Pros and Cons of Adoption

Introduction:
This series of blogs will explore the pros and cons of various types of adoption: confidential/closed, semi-open and fully-disclosed/open; international; special needs and foster-to-adopt. Please email me your own pros and cons and I’ll add them to the list.

Part 1: Pros and Cons of Confidential or Closed Adoption

What is closed adoption?
A confidential adoption is one in which there is no contact between the birth and adoptive families. Confidential or closed adoption was commonplace from the 1950s through the early 1980s, when the concept of open adoption began gaining popularity. In a confidential adoption, the agency or adoption attorney serves as the mediator, and the adoptive family receives only non-identifying information (medical history, description of physical features, etc.) about the birth parents.

The child's safety is foremost
Confidential adoptions are an appropriate choice (and often, the only viable choice) when the birth parents are incarcerated, are drug addicted, are emotionally disturbed or have been abusive to the child. In these situations, the child has often been removed from his or her birth parents for safety reasons. The safety of the child should always be a parent’s foremost concern. If protecting a child from potentially harmful contact with his or her birth parents is a critical factor, a closed adoption is a viable choice.

Birth parents are out of the picture -- for better or for worse
Adoptive parents who choose a confidential adoption do so partly out of fear of involvement from potentially pushy birth parents. On the other hand, because they know nothing about the birth parents, the adoptive parents may have a hard time feeling empathy toward them as fellow human beings who grieve over the fact that their child is no longer in their life.

Or the adoptive parents may live in fear, always on the lookout for anyone who resembles their child, fearful that a birth parent will swoop in and steal the child. These fears are largely unfounded, as proven by the ever-increasing popularity of open adoption (see article on the pros and cons of open adoption for a different perspective).

In the past, when closed adoption was a birth parent's only option, people asserted that confidential adoption gave birth parents the opportunity to put the painful experience behind them and move on with their lives. Numerous studies show that birth parents do not ever forget the child they placed for adoption. Not knowing whether their child is healthy, happy and well-adjusted causes lifelong grief for many birth parents. Because of their lack of information about their child, birth parents are likely to second-guess their decision, forever wondering how their child is doing, whether their child hates them, or whether their child is anxious to meet them.

Some birth parents still do choose closed adoption because they do not want their pregnancy to be public knowledge and the confidentiality of closed adoption makes them feel more comfortable.

The child may be affected negatively
Adopted children seem to be the ones most negatively affected by confidential adoption. Thousands of adult adoptees born in the 1950s through ‘70s search for their birth parents, saying they feel incomplete, as if part of their identity is missing. Many adopted women search for their birth parents when they get pregnant for the first time, desiring to complete the “missing link” of their biological heritage and to obtain more complete medical information about potential health issues their own children may inherit.

Coming December 6: Pros and Cons of Semi-Open Adoption

This series on the pros and cons of adoption is also available at www.laurachristianson.com.

Comments

[Anne]

I was adopted in a closed adoption in 1968, and found the experience to be painful and difficult. The rhetoric of the National Council for Adoption doesn't make it any easier.

[Dora]

hello there...
my name is dora and i am very intrested in adoption.. i was wondering! ummm.. is it necessary to be for or against adoption?? i have a project and iwas just curious...
Thankyou..

Dora Thao

[Trisha Robertson]

I'm also doing a project about adoption for school with another person. One of us is supposed to be against it and the other is for it. I'm supposed to be for it, but the only thing I'm for it is if a woman is raped and she is very poor or cannot take care of it.....is there any other reasons for being for adoption? Also what are some reasons to be against it?

Thank you

[MARIE]

i was given up for adoption at birth in 1979. from what i'm told, my mom is white & my dad is black. she was married at the time, but separate from her white husband. could this have been more of a "racial" thing???

[Annie Lawrson]

I was adopted in 1981, after being born to a single,poor and struggling 15 year old girl. If i had stayed with her my life would have been tough and scary. My adoptive parents gave me all the love i need and i find adoption to be a far more positive choice rather that abortion. I never had any need to contact my biological parents.

[Hannah]

i am doing a paper on adoption for school, and this page really helped! thanks alot.

Hannah <3

[kiki]

hello i just did an a ppr on adoption for mi class in skool and now it had really wanted me to adopt when i am ready! your cite really helped! i am also doing a projh on it and i am saying not that it is bad but that it needs improving i was wondering what you could tell me?!?!

[mEgHaN dEaN]

i just wanted to say thank you for putting time and effort into this page cuz i am doin a report on this for pros and cons and this page helps millions..thank you!
*mEgHaNdEaN<3

[Jim]

I was adopted in a closed adoption in the mid-60's. I recently found my birthmom after searching for about two hours. So far it's been a great reunion.
I am the number one fan of closed adoption. I never felt unloved or abandoned. I knew from about age 3 I was adopted. I did not want contact with my birthmother until last month. I appreciate the privacy of my closed adoption, and I believe that when both sides want a reunion, it will happen easily, with the internet.

