How long has your child been in care? "A child who is in short term institutional care is likely to have fewer associated risks than the one who has been there a long time," writes Hoopes.

3. Are you willing to be flexible?
You narrow your options considerably when you indicate that you will only accept a child under one year old. If you're willing to adopt a child up to two years old, or one who has more developmental delays that you had hoped for, you increase your options considerably.

4. Are you comfortable with differences?
If you're Caucasian and only feel comfortable adopting a child from your own race, you might consider Eastern Europe. However, even if you do that, your child brings with her a cultural heritage. You need to reconcile your own racial and ethnic issues before adopting so that you feel comfortable helping your child learn what her cultural identity means to her.

This article and additional articles describing the pros and cons of adoption is available at laurachristianson.com.

Questions to Ask an Adoption Professional

This is the final installment in a series of reflections about a book I’m reading: The Post Adoption Blues: Overcoming the Unforeseen Challenges of Adoption, by Karen J. Foli and John R. Thompson. Parts 1-12 were posted September 12, 14-16, 19; October 11-13, 18, 27, and November 4 and 5.

When you’re planning to adopt, you need to educate yourself about the professionals you are considering. “As in any field of service, the competency of adoption professionals varies widely. Their goals and mission statements vary considerably,” write the authors.

Here are some questions you should ask:

• How long have you been in operation?
• Where do your operating funds come from?
• Are you licensed by the state? (If you’re interviewing a facilitator, ask them if they work with reputable agencies. Get the names of the agencies and contact them, as well).
• Has there been or is there presently any litigation pending against your business?
• How extensive is the training that your staff members receive?
• How much experience in adoption services do you require of your staff members?
• Can I speak with some of your former clients?
• How much pre-adoption counseling is provided for adoptive parents?
• What kind of post-adoption counseling is provided for adoptive parents?
• If no post-adoption counseling is provided, can you refer me to other competent professional services for post-placement followup?
• What is the nature of the adoption counseling provided for prospective birth parents? Does the counseling give them the freedom to choose parenting, or does it steer them toward adoption?
• What steps do you take to forge relationships that will be healthy and natural for both the adoptive family and the birth parents 10 years down the road?
• What steps do you take to make sure that the rights of all parties are protected?
• What kinds of glitches have you experienced during your facilitation of adoptions and how have you dealt with them?

The answers that the adoption professional gives you should come in a patient, prompt and professional manner.

For more adoption information, visit Laura's Web site: www.laurachristianson.com

Dealing With Racism Directed at Multiracial Families

The Caucasian foster mom of two African-America girls, ages 7 and 3, poses this question (readers, please respond to her in the Comments area):

I took my African-American foster daughters to the beach this summer and witnessed horrible racism directed at them. A man ripped his child off the swings because we were there. People in town were unfriendly to us. When I took the girls food shopping in the next town, African-American women were indifferent to me, whereas Caucasian women showed no signs of discrimination.

I don't think the 3-year-old saw the problem, but the 7-year-old clearly felt the effects of the racism.

When a child is treated this way, how can I, as her parent, help her?

Ontario, Canada to Unseal Adoption Records

Ontario (Canada) joins British Columbia, Newfoundland, and Alberta in unsealing its adoption records. When the legislation, which passed by a 68-19 margin, becomes law in 18 months, adopted people and birth parents will be allowed access to birth records that were previously sealed.

The legislation allows either party to stipulate that they not be contacted, or that their records remain sealed -- provided they can prove to a tribunal that unsealing the records would cause harm.

There have been 250,000 adoptions in Ontario since record-keeping began, and nearly 73,000 names are currently listed on a provincial registry designed to help reunite birth parents and the children they relinquished.