Pastor Preaches That "Bad Attitude" Causes Infertility

One of my readers sent me the following comment:

"My pastor preached this past Sunday that barren women are barren because of their attitude. That bad attitudes cause a chemical imbalance that is keeping us from reproducing (as far as I know, I am the only barren woman in our small congregation)."

I thought I'd heard just about every theory about the causes of infertility, but this one floored me. Not only because of the pure ignorance of the statement, but moreso, because a pastor -- a person of authority -- a person who is supposed to be discerning and sensitive to the members of his congregation -- would have the audacity to make such a ludicrous claim.

In my entries for April 11 and 18, 2005, I asked the rhetorical question: If sinfulness (or in this case, "bad attitudes") kept us from reproducing, would anyone get pregnant?

I'd like to know how this pastor explains drug addicts, alcoholics and promiscuous people who get pregnant unintentionally? I guess their "bad attitudes" don't count. Only the attitudes of good Christians with bad attitudes count, apparently.

Pastors, if any of you read this blog, I want to encourage you to do two things:

1. Research.
2. Think.

Before you expound on the causes of "barrenness" from the pulpit, please consult with the experts. The Bible might be a good place to start. Plenty of the most famous people in the Bible had "bad attitudes" and most of them reproduced. Several of the most revered, godly people in the Bible (Moses comes to mind) experienced infertility.

Other experts, such as RESOLVE, the National Infertility Association, can provide accurate, statistical information about the many causes of infertility ("bad attitude" does not appear on the list, incidentally). RESOLVE has chapters in every state. They're in the phone book. Medical doctors and infertility clinics have this information available, too.

Interesting that although "bad attitude" is not proven to be one of the medical causes of infertility, some studies do link stress and infertility. Could it be that hapless congregants feel just a teensy bit stressed when their pastors announce that their bad attitudes are the reason they can't get pregnant?

Pastors, please realize that 1 in every 6 couples in the United States experiences fertility challenges during their childbearing years. That means that for every 100 people in your congregation, 16.6 of them (we'll say 17 so we don't have to cut anyone in thirds) -- men and women alike -- have difficulty getting pregnant.

You may think, "Everyone in my congregation has kids. There can't possibly be any barren people in my congregation" (probably because everyone in your congregation has such a great attitude). I've got news for you: the barren people are there. And they are probably silent. Hmmm. Wonder why?

Those infertile congregants may have received medical treatment that helped them become pregnant (some churches frown on this practice, known as "assisted reproductive technology"). Others may have adopted. And quite a few are experiencing secondary infertility, which means that they're able to get pregnant once, twice, or even six times, but this time 'round, they're having trouble (must be that bad attitude they developed from being a parent).

Pastors, please understand that people who long to become parents surround you, both inside and outside the walls of your church. And they need your loving support and your prayers, not your condemnation. They need to know that, whether or not they bear children, they are special in God's eyes and in your eyes. They need to know that you're praying they will find comfort in the arms of their Heavenly Father as they go through this difficult challenge.

Infertile people: I challenge you, as well. It's not until you get over the fear of confronting those who make hurtful, insensitive comments that things will begin to change. And that includes challenging your pastor. They are people, too (I am fairly certain about this --  my dad, my father-in-law and some of my best friends are pastors). We must all work on forgiving those who make mistakes born out of ignorance. Most pastors are thoughtful individuals who make wholehearted efforts to rethink issues, correct inaccuracies and apologize for insensitive comments they've made once they're aware of them (the really cool ones even apologize from the pulpit).

If your pastor has blundered in regards to infertility or adoption, invite him or her to a sit-down session in which you explain what the hurtful comment was, why it was hurtful to you, and why you think it may be hurtful to others. Then provide your pastor with some alternative language he or she can use that will help the pastor speak about these issues with sensitivity and compassion.

It's only when we speak the truth in love that others can become more sensitive to the millions of people who struggle with fertility challenges.

Comments

[Ms. Meehan]

Great response. I'll take it with me when I meet with my pastor.

[Julie]

I'm sorry you had that experience but it warms my heart to see that you have taken this as an opportunity to educate people.

May I recommend the book "And Hannah Wept". While directed at the Jewish Community, I feel that Christians and Jews can benefit from this book.

It shows all of the women of the bible (Old Testament) that were barren. The vast majority of these women were considered very pious, religious women.

[Laura]

Sweetheart, you need to change your church. He has no idea about what being Christian is, or about infertility.

[Aimee']

Great response. How disheartening it is that a pastor would choose to blame a person for their infertility. To encourage all women desiring to be a Mom one day: My husband and I were infertile for 5 years. God would actually bring me to the barren scriptures in the bible. I cringed everytime He did this. Through this infertile time, God asked me if I trusted Him to multiply our family. I told Him yes. My husband and I stopped infertility treatments the next day and instead of begging God for children we started thanking Him for the children He was going to give us. He placed adoption on our hearts. This was three years ago and today I am a happy Mom to seven children: six of our treasures are adopted and one we birthed. Praise God for infertility! It was His plan all along! He needs couples to adopt orphans. Afterall, when we do adopt, we are mirroring what God did for us as it says in Ephesians 1:5 "His unchanging plan has always been to adopt us into His own family through Jesus Christ. And this gave Him great pleasure."

For all the women who desire children and are faced with the label of being infertile: Please embrace it because God has a plan for you. He has a hope and a future for you!! You are not infertile because of anything you did in your past. Be encouraged. Be blessed!

In Christ,
Aimee'