[Raven lee]

i'm doing an argumentative paper on adoption and I myself is adopted,. I don't see anything wrong with adoption but, i think that the adopted kids should be able to have a life also with there birth parents. i was wondering what all i should know, since i'm for adoption, to help me with my paper

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is adopted and I asked him if he would like to adopt a child himself when he gets married, and he said that he wouldn't because the process was very difficult, but he would if his wife was unable to conceive. I don't think it matters whether you are for or against adoption, it all depends on your situation. He recently found his birthmother, and he kind of regrets doing it because he pictured her being superwoman when in actuality she's far from it.

[Kris]

I was adopted in 1972 at the age of 2weeks. Im proud to be adopted, I dont know my birth parents at all. I figure if they want to know me they know when and where I was placed for adoption. Ive been raised by a great family, and my birth parents did the best with what they had, they gave me a life, and for that I love them

[Mario]

I adopted a child recently and she is five years old so obviously she knows that she is adopted. She doesn't know her birth mother and she says that she just wants us to be her parents. I will never hold her back from knowing her biological parents but I don't really think it will benefit her to do so.

[Brooke Frame]

please send me other information..... Thank You
Brooke Frame

[Eric]

I think that adoption is good but only if you cant suport the chiled but if you just dont want a kid then you shouldnt of hade sex

[Rachel]

Good idea Eric! Women should definitely have to totally sacrifice their sexuality and sex life because of a pregnancy risk. Gee, i sure know a lot of people who view sex as beind intended solely for reproduction! Oh... wait- no I dont. And nice spelling of child bud.

[Christine]

As a reunited adoptee and a clinical psychotherapist trained and specialized in pre/post-adoption, adoption reunion counselling/coaching, I believe it is incredibly important for an adoptee to reunite with their natural families, not just for medical information, but also for integrating themselves into "whole" individuals. It's a reality that adoptees are of two families, and to deny the fact that they were born of another set of parents is wrong. In my practice, I see all sides of the community and believe it is of great benefit for an adoptee to reunited to get those unanswered questions answered that aparents can't answer and for many other reasons. Yes, there are reunions issues, however all sides are making up for lost time. What 5-year would understand what it means to be adopted.....I certainly didn't understand what that meant....but growing up I felt different in my afamily.....as does every other adoptee of which I have spoken to and/or seen in my practice.

[roxy]

hi!

i'm doing a project about adoption. What are some pros and cons of adoption??? if you could email me back, i'd REALLY aprreciate it. THANKS!!!
=)))))))

[Steven]

Me too

[Steven]

However, I need information on transracial adoptions, (pros and cons.) That'd be great!

[Kimberly.]

I'M ADOPTED!!! My older sister and I. I was wondering what you would call our adoption. We both live with our birth mother. But our fathers didn't want us. We have different fathers. [That sounds bad but it's true. Sometimes only the birth mother or father wants the child.] But when my mom got married the man wanted to adopt my older sister and I. So we are adopted. But only by the man my mom married. So what kind of adoption would that be? My mom doesn't like talking about my father with me. But now my older sisters father wants to talk to her now that he wouldn't have to pay child support. Good thing she wants nothing to do with him. Now I'm not 18 yet, but I will be in April 2007. [I hope myfather doesn't do that to me.] And my mom doesn't like talking about my adoption. And I have to do a report on myself. But I dont know what to call it because I am adopted but just by father. So what would it be? If you can please tell me. Thanks.

[Kimberly.]

I am also doing a projet on pros and cons on something. I would like to do it on adoption. Seeing as how I am adopted. And my boyfriend would really like to know more because I told him when we get marrid we were going to have two kids of our own. But I want to adopted one or two children. Thanks.

[rachel]

I am 21 and am able to have children, but would rather adopt (A LOT later down the road of course when I am ready to start a family). My boyfriend is against adoption, he says if I am able to have children then I am being selfish not to have them myself. The way I see it is there are a lot of children on the earth that need parents, so why make another one. A child is a child no matter if the parent is biological or not. As long as the child gets love and the things it needs I don’t mind if it has my genetics or not. I don’t know much about adoption so I guess what I want to know is if I adopt will I be taking a child away from a couple that cannot conceive one of their own or am I helping out a child that may not have parents otherwise? And is this a waste of time since I can have children or is it worth adopting in the end?

[lee]

I'm doing a project on the pros and cons of adoption.I was wondering if someone could help me,because i can't think of many cons

thanks

[caylon davis]

hey i was adopted in 1991 and since i got bigger mi family that got me fought all the time and i always wanted to find my real mom.... finally i did and went to see her in 2006..