This is the second in a series that explores the pros and cons of various types of adoption. Part 1 (12-4-04) looked at closed or confidential adoption.
What is semi-open adoption?
Semi-open or mediated adoptions were very popular in the late 1980s to mid 1990s, and are still the norm today. Adoptive parents, aware that birth parents want and usually deserve some degree of contact with their child, yet cautious of allowing full contact, often choose this route.
A happy medium
In a semi-open adoption, an adoption professional (agency, facilitator or adoption attorney), serves as the go-between for the exchange of letters, gifts and photos. Last names and addresses are not shared. A semi-open adoption offers some degree of privacy for both parties, while allowing for an ongoing flow of information. Birth parents feel relieved that they’ve made a good decision as they look at pictures of their happy child, and adoptive parents feel that they have the means to answer questions about their child’s history and to allow their child to “get to know” his or her birth parents from a safe distance.
Birth parents, who are often concerned about how the child they placed for adoption will feel about them, have the opportunity to explain, in writing, why they made an adoption plan. They can communicate their hopes and dreams for their child without taking on a more active role in the child’s life.
There is a potential for either the birth or adoptive family to shut off contact (which can be a good or a bad thing, depending on the situation). Often, a birth mother will get married and/or have another child, and the contact lessens over time.
There’s also the potential to increase contact. If, after exchanging letters and photos for months or years, the parties develop strong feelings of trust, respect and friendship, they may decide to forego the mediator and establish direct contact.
Birth parents demanding their child back? Not likely.
The most common question that people ask parents involved in a semi-open or open adoption is, “Aren’t you afraid that the birth parent(s) will come and take the child back? Actually, the more open the adoption, the less likely the birth parent is to want to reclaim the child. Because there are very few secrets in open adoptions, birth parents generally feel content with their decision.
Birth parents in semi-open adoptions report that ongoing contact with their child is the healing balm their hearts yearn for.
Coming December 8: Pros and Cons of Fully-Disclosed/Open Adoption
This series about the pros and cons of adoption is also available at www.laurachristianson.com.
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