Parents wanting to adopt independently have traditionally
advertised in the local newspaper’s classifieds. “Fun-loving, financially
secure, happily married couple in our early 30s, eager to adopt a baby.”
Similar “ads” are now popping up all over cyberspace.
Registry services at websites such as Adoption.com post photos and detailed
profiles of prospective adoptive families (Adoption.com lists 243 parent
profiles). ChristianAdoption.com, another registry service, posts a
state-by-state listing of parent profiles. Potential birth parents who plan to place
their child for adoption can view profiles at those registries and contact the
families.
That’s just what happened to Deana and Rick Watson, who posted
their profile on ChristianAdoption.com for two months. Suddenly, three prospective birth
mothers contacted them in one day. Before talking to them on the phone or
meeting in person, the Watsons communicated with them via e-mail.
“Once you speak with a birth parent on the phone, things
become real, says Deana. “E-mail allows both parties to keep some distance.” It
gives biological parents the chance to become acquainted with several couples before
they choose a family to adopt their child. Should the birth parents choose
another couple, the break is less painful – for everyone involved.
Common Sense In Matters of the Heart
Although the vast majority of adoptions progress smoothly,
wise parents should use caution throughout the process – especially in
cyberspace, where anonymity my encourage adoption fraud. Women, hungry for
money or attention, pose as birth mothers and promise their phantom baby to
multiple families.
Becca and Rick Blank thought they were “matched” with a
birth mom, “until
she laid huge guilt trips on us, trying to get money from us.”
Another woman asked at least two families if she could live
with them during the last months of her pregnancy. Yet another claimed to be
pregnant but was unwilling to release medical information or her attorney’s
name.
One would-be adoptive mom realized she was being conned when
she discussed her situation with an online friend and discovered they were both
conversing with the identical birth mother.
She recommends, “Be cautious. Make sure it’s real. There will be signs if it’s not. Take your
time and get to know each other by having an e-mail relationship. Plan to meet in person after several
months. By then she will be showing and
you will know that she is really pregnant.”
Red Flags That Could
Indicate Adoption Fraud
According to Joan Ward, a Seattle-based adoption social
worker, red flags indicating possible adoption fraud include the following:
- Birth parents who ask about money
- Birth parents who are transient or living in motels
- Birth parents who refuse medical care
- Birth parents who won’t provide a return phone number or
address
- Birth parents who refuse to allow the adoptive parent at least limited access to her medical information (as it pertains to the pregnancy). This may indicate she's taking drugs and is afraid of submitting to urinanalysis tests.
"It is so important for adoptive parents to work with top-notch and highly experienced social workers and adoption attorneys," says Joan. When she becomes aware of a scam, Joan usually contacts the major adoption attorneys in Seattle, alerting them to the situation. "I always ask my clients to call me when they've had contact with a potential birth mother," she says.
If the birth parent lives out of state, Joan recommends hiring an adoption attorney or social worker
in the birth mother’s hometown to assess the situation. "I am often hired by out-of-state adoptive parents to evaluate potential birth parent situations in Seattle," she says. "It's sad to say but I have found potential birth mothers who aren't pregnant or birth mothers who are promising their baby to several adoptive families.
Joan also cautions people to be aware of mentally ill birth mothers, including those with personality disorders. "Birth mothers with psychological disorders are not at all uncommon, and their disorder may not be immediately apparent to the untrained eye, or to the prospective adoptive parent desperate to have a child," says Joan.
Proceed With Caution
– Especially When Using the Internet to Research Adoption
Caution is a must for people who plan to adopt, whether they
adopt independently or use the services of an agency or facilitator.
One family got burned by an agency
they located on the Internet. The agency, which touts that they place over 200
infants per year, collected payments from the couple, who languished for two
years on the waiting list. When the couple complained about the lack of action,
the agency bowed out of working with them, but refused to return their money.
Would-be parents must check references – and not just the
references an agency supplies. Bulletin boards, e-mail lists and chat rooms are
great places to gather firsthand information from people who have worked with
particular agencies.
Prospective parents should become versed in the adoption
laws of their own state, as well as the state or country from which they plan
to adopt. If they suspect fraud or unethical practices by an agency or
facilitator, they should contact their state licensing specialist.
The state’s Better Business Bureau (www.bbb.org/), the
Attorney General, or the Social Services headquarters have information about
complaints, investigation or litigation against agencies.
Adapted from “Adopting? Click Here,” by Laura Christianson. Originally published in Christianity Online magazine, Spring 2000.
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